


Of Triangles And Betrayal

by MortemMessor



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Basically The Show With Bill In Disguise, Bill Goes By Billy, Bill Is Not Having This, Bill Is So Weird, Bill Is Stalling, BillDip, Brayden Is Gideon's Older Brother, Country Music, Crushing, Dipper Cant Flirt, Dipper Is A Smol Blusher, Dipper Is Also In Denial, Dipper is oblivious, For Like A Day, Friends to Lovers, Goes With The Show, He Likes Dipper, Human Bill Cipher, I Swear They Kiss Eventually, Ill Try To Keep It Child Friendly, Mabel Being Mabel, May change rating later, She Supports It, So hard, Teenager Bill Cipher, Thats The Most Dangerous One Yet, Weirdmaggedon Does Happen Later, What else is new?, i cant tag, no promises, seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 12:51:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 71,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7268929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MortemMessor/pseuds/MortemMessor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ah, summer break. A time for leisure, relaxation, and just sitting back and takin' her easy. That is, unless you were a little brunette boy by the name of Dipper Pines. A sillouette was leaning against the trees in front of the shack, a smirk growing it's face- that is, if it had a proper mouth. It giggled maniacally, "Newbies, huh? Interesting. Well I should greet them! Oh, this is going to be fun!"</p><p>Dipper Pines was sure his summer at Gravity Falls would be boring and lonely. But once he makes friends with a teen named Billy Rephic, and finds a mysterious journal in the woods, he finds that his summer might be more fun than he thought. More dangerous too, because things aren't always what they seem, and in Gravity Falls, there really is no one you can trust.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. LQWURGXFWLRQ

Ah, summer break. A time for leisure, relaxation, just sitting back and takin' her easy. That is, unless you were a small brunette boy by the name of Dipper Pines. 

He sighed as he gazed narrowly out the window of the bus as it slipped through the trees of the forest in a nondescript town called Gravity Falls. Normally bright hazel eyes were dulled with boredom, and his twin, an eccentric girl by the name of Mabel Pines was trying to pester him into one last game of 'What's Under The Bus Cushions?'.

It was close to the evening by now, the sky a loving crimson, washing the shambled shack barely visible through the trees in a vivid blood red. Dipper blinked a few times to try and wake himself up as he reached for the bag beside his feet, the can of Off rattling as it fell out of its pocket. He groaned and went to pick it up, missing the triangular shadow that flashed in front of the window he'd been staring out of moments before. 

He leaned back up, tucking the can back in its pocket before slinging it over his shoulders. Mabel grinned, braces glinting as she whistled appreciatively, "It's even bigger in person!" She cheered as she grabbed her own bag. Dipper rolled his eyes good naturedly, "You didn't expect to fit in our computer screen, did you?" Mabel merely smiled sheepishly. 

The bus screeched to a grinding halt and they hopped off, Dipper scrunching his nose up reproachfully. It smelled like old wood and farm animals. Mabel grinned broadly with a bubbly giggle, slipping up to the door. She looked back over her shoulder, "C'mon Dipper!" She urged, knocking on the door. He adjusted his brown cap, taking a deep breath, only to release it in a shriek as an old man appeared through an abrupt puff of smoke beside them on the porch. 

"Hello!" He said loudly, grinning at them. Dipper clapped a hand over his chest, feeling his heart slam against his ribs as he doubled over, gasping while Mabel smiled and bounced excitedly, "Hi there! Are you our Great Uncle?" She asked eagerly. The man raised an eyebrow, grin falling as he eyed them suspiciously, then smiled once more, "I'm the only shifty old man around here aren't I?" He replied with a laugh.

He opened the door for her, holding it as the twins ventured inside a room filled to brim with cheap looking knick knacks with outrageous price stickers on them. Dipper raised an eyebrow, but held his tongue. He looked up at their Great Uncle, "Where do we sleep?" He asked. The man raised an eyebrow then pointed to a doorway across the room that said 'Employees Only', "Through that door and up the stairs there's the attic. I managed to dig around in the...storage room and find beds for you two. Go, uh, unpack. I guess I'll make dinner, or whatever." He mumbled. 

Mabel nodded, racing off, "Okay Grunkle Stan!" She called. Stan blinked, "Grunkle? Huh?" He asked, bewildered. Dipper sighed, hefting his backpack higher on his shoulders as he began to follow his twin, "I think it's a combination of Great and Uncle. Grunkle. She likes to make up words." He explained tiredly. 

Stan nodded, brow furrowed, "Right, well, I'll be in the kitchen." He mumbled. Dipper trudged up the steps, stepping up on the landing and looking around. The landing had a short hallway with two other doors and a bookcase that only had one or two toppled books on the shelves. The door in front of him was slightly open, and he could hear Mabel humming as she unpacked, so he figured that must be their room. 

He supposed one of the other doors was a bathroom and the other one was probably a closet with extra towels or something. There was a stained glass window that cast a red triangle onto the dusty floor, and underneath it was a threadbare cushion on a window seat. 

He hummed, glancing at the window before going forward and going in the room. He looked around it and grimaced, as he saw mold and stains on the ceiling, turning to walk backwards as he inspected the room. He caught sight of something scratched into one of the beams, an he peered at it. ELOO FLSKHU LV ZDWFKLQJ. 

What did that even mean? What the heck was Eloo? Was it- He stiffened as he felt something tug at his hat, and squeaked, turning around with a shout. Blank eyes stared at him, furry head tilted at him, horns an inch from Dipper's face. Mabel turned around to face him, "This attic is amazing! Check out all my splinters!" She said, showing off her wood riddled hands. 

Dipper sighed with a grimace, "And there's a goat on my bed." He deadpanned. Mabel came over with a smile and patted the animal's head, "Hello there." She cooed, then scoffed as the goat took her sleeve in its mouth, "Yes you can keep chewing on my sweater! Ha ha!" 

Dipper chuckled to himself, rolling his eyes as he shooed the thing away and set his bags down on the mattress, a cloud of dust floating up. He coughed. Mabel continued to pet the goat as Dipper began to unpack, his folded clothes being strewn all across the bed as he looked for his summer reading book.

"Kids! Dinner's ready!" Their new 'Grunkle' called. Mabel jumped up, "Coming!" She yelled, grabbing Dipper's arm and dragging him down the stairs. Dipper huffed, just hoping the food was edible. 

Meanwhile, a sillouette was leaning against the trees in front of the shack, a smirk growing it's face- that is, if it had a proper mouth. It giggled maniacally, "Newbies, huh? Interesting. Well I should greet them! Oh, this is going to be fun!"


	2. LS, BLF ZTZRM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this idea rolling around my head for a while. Decided I should out it up. No such thing as too much Billdip, right? :)

The next day, they were put to work in the shack's gift shop after they'd finished unpacking. "If you're gonna take up space, might as well earn your keep." Stan had told them. Then he'd walked off, muttering about how someone named Wendy better not be late again. Dipper sighed as he started sweeping the dirty floor, scrunching up his nose. 

Mabel spritzed snowglobes as she hummed to herself, "Do you think there are any cute guys in town?" She asked dreamily. The brunette rolled his eyes, "I wouldn't know. Please don't go all boy crazy this summer. We had enough of that at school." He grumbled. Mabel giggled, "Too late bro bro!" She sang happily. Dipper groaned, then shook his head. 

He looked up as he swept, hearing the bell ring, and did a double take. A girl sauntered in, smiling sheepishly. She had pale skin with a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks, bright red hair cascading down her back in thick waves, spicy green eyes darting around as she slipped behind the counter. She wore a beige hat with a dark brown fuzzy underside, and a green flannel, to which she pinned a name tag that read 'Hello! My name is: WENDY'. So this was Wendy. 

Dipper gulped, throat suddenly dry. Mabel, being clueless to Dipper's predicament, abruptly rushed over to the girl, "HI! My name's Mabel! Me and my brother are staying here for the summer! What's your name!" She very nearly shouted. 

The red head blinked then laughed, "Well hey, Mabel was it? I'm Wendy. I work here." She explained. Dipper's eyes widened, "Pinch me." He breathed, cheeks tinging pink. A sharp sting jolted him out of his staring, making him yelp and rub the offending spot on his arm. 

He whirled to glare up at Stan, who smiled innocently, "You said pinch you." He merely said before stalking over to the counter. Wendy shrunk down in her chair, "Oh no." She mumbled. Stan scowled at her, "That's the third time you've been late this week, Wendy. Normally I'd appreciate you're ability to slip past authority, but not when it's costing me money!" He snapped. 

She grinned sheepishly, "Sorry Stan, it won't happen again." She promised. Stan huffed, crossing his arms as he turned on heel and began to stalk off, "Better not, or you're fired!" He called back. 

Wendy rolled her eyes as Dipper came over, smirking, "Psh, the old man's really a big old softie if you get to know him. He wouldn't fire me." She whispered conspiratorially. She blinked at Dipper, then smiled, "Oh hey there. Your Mabel's brother? What's your name?" She asked. 

Dipper smiled weakly, "Dipper." He said quietly. Mabel pulled her sibling into a side hug with a grin, "We're twins, can't you tell?" She questioned cheerfully. Dipper scoffed and shoved her away.

"We're fraternal twins, not identical." 

"But we still look alike." 

"Well, were siblings, of course we do." 

Wendy chuckled at their banter, "You two are awesome. We're gonna get along great, I can tell." She said. They all looked up as the door opened, and a man wearing a green and white trucker's hat with a white tank top and cut offs walked in, cowboy boots clacking against the floor. Wendy sighed, "Customers. Time to get to work I suppose. Talk to you two later." She said with a wink. 

Dipper returned to sweeping, smiling slightly. He had a friend. Not only a friend, an _attractive_ friend. He swept, managing to get halfway across the room by lunchtime. He would've gotten here earlier, if that stupid goat hadn't kept coming and tramping through his dirt piles and tracking dirt everywhere. Not to mention tourists kept getting in the way. 

Tour buses filled with fat, sweaty, red faced people would stop at the Mystery Shack and they would flood in and ooo and ah at the obviously fake attractions. It surprised Dipper how gullible these people were. Seriously, the Sascrotch? How was a picture with it worth ten bucks? 

He finally swept up his little dirt pile into the bin, a puff of dust floating up and making him sneeze. A chuckle sounded behind him, "That was adorable kid. Did you take cuteness lessons from a kitten or something?" A voice behind him mused.

Dipper whirled around, "I am not cute!" He shot back indignantly. The voice belonged to a tall blond boy, his eyes a bright electric blue with gold flecks twinkling in them. His light pink lips were pulled in a smile that was a little too wide, and he was leaning on the counter, arms crossed on the scuffed wood. He wore a white hoodie with the bottom half outlined with gold bricks, white washed blue jeans hanging low on his hips underneath it, tucked into black combat boots.

The blond tilted his head at the boy, "You kinda are. It's not a bad thing, I'm not trying to be offensive." He said with a shrug. Dipper puffed out his cheeks, still a bit irritated. then he deflated with a sigh, shifting the broom to a different hand, holding out his small hand, "Dipper Pines. You are?" He asked as a tanned hand clasped his own, shaking it firmly. 

The taller grinned, "Billy, Billy Rephic. I'm your Uncle's animal supplier." He said with a chuckle, guessing Dipper's next question. Dipper quickly retracted his hand, narrowing his eyes suspiciously, "I never told you Stan was my Uncle." He discreetly accused.

Billy smirked, "Well, you said your last name was Pines, and the old man said his niece and nephew were coming to stay for the summer." He explained. Dipper slumped and flushed, smiling sheepishly, "Oh. Sorry." He muttered. 

The blond stifled a laugh, smiling down at the boy with an arched brow, "It's quite alright. I have to drop these off though," Billy began, holding up a black plastic bag, "So Stan won't get mad about another long shipment." 

Dipper peered at the bags curiously, "What's in it?" He asked. The taller shrugged, "The usual. Duck heads, fish tails, deer teeth, bat eyes, all that good stuff." He replied with a grin at Dipper's disgusted expression. 

"Dude, seriously? That's so gross!" He laughed, scrunching up his nose. Billy chuckled himself, "Eh. You get used to it. Anyway, how else is he supposed to make such mystical creatures." He said spookily, picking up the 'mermaid' that was sitting on the counter and waving it at him before returning it to its spot. 

Wendy had gone to the bathroom, and Mabel was helping Grunkle Stan with something, so it startled him when a customer came in and began to browse around. He stiffened, a deer in the headlights, before shaking his head and quickly edging behind the counter as the person filled their arms and started towards the counter to pay for the merchandise. 

Dipper scrambled up onto the stool, smiling a bit forcedly at the woman, "Hello ma'am. I trust you found everything okay?" He said polietly. She smiled and nodded, tucking a short brown curl behind her ear, "Oh yes! What a lovely little shop you have here!" She tittered. Dipper shrugged and rang her up, frowning a bit when the calculator on the cash register wouldn't work. 

He then sighed and closed his eyes, drawing on the counter with his finger for a moment, before his brow furrowed. Then he hummed and his eyes popped open, "Thirty two seventy eight." He said, and the lady handed him two twenties.

She winked, "Keep the change, Hun." She said with a giggle, and then nearly skipped out. Dipper blinked, then scoffed, putting one twenty in register and about to put the other one in donations when suddenly a hand caught his wrist. Billy's eyes were wide and he gave Dipper an incredulous look, "Whoa whoa! First, why didn't you change it, that's mandatory, right? And two, that's a good bit of money she just gave you! Why're you just shoving it in a jar?" He asked. 

Dipper's eyes flicked briefly to the hand on his wrist, then to the money in his palm, "One, Grunkle Stan always makes us add ten bucks to the final price. Two, I don't want or need the money." He explained with a shrug. Billy opened his mouth to reply, when Wendy and Mabel returned. 

Wendy blinked, "Oh hey Billy! Back so soon?" She asked. The blond released Dipper's wrist, smirking at Wendy, "Ah, I got a call in for some more supplies. Stan told me the goat ate one of the exhibits?" He asked with a raised brow. Wendy laughed, "Yeah, Gompers basically inhaled the Cornicorn. You think Stan would quit rebuilding it as much as Gompers eats it." She snorted, rolling her eyes. 

Her bright eyes caught onto Dipper, smiling with raised eyebrows, "Stealin' my seat Dip?" She teased. Dipper turned red, "W-what- no, I- I was just- I'll get down now!" He squeaked, scrambling down and stuffing the twenty in his shorts pocket, faceplanting before jumping back up with an awkward laugh. 

He rubbed his neck sheepishly, and Mabel tilted her head at him, "Whoa bro bro, you're acting more awkward than usual. You okay?" She questioned. Dipper glared at her, then his eyes widened as she caught sight of Billy. She ogled and literally started drooling. 

Before anyone could blink she was an inch from Billy's face, smiling broadly, "Hi, I'mMabelhoware  
youwhat'syournameyouhandsomestranger?" She spewed out all in one breath. Dipper groaned and dragged a hand down his face, "And you're being more insufferable than usual." He grumbled. 

Wendy flashed him a secret grin, and he returned it as Mabel ignored him. Billy looked extremely startled, then with a glance at Dipper, the twelve year old sighed, "This is my twin sister Mabel. She's a little hyperactive." He explained, and Mabel shot him a small glare. 

Billy's expression quickly morphed into a smirk, and he knelt down on one knee to be a little smaller than Mabel, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles, "It's a pleasure, Lady Mabel. Billy, at your service milady." He drawled with a rugged smile, before straightening. Mabel emitted a sound between a squeal and a choke, abruptly falling over. 

Dipper blinked, then pinched the bridge of his nose. Wendy scoffed, crossing her arms, "Alright, turn down the charm wise guy. Don't want her ovaries to explode on their first day in Gravity Falls. Stan really would fire me." She scolded half heartedly as Dipper hefted his ditzy sister back up, ending up falling down with her with a yelp.

Billy shrugged with a snicker, and Wendy moved to help the twins up. At that moment Stan waltzed in, "I heard the sound of sarcasm associated with my name." He announced, looking around. Dipper stood and brushed himself off, moving to lean on the counter where Billy was now sitting. Stan's eyes narrowed as they caught sight of the lounging blond. 

He sniffed, "Oh, you again. I suppose you have my stuff?" He asked gruffly. Billy held up the plastic bag, grinning. Stan snatched it, rifling through it, then scowled, "What is this!? This is just eyes!" He scolded. Billy nodded, "Just like you asked for." He said, a bit befuddled. 

Stan sighed and rubbed his temples, "Ears, _ears_. I said ears, as in ears of corn!" He said loudly. Billy blinked, then rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Sorry about that Stan. Dad really hasn't got any better at hearing, heh. But you could still probably make someth-" 

"If you think I'm going to pay twenty bucks for a bag of eyeballs then you are sadly mistaken. Geez, the youth these days..." Start grumbled, trudging back out of the room. Billy's shoulders slumped and he pouted. He sighed, grabbing the bag, muttering a choice curse word under his breath. 

He blinked in surprise when the bag was yanked from his grip, and a crumpled green bill shoved into it. Mabel had left as soon as the yelling began, and Wendy was sunk behind the register again, nose in a magazine. Dipper sighed and gave Billy a lopsided smile, holding the bag in both arms, "There. You looked like you needed it." He said, beginning to move towards the stairs. 

The blond looked at the creased twenty in his palm, then looked up, "But you don't even need those!" He protested. Dipper gave him a shrug, "Eh, Mabel will find something to do with them. Knowing her it will involve an entire tub of glitter." He said with a light laugh.

He paused, glancing back over his shoulder, "See ya around?" He prodded tentatively. The taller male blinked, then grinned, "Definitely kid. In fact, I might just pop by tomorrow." 

"Don't bother!" Stan's voice echoed, and the blond winced. Billy smiled weakly, "Eh, I'll see you around town then. Bye Dipper!" He yelled as he sent him a smirk and a wink before sauntering back out, pocketing the cash gratefully. So he wasn't going to starve. That was a plus.

Dipper tried to wave, but the blond had already left. He huffed, blowing a chocolate curl out of his eyes before trudging back up the stairs. He dumped the bag on Mabel's bed, "Merry Monday, sis." He said. Mabel giggled, "It's Wednesday Dipdop." She pointed out. Dipper flopped on his bed, "Sshh, no correcting, sleeping. I'm tired." He murmured. 

Mabel scoffed, "You barely even did anything!" The only reply she received, were even breaths and the gentle rise and fall of her twin's chest. She smiled with a sigh, "Goodnight broseph."


	3. UWFCLAI UZLASMS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel gets a suspicious new boyfriend and after a rough start, Billy and Dipper become fast friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only codes I will use in this book will be Atbash, Caesar, and Vinegeri. The keyword for that is so simple and easy, it's honestly too obvious in my opinion, but hey √(•~•)\

It had been almost a week since they'd arrived at the Mystery Shack and Gravity Falls. Dipper had gotten increasingly fidgety, always feeling as if someone's eyes were on him, constantly looking over his shoulder and seeing shadows move out of the corner of his eye. He suffered from mild paranoia, but this was ridiculous. He _knew_ he wasn't imagining things, but when he tried to talk to Mabel or Stan about it, they just laughed his concern off. 

He didn't feel confident enough to talk about his suspicions with anyone else, so he decided to just try to deal with the feeling. It wasn't really working. Today was Monday, and he was in the shop cleaning the snowglobes as Mabel hid behind the bobbleheads. "He's looking at it! He's looking at it!" She squealed quietly as she spied on the dark skinned boy with wavy brown hair in a green striped t-shirt. He looked more than a bit confused as he studied the note. "'Do you like me?'" He read aloud, "Yes? Definitely? Absolutely!?" He questioned incredulously, looking around in bemusement, obviously looking for the sender. 

Mabel laughed evilly, "I rigged it." She whispered happily. Dipper raised an eyebrow, "Mabel, I get you're still going through your boy crazy phase, but I think you're over doing the crazy part." He pointed out, rubbing the glass of a snowglobe. Mabel turned around with a gasp, "Whaaat? Pbbt! Come on bro bro, this my chance to finally have an epic summer romance!" She squealed. 

Dipper narrowed his eyes at her, "Yeah, but do you need to flirt with every guy you meet?" He said, remembering the customer, the turtle guy, and that poor man who worked at the mattress store. Not to mention Billy, who Mabel still tried to throw herself at everytime he visited. Mabel smiled and wagged her finger at him, "Mock all you want brother, but I have a good feeling about this summer. I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now." She said, pointing to the curtain. 

Dipper knew she hoped Billy would come through, since he was almost done helping Soos fix up the living room table. Dipper actually was surprised when the curtain moved, but instead of the grinning blond, the curtain flipped to reveal their Grunkle, who burped loudly with a groan, "Oh, not good, ow." 

Mabel shuddered, "Oh why!?" She groaned, and Dipper gave a short laugh at her misfortune. Billy and Soos returned at that moment, and Billy propped up the ladder for Soos to climb to fix the next shelf. Stan looked around, "Alright, look alive people. I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest." He started, looking towards Wendy. 

"Not it!" Dipper called, just to be safe, and a moment after Mabel parroted him with a frown. Soos raised his hand, "Also not it." Stan gave him a narrow look, "No one asked you Soos." He deadpanned. The handyman shrugged, "I know, and I'm comfortable with that." He replied simply. Stan turned to the register, "Wendy, I need you to put up this sign." He called. She didn't look up from her magazine, "I would but, I can't, uh, reach it."She said woefully with a small smirk. 

Stan sighed, "I'd fire all of you if I could." He grumbled, but they all knew he didn't really mean it. Stan pressed his hands together, "Alright, let's make it, eenie meenie miney...you." He decided, pointing at Dipper. The brunette jolted then pouted, "Aw what? Grunkle Stan, whenever I'm in the woods I feel like I'm being watched." He protested. 

Stan rolled his eyes, "Oy, this again." He muttered. Dipper huffed, "I'm serious! Look, just today my mosquito bites spelled out 'Beware'." He held out his arm for the old man to see. Stan raised an eyebrow, "That say Bewarb." He pointed out. Dipper rubbed his arm awkwardly, and Stan sighed, "Look kid. the whole 'monsters in the forest' thing is just local legend. Drummed up by guys like me, to sell merch to guys like that." He explained, pointing to a sweaty fat man who was giggling at a little Stan bobblehead. 

Stan tossed the signs at him, "So quit being so paranoid." Dipper opened his mouth to retort, but a new voice joined the conversation, "I could go with him. Even without monsters and spookums, it's a pretty dangerous place for a twelve year old." Billy said, coming to stand beside the boy. 

Dipper's gaze snapped up, glaring slightly, "Oh yeah, and how old are you?" He shot back. Billy gave him a smirk, "Sixteen. Old enough to take on a bear if need be. Old enough to protect a little marshmallow like you." He replied smoothly. 

Stan opened his mouth to interject, but Dipper was on a fiery roll with his own indignance, "I don't need your help! I can go by myself!" He snapped, stomping off out the door. He took off into the forest, gradually slowing down as his anger left him. 

He sighed as he started hammering up signs, "I probably shouldn't have snapped at him. He was just trying to help. But Grunkle Stan made me mad. He never believes anything I say." He grumbled as he hung up the next sign. He went to the next tree, putting the nail against it to hammer, but paused when it clanged like metal instead of thunking like wood. 

Dipper dropped the hammer and put his ear to the trunk, rapping his knuckles against it. It echoed like a hollow metal box, and he blinked, taking his face away. He swiped his hand across the trunk, dusting off cobwebs and dirt until he felt a slight ridge beneath his fingers. He dug into it and pulled, the trunk opening to reveal that it was in fact hollow, dust bunnies collected inside along with a rusted machine with two switches on it. 

He flicked one experimentally a few times, but nothing happened. He tried the other one, freezing when he heard something behind him. Metal grated as he turned around to see the ground slide open, scaring Gompers off, and he walked over to kneel in front of it. His breath caught when he saw what looked to be a book nestled inside the compartment, and he reached in slowly to pick it up. He raised it up to the light, blowing dirt and dust off the red leather cover, a golden six fingered hand shining on its cover, complete with a matte three in its center. 

Dipper, being naturally curious, laid it on the ground to open it. He flipped it open, his eyes wide. He saw a little paper at the front that had been ripped in half, the remaining half reading; Property of. He picked up the little eyeglass attached to a string on the spine of the book, inspecting it, deciding it must be some sort of bookmark. He turned to the first page and saw what looked to be a diary entry. 

"It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began researching the strange and mysterious secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon." He began, his interest piqued. He began flipping through it, seeing descriptions and illustrations of weird stuff. 

"What is all this?" He muttered as he leafed through the yellowed pages. He paused on another entry with no date, "Unfortunately my suspicions have been confirmed; I'm being watched. I must hide this book before HE finds it. Remember- in Gravity Falls, there's no one you can trust." He finished softly, seeing the large underlined phrase of 'TRUST NO ONE'. He shut the book and held it to his chest, "No one you can trust..." He muttered. 

"HELLO!" A familiar voice screamed behind him. He let out a yell and scrambled up, fumbling with the book before hiding it behind his back with a nervous smile. Mabel grinned at him, "Whatcha reading, some nerd thing?" She teased, leaning on the fallen tree in front of her. Dipper averted his eyes, "It's, uh, nothing!" He squeaked. 

"Uh, uh, nothing!" Mabel mocked, before she laughed, "Are you seriously not gonna show me?" Dipper bit his lip, then glanced around. He looked back to Mabel, "Let's...go somewhere private." He muttered. They headed back towards the shack, and Mabel pestered him the whole way. He was tight lipped however until they were in the living room, Mabel on the recliner arm and him pacing the floor. 

He couldn't keep a grin off his face, "I can't believe it! Grunkle Stan said I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side." He said, flipping through the pages and showing her the Eyebats. Mabel gasped dramatically, "Shut up!" She said excitedly, shoving him. 

He smiled, bouncing on his toes, "And get this! At a certain point the pages just stop. As if the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared." He said, his tone reverent and raptured on the book. He was jolted out of his excitement by the doorbell. He closed the journal and turned around, "Who's that?" 

Mabel blushed briefly, "Welp, time to spill the beans!" She poked the empty can of baked beans on the dinosaur head, "Bwoop! Beans. This girl's got a date!" She cheered, pointing at herself. Dipper blinked and rubbed his temples, tucking the book beneath his arm, "Let me get this straight, in the half hour I was gone you already found a boyfriend?" He questioned incredulously. Mabel shrugged with a cheeky grin, "What can I say? I guess I'm just irresistable~" She warbled, waving her sweaters sleeves around. 

The doorbell dinged against, this time more insistently, and Mabel shot up, "Oh! Coming!" She yelled, running off to answer the door. Dipper rolled his eyes and flopped down on the recliner, eagerly cracking open the journal. However he had only read "To my belief" whenever somebody walked in. He abruptly and hastily stuffed it beneath the cushion as Billy came in, "Hey Dipper, what're you reading?" He asked, coming over as Dipper snatched up the book lying on the armrest, "Oh, um, just catching up on..." He glanced at the title and did a double take, "Gold Chains For Old Men magazine?" He muttered. 

Billy snorted, sitting on the other armrest, "Stan and his weird literature. But buying gold's actually pretty smart, very economical." He chirped with a closed eyed smile. Dipper slowly shut the magazine and swallowed, avoiding the blond's eyes, "Hey, um, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier." He sighed and rubbed his arm, "It's just Stan got me riled up and then you came over and you were just trying to help and I-" 

"Whoa, Dip, calm down kid. It's alright." Dipper looked up, blinking owlishly, "W-what?" He stammered. Billy smiled, "It's alright. I shouldn't have called you a marshmallow, that was uncalled for... Even if you are squishy." He said, squeezing Dipper's side and elicting a laugh. 

The brunette swatted him away, "Shut up man." He retorted easily, relaxing. It was very easy to talk to Billy, and the blond seemed to want to talk to him. Did that make them friends? Dipper wouldn't really know, he hadn't really had friends he either didn't share with Mabel or just got along with in general. If this was an actual genuine friendship, then it felt pretty nice, Dipper decided. 

Just then Mabel walked into the doorway, her arm looped through that of a brunette teen with pale skin and a hoodie that had the hood flipped up to shield his face. Mabel grinned, "Guys! Say hello to my new boyfriend!" She sang. The teen raised an arm in greeting, "Sup." He grumbled, his voice rough and gravelly. Dipper waved with a raised eyebrow. 

"Hello."

"Yo." 

Dipper glanced at Billy then back to the teen, "Do you have a name?" He asked suspiciously. The other male's eyes widened, and he looked a bit nervous, "Uh, normal... man!" He grounded out forcefully. Mabel leaned into him, "He means Norman." 

Dipper scoffed under his breath before returning his attention to the guy his sister was clinging to, and looked like he recently fell down a very large hill, with a red substance dripping off his cheek. He narrowed his eyes, "Are you...bleeding, Norman?" He asked. Norman glanced at his cheek, then back up, eyes wide, "It's jam." He answered bluntly. Mabel gasped, "I love jam! Look at this!" She said, gesturing between the two of them with a grin at the two boys on the recliner. 

They glanced at each other, neither responding in favor of trying to figure out what on earth was happening. Norman turned to Mabel, "So, you wanna go, hold hands or, something?" He asked gruffly. Mabel giggled, "Oh my goodness. He he, don't wait up!" She squealed, running off again. Norman smiled at them and slammed into the wall before walking off after Mabel. 

Dipper raised his eyebrows, "I'm not the only who thought that was weird, right?" He said aloud. Stan's voice made him jump, "Nope, that was definitely weird." He agreed, shooing Dipper out of the recliner. Dipper managed to snag the journal from beneath the cushion and sneak it into his vest. 

Billy nodded with a small frown. Dipper bit his cheek and went to go upstairs, when the blond caught his arm, "Hey, do you wanna talk later? We really never finished our conversation." He said, tipping his head to the side. Dipper's brow furrowed, "I thought we did fin-" He clamped his jaw shut at the pleading look Billy gave him, his electric blue eyes flicking pointedly to Stan and back. 

Realization dawned and Dipper pursed his lips, giving a curt nod, "Of course." He murmured, turning and walking up the stairs. His mind raced. What did Billy want to talk about? Why couldn't he say it in front of Stan? Or even Mabel for that matter? Why did Norman look like he'd just crawled out of a hole in the ground? Why was he so awkward and creepy? Okay, maybe all teenagers were like that at some point, but still, he was over doing it. 

He thought about the journal in his vest, and nibbled his lower lip. The little window seat looked inviting to his stressed out limbs, so he walked over and nestled himself into it, glancing around before taking out the book and cracking it open. The scent of old paper and ink flooded his nose, coupled with a tinge of leather and must. Dipper took a deep sniff and sighed, the scent comforting and welcomed. Then he focused, flicking and skimming the pages, reminding himself to study some of the other interesting looking pages later. 

He was searching, quietly muttering to himself as he tried to find something in there that resembled Norman. He paused at a promising passage with a shaded illustration. His eyes scanned the page, "Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes, these beings are normally mistaken for teenagers!?" He breathed, eyes widening, "Beware Gravity Falls nefarious..." He gasped, blanching. 

"Zombie!?" He shrieked, a bit louder than he intended. He heard a noise outside the stained glass window, and his head whipped to see Norman walking slowly towards his sister, and Dipper could hear an ominous growling noise. Mabel merely smiled obliviously, swinging her feet, "I like you." She gushed happily. Dipper let out a sound that somewhere between a scream and a yelp, catching in his throat, sounding strangled. 

"Oh no, Mabel!" He called, fully ready to break through the window, when Norman deposited a pink flower crown on Mabel's head. She blushed and swatted at him playfully. Dipper deflated, crumpling back into the window seat, eyes searching the zombie page doubtfully again. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, "Is Norman really a zombie? Or am I just really being paranoid?" He muttered to himself. 

"It's a delema to be sure." 

Dipper jumped nearly three feet in the air from the sudden voice in the shadows of the room. He squinted, "Soos?" He inquired, bewildered. The handyman stood on a step stool, screwing in the lightbulb fixture. He shot Dipper a meaningful look, "I couldn't help but hear you talking aloud to yourself in this empty room." He explained with a buck toothed smile. 

Dipper turned to face him, crossing his legs, "Well, what do you think?" He prodded, tilting his head like a curious pup. Soos hummed, tapping his cheek with the screwdriver, "How many brains did you see the guy eat?" Dipper's shoulders slumped, "None." He grumped, sighing. Soos's face softened, "Look dude, I believe you. There's plenty of weird stuff happening everyday in this town. Like the mailman, pretty sure that dude's a werewolf. But you have to have evidence, or else people will start thinking your a major league Kuckoo clock." He warned. 

Dipper perked up, smiling as he got an idea, "Thanks Soos. You're pretty smart." He noted. Soos pick up his ladder and looked up at the ceiling with a faux determined expression, "My wisdom is both a blessing," Soos began, placing a hand over his heart, "and a curse." He finished dramatically, turning and walking back down the stairs. 

Dipper tucked the book back into his vest, looking out the window again, getting so lost in thought, he didn't hear Soos say, "Oh hey Billy. Yeah, he's upstairs." So he was rather startled when a certain blond plopped down beside him on the window seat, letting out a squeak. 

Billy let out a giggle at his reaction, smirking, "Scare ya?" He teased, going to ruffle Dipper's hair. The brunette shied away from the hand, scowling half heartedly, "Nearly gave me a heart attack." He grumbled, propping his chin in his palm. Billy chuckled, then his expression turned serious, "I saw you hide something from Stan." Dipper jolted, eyes wide. Well, straight to the point then. 

He averted his gaze back outside, "It's nothing." He murmured, pulse jumping as he felt the journal push into his ribs. A tanned hand caught his chin, turning it to face the blond, and Dipper jerked his head away instinctively, "Don't touch me." He gasped out. 

Billy's eyes widened, and Dipper felt his chest constrict, swallowing harshly, putting a hand to his head, "I'm... I'm sorry, I just- I-I have really bad anxiety and... today's just been a really s-stressful day." He tried to explain, gulping and trying to even his breathing. Billy looked uncertain, "Oh, um, do you like, need a minute or...?" He trailed off when Dipper nodded.

"Please." He breathed, hand to his chest. The blond stood up and backed off, hands up in surrender, letting the brunette compose himself. After a moment or two, Dipper sighed, his pulse calm and his breathing even. He smiled weakly at Billy, who cautiously sat back down a ways away from him, giving him some space. The brunette sighed again, rubbing his arm, "Thanks. I didn't mean to, you know, snip at you. It's just, I'm used to being bullied, so touch is kind of a big no no for me. That, and I may or may not have forgotten my medicine today." He admitted sheepishly. 

Billy rolled his eyes, tentative look disappearing in place of a smirk, "Geez kid." He said with a light laugh. Dipper chuckled softly, then stood, stretching, "Well, I have to...go do something." He tried lamely, but Billy started to reach for his wrist, then shook his head and stood up to stand in front of him, crossing his arms with a raised brow. 

"You never answered my question." Dipper started to sweat nervously, and he stared at the wall beside Billy's shoulder, "I-I told you, it's nothing." He lied weakly. He shrunk under the blond's stare, and the teen tapped his foot, "We both know that's not the case Dipper." He said. The brunette fidgeted with his vest, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." He mumbled bitterly. So much for friendship. Why couldn't he do this right? 

Billy's expression softened, and the blond sighed, smiling, "Try me kid. I doubt anything you can say will be nothing I've never heard before." He urged. Okay, maybe friendship was still a thing. Dipper bit his lip, reaching a hand inside his vest, already decided though he wanted to seem like he wasn't. 

"Promise you won't laugh?" He prodded, narrowing his eyes slightly. The taller male scoffed, nodding. Dipper took a deep breath, "Okay," He muttered beneath his breath, before raising his head and his voice. "I keep feeling like something weird is going on in Gravity Falls, but Stan and Mabel are convinced I'm crazy. I keep seeing shadows move out of the corner of my eye, and I feel like I'm being stalked by something everytime I go near the woods. I was starting to believe Grunkle Stan, but then I found this." He explained, bringing out the journal. 

He didn't notice Billy stiffen and his irises flash red momentarily, before he regained his blank expression. Dipper started flipping through it, showing off a few pages to the blond, "It's like a guide to the weirdness of Gravity Falls. All these monsters and mutants, legends, according to this book, they're all real! So when Norman showed up, I consulted the journal. Billy, I think he's...I think he's..." Dipper paused, biting his lip. 

The blond tilted his head, "C'mon Dip, spit it out man." He prodded. The twelve year old puffed out a breath and showed the blond the zombie page, "A zombie." He whispered. Billy gently took the book from him, his eyes flashing briefly. Dipper waited with bated breath, "...Well?" He finally asked, worriedly wringing his hands. Billy didn't look up, shrugging, "I believe you." 

"I knew it! I knew you would la- wait what?" He spluttered, eyes wide. Billy looked up, grinning, shutting the book and handing it back, "I said I believe you. I've noticed a lot of weird stuff about this town, and the forest. I've actually seen most everything in here, most likely. Unfortunately most of the other permanent residents here are pretty dull, and either don't notice it, or repress it, brushing it off." The teen confided with a smirk. 

Dipper's eyes widened, and he clutched the journal tightly, "Are you serious!? T-that's... Nevermind, could you- oh forget it." He finally grumbled, tucking the book away. Billy shoved his thumbs in his pants pockets, "I heard Soos say something about getting evidence though. You gonna let me in on that, Shorts?" He asked. 

Dipper blinked, then rolled his eyes, "Why does everyone pick on my shorts!? They're of average length!" He huffed, before smiling and nodding. He raced into the attic and grabbed his camcorder from his bag, coming back out and waving it around, "Let's go then. If you really want in, that is." He added, unsure. An eyeroll, "Well I didn't ask for no reason. Let's rock and roll, huh?" He suggested, turning and walking downstairs again. 

Dipper blinked, raising an eyebrow, but then shook his head, following after with a call of, "Wait up! Dang it, why are you so tall!?"

 

 

~Time Skip~

 

 

Dipper and Billy had been discreetly following Mabel and Norman for an hour or two, and while several instances were suspicious, like where he fell into the grave, nothing they saw was solid evidence. They'd spent a lot of their free time following the couple around, with nothing to show for it, and Dipper's camcorder's memory was nearly full. He trudged back to the shack with lungs that felt like lead, hands shoved dejectedly in his pockets. 

Billy nudged his calf with the toe of his boot, smiling half heartedly, "Eh, I'm sure we'll find something tomorrow." He tried, and Dipper sighed, trying to return the smile but it came across as more of a grimace. He shook his head, "If I'm right, then we may not have until tomorrow." He muttered woefully. 

The blond rubbed the back of his neck, blowing a strand of golden hair from his vision, "Then at least try to warn your sister, though I don't think she'll listen." He sighed, stopping on the porch. He suddenly looked embarrassed, "Hey, can I stay for lunch? I'm not sure Dad-" 

"Yeah, that's fine. Stan's probably making stancakes again, so if you think you can stomach it, go right ahead." Dipper agreed tiredly, dragging a hand down his face as he trudged into the shack. Billy practically beamed, grinning widely as he followed after the boy, heading for the kitchen as Dipper made his way upstairs to talk to Mabel, who had gotten home a few minutes ago. 

Dipper steeled himself before opening the attic door, seeing Mabel pulling on her purple cat sweater, looking herself over in the mirror. "Mabel. we've gotta talk about Norman." He started. Mabel turned around with a giggly grin, "Isn't he the best? Check out this giant smooch mark he gave me!" She turned her face for Dipper to see a large hickey on the side of her face. He screeched loudly, about to start panicking that his twin was going to turn into one of the undead, when she laughed. She rolled her eyes, "Ha ha! Gullible. It was just an accident with the leaf blower." She said, eyes going a little distant, "That was fun." 

Dipper blinked then shook his head, "No Mabel, I'm trying to tell you that Norman is not what his seems!" He tried to explain, pulling out the journal. Mabel looked at it and gasped, smacking her hands to her cheeks, "You think he might be a vampire? That would be so awesome!" She whisper-shouted excitedly. Dipper flipped the book open, "Guess again sister...Shabam!" He shouted, flipping it to show her. She squealed and he saw that it was the gnome page, not the zombie page. 

He sighed, "Oh wait, wait, I'm sorry...Shabam!" He tried again, flipping to the right page. Instead of being horrified, Mabel rolled her eyes, "A zombie? That's not funny Dipper." She said incredulously. Dipper put the journal away with wide eyes, "I'm not joking! Look, it all adds up. The groaning, the bleeding- He never blinks! Have you noticed that!?" He squeaked hysterically. Mabel shrugged with a smile, "Maybe he's blinking when you're blinking." She suggested.

The brunette shook his head vigorously, "Mabel, don't you remember what the book said about Gravity Falls? Trust no one!" He hissed worriedly. Mabel's face fell a little, "What about me, huh? Can't you trust me?" She asked softly. She put on her earrings without waiting for an answer, smiling obliviously. 

Dipper spun her around and shook her, "Mabel, he's gonna EAT YOUR BRAIN!" He yelled, angry she wasn't listening. Mabel glared and shoved him off her, "Dipper listen to me," She started, poking a finger in his chest, "I'm going on a date with Norman at five o clock. I'm gonna be _adorable_ , and he's gonna be _dreamy_ , and I'm not gonna let you ruin it with one of your crazy CONSPIRACIES!" She had gotten progressively louder as he'd backed up, stammering, and now she slammed the door in his face. White faced, he clutched the journal to his chest, "Oh, what am I gonna do?" He said miserably. 

There was only an hour until five o clock, he should talk to Billy about this. But... he bit his lip. What if he was just being paranoid? He would ruin Mabel's date and she would be mad at him. Granted, she couldn't stay mad long, but those few hours she would be mad were going to be torture enough. He finally just sighed, turning around to trudge downstairs. 

He walked dejectedly into the kitchen, seeing Billy and Stan sitting at the table, discussing something in low tones, shutting up abruptly as soon as he walked in. Billy smiled weakly at Dipper, gesturing to the stove, "I made grilled cheese sandwiches. Want one?" He asked. Dipper blew a stray curl from his face, tucking another one behind his ear, "Yeah. Thanks Billy." He muttered taking a sandwich from the pan on the still warm stove, taking a bite. 

The toast was firm but not burnt, a generous amount of butter clearly used, and the cheese hot and perfectly melted. It immediately lifted his spirits, and he took another bite with a hum. He poured himself a glass of milk, deciding at the last moment he wanted chocolate. He dug around in the fridge, pulling out the Hershey's syrup, immediately finding that the syrup was slow and thick, not wanting to relinquish the chocolatey goodness. 

Dipper huffed, shaking the bottle over his cup, and it came flying out all over the cup and his hand. He groaned softly, rolling his eyes at the ceiling before squirting a little more in and then stirring, putting the bottle back. He then proceeded to lick the chocolate from his fingers, sticking his syrup covered pinkie in his mouth and sucking the chocolate off, taking it out with a slick pop. He then turned back around with his cup and sandwich, pausing when he found Billy staring at him. 

His cheeks were abruptly painted pink, and he coughed before taking another bite of his sandwich and setting his cup down at the table. Stan got up, grumbling about opening back up in a few minutes, leaving the two alone. Dipper brought as his camcorder to go through the videos he had taken, watching with a slightly disgruntled expression. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. His doubt came back to prod him once more, and he glanced at Billy, who was finishing off his own sandwich, wiping his buttery fingers off with a napkin. Dipper mentally facepalmed. 

He then sighed, "Maybe I was wrong. What if we did all this for nothing?" He asked, looking up. Billy's bright blue eyes met his, and the elder frowned, "We didn't. I'm sure there's something you're just not seeing. Little details." He muttered pointedly, averting his eyes, posture stiff, as if he knew something Dipper didn't. The blond stood up, putting his plate in the sink, before turning back to Dipper, running a hand through his hair. 

Billy sighed, "Look, just go back through the footage. I'll be outside if you find anything, so just yell, alright, Starchild?" He said. Dipper blinked, "Starchild?" Billy flicked his hat then leaned back, "Trying to find a nickname that works for you, since your sister has taken all the good ones." He explained with a grin, before turning and walking off. 

Dipper frowned and took off his hat, seeing the little brown star across the fabric and nodding in understanding. He finished his food and dumped his dishes in the sink, going into the living room to look through the evidence. He didn't know how much time he spent on the recliner, watching the footage and muttering to himself. 

Eventually, and much too soon in Dipper's opinion, the doorbell rang. His sister was a blur, shooting down the steps at top speed and yelling, "IM COMING!" Dipper watched as she opened the door with a bright smile at the dark teen on the other side. 

She grinned so widely her braces were fully bared, glinting in the sunlight and blinding Norman almost as much as her overly sparkly sweater was. She held out said sweater, "Hey Norman! How do I look?" The hooded teen blinked, "Shi...ny." He answered slowly, forcing it out. Mabel positively beamed, "Aw, you always know just what to say! Let's go!" She gushed, before grabbing his hand and running off. 

Dipper leaned back with a heavy sigh, focusing back on the camcorder with a grimace as the door slammed shut. He watched with bored disinterest as he saw Mabel and Norman playong hopscotch on the tiny screen, "Soos is right, we don't have any real evidence." He grumbled as the scene switched to Norman with his arm around Mabel's shoulders. 

"I guess I can be kinda paranoid and- wait, WHAT!?" he shrieked as he saw, clear as day, Norman's hand fall off. Norman glanced around worriedly and stick the hand back on. Dipper flailed, sending the recliner backwards, falling with it with a yelp. He shot back up, not bothering to right the chair as panic flooded his system, "I was right, oh my gosh, I was right! Grunkle Stan!" He yelled as he raced out the door. 

Then he suddenly remembered what Billy had said, and he gasped, "I gotta tell Billy!" He breathed, looking around frantically. He didn't see the blond anywhere, and finally decided he could tell him later, right now he had to save his sister. He ran over to where Stan was entertaining tourists, catching a brief bit of conversation. 

"Look, it's not an actual face, okay!? It's a rock that looks like a face!" 

"But is it a face?" 

"UGH!" 

Dipper tried to yell for his Grunkle, waving his arms to try and get his attention, but he was too short and the tourists were being to loud with asking their idiotic questions. Dipper finally gave up on him too, abruptly turning with a growl of frustration. His eyes lit up when he saw Wendy parking the golf cart, and he ran over, waving his arms frantically as he reached her. 

"WENDY, Wendy! I need the cart to save my sister from a zombie!" He shouted, praying she wouldn't laugh at him. His stomach dropped when she smiled, but then lifted as she threw the keys at him with a wink, "Try not to hit any pedestrians!" She called as she walked away. Dipper grinned, jumping in the cart and cranking it, shoving it in reverse. 

He stopped it when he saw Soos however, and the man smiled and handed him a shovel, "Hey dude. This is for the zombies." He explained, and Dipper took it with a grateful smile. He was confused when Soos also handed him a bat, "And this is in case you see a pinata." 

Dipper raised an eyebrow but took it anyway, "Uh thanks, Soos..." He replied, a bit bewildered, then drove off once more, disappearing through the trees in a cloud of dust. Soos jumped when he heard a voice behind him, "Was that Dipper?" Billy asked, bit surprised. 

Soos nodded, "Yeah. Little dude said he was gonna go save Mabel from her zombie boyfriend. Guess he finally found some evidence." He answered with a shrug. Billy's eyes widened, and he smacked the man's shoulder, "Stupid kid...Thanks Soos!" He yelled as he raced off down the path Dipper had taken. 

Meanwhile, Dipper was crashing down a large hill as he heard Mabel's voice, his heart pounding. "-let go of me! Yah!" He heard her yell as he neared the place where she was. From this distance, he saw not a zombie, but a bunch of little men in red hats. Mabel kicked one and it fell over, staggering to the birch tree behind it and vomiting up a glittering rainbow substance. He slowed the cart and stopped it, getting out, getting more confused by the second. 

He grabbed the shovel, going forward, "What the _heck_ is going on here!?" He demanded, flinching back as a little man hissed at him. Mabel turned to see him, and broke into a relieved smile, that quickly fell, "Dipper! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they're all jerks!" She yelled, punching another one in the face. 

Dipper blinked, "Gnomes? Huh, I was way off." He mumbled before seeing another gnome bite his twin as they took her down. Dipper scowled, angry, and walked forward, brandishing g the shovel, "Hey, hey! Let go of my sister!" He ordered, glaring. The brown haired gnome, the supposed leader, turned around with a nervous smile. 

"Oh, uh, hey there. See, this all just a big misunderstanding. Your sister's not in danger, she's just marrying all one thousand of us for all eternity! Isn't that right, honey?" He asked the struggling girl behind him, who was now pinned to the ground by ropes. Dipper didn't like how he said all that as if it made it any better. 

Forced marriages were almost as bad as death in his opinion. Bound to one person you're most likely going to hate for the rest of your life. Gross. 

Mabel glared at all of them, resentment in her gaze, and Dipper found he couldn't blame her, "You guys are buttfaces!" They slapped their hands over her mouth, muffling anymore insults to their name. Dipper pointed the shovel at the leader threateningly, "Give her back right now, or else!" He warned, hazel eyes narrowed. 

The gnome glared right back, "You think you can take us, boy? The gnomes are a powerful race! The gnomes will-" He was cut off as Dipper simply scooped him up with the shovel and tossed him aside. He then ran forward and cut Mabel's ropes, and she lept up with a grin, racing after her brother. He jumped in and cranked it, tossing back the shovel, "Seatbelt," He reminded before fading it in reverse, turning and driving forward at top speed. 

He slowed down a bit after they'd driven for a while, and Mabel glanced at him worriedly, "Shouldn't we go faster? What if they come after us?" She asked. Dipper waved a dismissive hand with a small smile, "I wouldn't worry about that. Did you see their little legs? Pfft." He scoffed, then abruptly slammed on the breaks as they turned a corner, almost running into a certain panting blond. Billy's eyes widened and he quickly went over and smacked Dipper upside the head. "Ow! Hey!" 

"I told you to come get me, knucklehead! But what do you do? You go gallivanting into the forest like freakin' Braveheart, without me!" He said. Dipper rubbed his head and shook it, "But Billy, it was just a bunch of gnomes! It wasn't a zombie like I thought!" He tried to explain. Billy almost never got mad, and Dipper didn't like being the subject of his anger. 

The blue and gold flecked eyes widened, "Oh dear lord, please tell me you didn't manage to piss off the gnomes." He pleaded, scrubbing a hand down his face. Mabel piped up, "He may or may not have tossed the leader Jeff into the bushes with a shovel to rescue me. Also, you were in on this!?" 

Billy ignored her, "Oh, we are so dead. Okay, okay, Dipper, floor it." He ordered, jumping onto the back of the cart. Dipper blinked, twisting back to look at him, "What, why!?" He asked, perplexed. Billy rolled his eyes and shook the poles holding up the roof, "Because if- Holy shiz." He breathed, his head whipping around as a loud tremor rattled the ground. Dipper gasped, and Mabel gulped. 

A large mass of gnomes had collected together to form one giant gnome monster. The brunette could see Jeff at the top, barking orders, "Alright, like we practiced. Left foot, right foot, all together now-" The air was split with a shrieking, ear rattling roar. 

Billy shook the poles again, "Go, go, go, GO!" He shouted, and Dipper didn't hesitate, slamming his foot back down on the pedal, and they took off with a lurch, speeding through the trees once again. Billy ducked his head down into the back of the cart, popping back up with the baseball bat in hand. Just on time too, because at that moment a horde of gnomes were launched straight at the cart. His eyes narrowed, and he cocked it back and swung like a professional, smacking three of them at once. 

A few tumbled onto the roof, beginning to crawl down to attack the twins. Mabel screeched, then punched one in the face, and another dropped down to hiss at Dipper. The boy squeaked, the scowled and snatched it, slamming it repeatedly against the wheel, sending shrill beeps through the forest before he threw it out the side of the cart. It went squealing into the bushes, and Dipper heard Billy yelp before cursing. 

He glanced back to see a gnome hanging off the blond's sweatshirt, clawing at his hair as the teen tried to whack it off with the bat. Dipper reached back blindly and grabbed a fistful of course white hair, yanking the screeching creature off his friend and slamming it back against the poles, causing it to yelp and bounce off and get lost in the dust. 

They all let out a yell as Dipper sped over a rock, sending them soaring and spinning. They crashed back to the dirt path, and Mabel looked about to puke. Billy groaned. 

"Watch the road, Shorts!"

"Now is really not the time for nicknames Billy!" 

"I'm gonna throw up!" 

"ITS GETTING CLOSER!" 

A loud tearing sound sounded as a tree was ripped from the ground, going soaring over their heads, sending dirt and wood chips flying. Two screams and one exasperated, "Oh great!" Echoed through the trees. Billy reached down and wrenched the wheel from Dipper, turning it harshly so they were sent up on two wheels. They slipped through the slim space between the roots and a birch tree, before tipping back down as Billy released the wheel. Dipper snapped back to his senses, grasping the wheel and slamming on the gas pedal once more.

A gnome that hadn't been thrown off earlier now dropped and attached itself to Dipper's face, scratching and clawing for his eyes. He yelped, yelling in panic as he flailed. "I'll save you Dipper!" Mabel yelled, before repeatedly punching the gnome on Dipper's face, making more pain explode in his face. With one last powerful punch, the gnome flew off and he swayed before righting the swaying cart, "Thanks Mabel..." He said weakly, face scratched all up and bruises blossoming over his cheeks. 

He felt the wind against his hair, and realized he'd lost his hat. The shack came into sight through the trees, and he felt hope and relief bloom in his chest. Then, before he knew what was happening, they had gone flying again, the cart going tumbling to a skidding stop right in front of the left side of the shack. 

Dipper crawled out just in time to see Billy get tossed out of the cart, hitting the side of the building hard and falling to the ground with a groan. He didn't get back up. Mabel gasped and scrambled over to him, Dipper staggering after unsteadily. He saw blood trickling down the blond's temple, and Billy's eyes fluttered open, and he tried to push himself up, but failed, collasping back to the leaf covered dirt with a pained grunt. 

A shadow loomed over them, and Dipper grabbed the shovel, throwing it at the monster, "Stay back!" It punched it out of its way, and Jeff glared down at them, "It's the end of the line kids! Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy!" He yelled down. Billy coughed out a weak laugh, "Oh, so that's what this is about. Psh, these jerks are idiots." He muttered, still struggling to get at least into a sitting position. Dipper gulped, backing up to stand next to Mabel, "There's gotta be a way outta this!" He cried desperately. 

Mabel's expression hardened and her brows knit together as she stepped forward, "I gotta do it." She muttered, almost resigned. Dipper gawked, "What!? Mabel are you crazy?" He hissed. Mabel gave him a soft, pleading look, "Trust me." She said. Dipper blinked, "W-what?" He stammered. Mabel smiled a bit, "Dipper, just this once, trust me." She pleaded, eyes wide. Dipper bit his lip, but finally raised his hands and stepped back. Billy's eyes widened, "Kid-" 

"Wait for it." Dipper whispered, a small, hidden smirk taking over his face as his twin walked forward. "Alright Jeff, I'll marry you." She conceded. Jeff's entire face lit up and he grinned, "Hot dog! Let me down, there Steve. Oh. watch the overalls, alright." He muttered as he climbed down the monster. He finally reached the bottom and brushed himself off, smiling as he strutted over to Mabel, who knelt with a bashful smile. Dipper slowly edged over as Jeff slid the ring on her finger, and he stood right behind her. 

Billy raised his head to watch, that being the only part of himself he could move at the moment. Jeff did a little jig, "Bada bing, bada boom! Let's get you back into the forest, huh honey?" He suggested, turning to go back towards the woods. Mabel admired the ring, "You may now kiss the bride." She quoted, and Jeff halted. He turned around with a smirk, thumbs in his overall straps, "Well, don't mind if I do." He mused, going forward as Mabel bent down. He reached her just in time for her to whip out the hidden leaf blower, flicking it on. 

Air and leaves whooshed inside, pulling at Jeff, who's eyes blew wide, and he tried to scramble away, "H-hey, wait a minute! W-what going on?" He stammered as he was sucked back into the black nozzle. Mabel's bashful, innocent expression was gone, replaced by one of hurt, irritation, and anger. 

"That's for lying to me!" She yelled, boosting the power, "That's for messing with my heart," She said, and Jeff squealed in pain as she boosted it again, glancing at Dipper who was now at her side. 

"And this is for messing with my brother!" She grinned at him and motioned at the leaf blower, "Wanna do the honors?" They shared a smirk and he took the handle. "On three. One, two, THREE!" He shoved the handle forward, the airflow reversing and sending Jeff shooting off through the middle of the gnome monster. making it implode and crumble.

Jeff flew off over the treetops with a wail of, "I'll get you back for this!" while the other gnomes scrambled about confusedly. "Who's giving orders? I need orders!" Similar shouts and calls were thrown around, and they all shrieked as Mabel turned the blower on them. 

Dipper stood behind her with a triumphant smile and his arms crossed, "Anybody else want some?" He shouted, and the gnomes all squawked and began to race off into the woods. Mabel nodded with satisfaction and shut it off, throwing it down and running back to Billy, who was watching with wide eyes and an impressed expression. Dipper blinked. He'd forgotten the blond was still there. 

Now, he ran over to help Mabel haul him up and carry him to he porch. Billy winced, "Ah, Geez, ow. That was some nice fighting you guys did back there by the way. Quick thinking, Sweaters." He mumbled, giving a small, pained smile. Mabel simpered, "Yeah but I wouldn't have had to use it if I had listen to Dipper. I'm sorry bro bro." She said with a sigh. 

Dipper shrugged, adjusting Billy's weight on his shoulders, "Ah, it's okay. I guess we both got a bit carried away." He replied as they set Billy on the couch on the front porch. The blond groaned and collapsed back on the couch, shutting his eyes. Mabel tugged a leaf from her hair dejectedly, "I guess I'm just sad my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes." She mumbled. 

Dipper rubbed the back of his neck, "Look on the bright side. Maybe the next one.... will be a vampire." He said halfheartedly. Mabel giggled, "You're just saying that." She said. Dipper hummed and opened his arms hesitantly, "Awkward sibling hug?" He asked slowly. Mabel smiled and opened her own arms, "Awkward sibling hug." She agreed. They both went forward and embraced, patting each other on the back, "Pat. Pat." They drawled weirdly, before pulling away. 

The turned as Billy snorted, seeing the blond peeking at them, "You two are weird. But I like that." He conceded softly, smiling. Mabel grinned and Dipper blushed before shrugging one shoulder sheepishly. 

They both worked to haul the blond into the shack, where Stan was counting a fat wad of cash behind the counter with a wide smile. He looked up when they entered, his gray eyes widening.

"Whoa, what happened to you three? You get hit by a bus or something? Ha!" He smacked the desk with a snicker. Not in the mood, Billy began to use the wall to steady himself as he tried to walk, wincing with every step, while the twins merely followed after with bored expressions. Stan frowned and hesitated before shaking his head, "Hey! Um, wouldn't you know it, I accidentally overstocked some inventory. So, each of you, take something, on the house." He called after them. All three of their eyes widened.

"Really?" 

"This is new." 

"What's the catch?" 

They all said in order, Dipper crossing his arms. Stan shrugged, "The catch is do it before I change my mind. Now take something." He grumbled, hiding a small smile as he put the cash away. The all glanced at each other and shrugged, each of them wandering off in different directions. 

Dipper wandered over to the shelves by the door, seeing the blue and white trucker hats. He took one and pulled it over his leaf covered and messy curls, tipping the flap up and looking in the mirror. He smiled, "That outta do the trick." He muttered to himself. 

Billy picked up what looked like a large Aztec stone with a code etched on its sides. He smiled, "Yep, this is goin' over the fireplace." He said happily. Mabel dug around in a cardboard box, smiling, "And I will have a," She sang, spinning a ballerina twirl before presenting her choice, "Grappling hook!" She proclaimed. 

Stan and Dipper glanced at each other, while Billy grinned widely at Mabel. Stan waved his hand, "Wouldn't you rather have, I dunno, a doll or something?" He asked. Mabel shot her hook at the ceiling beam, shooting up with it with a maniac grin, "GRAPPLING HOOK!" 

Stan shrugged with a fond smile, "Fair enough." He said. Mabel then pocketed her find and took both Billy and Dipper's wrists, tugging them towards the kitchen, where she dug under the sink for the first aid kit. Dipper sat, knowing it would be useless to argue with Mabel when she was determined to help, and Billy did the same, a relieved sigh coming from his lips. 

Dipper huffed, lifting up his new hat to pick the leaves from his chocolate curls, dull greens, oranges, and red piled up on the table as he tried to pull them out. He struggled with a particularly tangled bright yellow one, before just letting it fall into his face with a resigned huff. He turned to see Billy looking at him strangely. 

He felt his neck heat up, "What?" He squeaked out defensively, not entirely sure why he was so defensive. Billy then shook his head, smirking and reaching over and flicking the leaf, "The yellow is a good color on you. It's adorable." He replied with a chuckle, plucking the leaf carefully from his hair. 

Dipper turned red with indignance and confusion, "'M not adorable." He mumbled, shoving his hat back on his head. Billy opened his mouth to retort, but went rigid briefly when he saw the symbol on Dipper's hat. Then he snapped back, smirking once more. Dipper didn't notice, and Billy reached forward to place the leaf on the flap of his hat with a grin, "Yeah you are. Just except it." He teased. Dipper pouted, then raised his finger to the sky, pointing at the ceiling before proclaiming, "Never!" In his most warrior-like voice. 

All three of them laughed and the mood was lightened once more. Mabel proceeded to patch them up, Billy first of course. Her little crush had not gone away completely after all. After finding out he didn't have any broken bones, Mabel simply made him take off his sweatshirt, which he refused to do at first, his cheeks coloring. 

Mabel scoffed, "C'mon! It's just freaking antiseptic, it's not gonna hurt." She prodded. He finally caved, taking the dirt stained white a gold garment off, and Dipper stood up stiffly, popping his back with a sigh. He picked it up, "I've got some Oxiclean sticks to get the stains...out." He trailed off as he turned around to see Billy was completely shirtless. 

His chest was dark tan, practically painted with bruises, his muscles taut with pain. That wasn't what caught Dipper's attention though. It was the huge tattoo splayed over the expanse of his back. There were scratches on his neck, dribbling blood down to streak his broad shoulder blades and over the dark ink that lined his back. 

Dipper shook himself out of it, "Whoa, dude, you've got a tattoo?" He asked, a bit impressed. The tat had one big circular symbol in the middle of his back, then surrounded by smaller sayings and what looked like old languages and codes. 

"UHDOLWB LV DQ LOOXVLRQ" was scrawled across the top of the circle, while "WKH XQLYHUVH LV D KRORJUDP" was inked at the bottom. Then splayed on either side stood four sayings, the upper left going "ML KFKKVG HGGRMTH XZM SLOW NV WLDM", the upper right "KZGRVMGOB R DZGXS GSRH GLDM", the lower left "ZYMLINZO HLLM DROO YV GSV MLIN", and the lower right, "VMQLB GSV XZON YVULIV GSV HGLIN". 

It was all garbled nonsense to Dipper, but it sure looked cool. The circle was thick, with a triangle fitted just inside it, and an Aztec looking sun inked in its center in gold. How Billy even managed to find someone with gold ink on hand, Dipper would never know. Billy turned and looked at his back as if he'd forgotten the tattoo was there. 

He smirked, "Yeah, got it a year or so ago. It's a reminder..." He trailed off, eyes going a little distant. Then he shook his head, grin returning, though this time it was a tad too wide, and much more unsettling. It sent a shiver down Dipper's spine. He then shrugged, "Alright. Do you want me to wash this?" He asked. holding up Billy's sweatshirt. 

The blond shook his head, "Nah, it's not that bad. I can wash it at home." He replied. Dipper nodded and placed it back on the table as Mabel finished ogling his ink to patch him the rest of the way up. Dipper then let Mabel work on him, and Billy stood up, said goodbye, and left. It had been a long day, but at the end of it, Dipper felt content. happy. Even with his aches and pains.

 

' _This journal told me there was no one in Gravity Falls I could trust. But when you battle a hundred gnomes side by side with people, you're pretty sure they've always got your back. As weird as this town is, you've got to count on somebody. But who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked?_ '

Dipper closed the journal with a sigh and a fond smile at Mabel as she retrieved her stuffed lion from across the room, putting the book under his pillow. He turned over, "Hey Mabel, can you get the light?" She grinned, "I'm on it!" She proclaimed, aiming her grappling hook at the lantern, and pulling the trigger. 

The sound of shattering glass and startled giggling could be heard, and somewhere deep under the shack, two voices, one of a teen, one of an elder, drifted and whispered of secrets far beyond a child's comprehension.


	4. Chapter 4

It was almost a week after they'd faced off the gnomes, and about three days since they'd gotten out of jail. Dipper made a mental note to never trust Grunkle Stan's version of 'fun' again. 

Billy had laughed his tail off when he'd heard what happened, and while Dipper may trust him a bit more now, he had also sworn to himself that he wouldn't tell the blond anything ever again. He did not like getting laughed at, thank you very much. Though Mabel was usually doing the laughing when Dipper got so excited about something in the journal he choked on air, but her giggles were good hearted.

They hadn't seen anymore big things since the gnomes, but just a few glimpses here and there. It had been quiet for a while though. Today's sunrise brought a slightly cloudy morning, and so far it was a pretty good day. 

Mabel and Dipper grinned at each other across the table, lifting their bottles of syrup, "SYRUP RACE!" They chorused. Mabel held a finger on the lid of her bottle, "On three! One, two THREE!" She yelled and they both flicked open their bottle caps, squeezing for all they were worth. 

"Go Sir Syrup!" 

"Go Mountain Man!" 

The thick amber liquid dripped slowly out of their individual bottles, Dipper's was shaped as a pudgy man that looked like a park ranger, and Mabel's shaped as a snooty looking lumberjack. Both twins cheered on their syrups, and Mabel squealed happily as hers reached her tongue first, laughing triumphantly before dissolving into hacking, pounding her chest as she spluttered. 

Dipper set his bottle down and rolled his eyes, his eyes finding the newspaper, seeing an interesting looking article. He gasped, a grin overtaking his face, "Whoa, hey! Look at this!" He shoved the paper at Mabel.   
She had stopped choking and leaned over, eyes widening as she gasped, "Human sized hamster ball!? I'm human sized!" She yelled excitedly. 

Dipper blinked, confused, before he saw the opposite page and rolled his eyes. "No! Look!" He pointed to the other page that read 'MONSTER PHOTO CONTEST' in big bold letters with a grin, "We see weirder stuff than that everyday! We didn't get any photos of those gnomes, did we?" 

"Nope! Just memories. Oh, and this beard hair," Mabel replied, waving a tuft of white hair in front of Dipper's face. He recoiled in disgust, "Why did you save that?" He asked incredulously. She merely shrugged with a smile. 

They both turned at the sound of their great uncle yawning. He smiled at them, "Good morning knuckleheads. You two know what day it is!?" He said with an unnerving grin. Dipper hummed hesitantly, "Happy...anniversary?" He tried. Mabel threw up her hands, "Mazel tov!" She yelled excitedly. 

Stan whacked Dipper with the newspaper, "It's Family Fun Day, genius." He turned to the fridge and opened it, pulling out the milk and sniffing it, "We're cutting off work and having of those, eh you know, family bonding type deals." He rumbled, shutting the door. Dipper frowned and straightened his hat, "Grunkle Stan, is this gonna be anything like our last family bonding day?" He asked skeptically, remembering the sound of police sirens and Billy's laughter with a grimace. Mabel shuddered, "The county jail was so cold," She whimpered. 

The old man pouted, before shrugging sheepishly, "Alright, maybe I haven't been the _best_ summer caretaker. But I promise, today were gonna have some real family fun! Now who wants to put on a blindfold and get into my car!?" The twins cheered, before Dipper realized what he'd said and his eyes widened, "Wait, what!?"

 

[:•:]

 

The car swerved again and Dipper groped blindly in terror for something to hang onto at his Grunkle's reckless driving. Though he couldn't see anything but the white cloth in front of his eyes, he knew Mabel was grinning from the little giggles he heard coming from her seat. 

The twelve year old boy gulped, "Grunkle Stan, are you wearing a blindfold?" He asked weakly. Stan chuckled, "Nah, but with these cataracts I might as well be." He replied, and Dippers chest tightened. 

"What is that, a woodpecker?" Was the only grumbled warning he got before he felt the car plunge and hit several things at once, sounding vaguely like trees. He let out a high pitched screech while Mabel whooped. Dipper however had now attached himself to the back of Stan's seat and refused to let go of the upholstery, even when Mabel tried to convince him it was smooth for the rest of the way.

He shook his head violently, "I like my head's current position atop my shoulders, thank you. Plus, you can't see either, how would you know!?"

Mabel rolled her eyes behind her blindfold, but let him remain attached to the seat until they jerked to a stop. Stan then ushered them out of the car, making them stand in front of the side doors while he banged around in the trunk. Dipper rubbed his arm anxiously, nearly screaming when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

"Hey guys! Didn't expect to see you here!"Came a familiar voice. Both twins gasped, "Billy!?" They chorused, both reaching to take off their blindfolds. A calloused hand smacked their fingers away, "Not yet!" Stan shouted, and he grumbled something like, "Great, this idiot's back." 

Billy chuckled, "The one and only! Doesn't look like your Uncle is too happy to see me." Dipper crossed his arms, "Considering he's the only one out of the three of us that _can_ see at the moment..." He trailed off sarcastically. He heard Billy bark out a laugh before yelping as a smacking sound reached the twins ears. 

Stan sounded miffed, "Alright, go on now, you'll ruin the surprise." He ordered. Billy gasped, "Oh, oh, oh! Can I take 'em off?" He pleaded, and Dipper sensed rather than saw Stan roll his eyes. He must've nodded because Billy hummed happily and his shadow moved behind them. 

They felt a hand on each of their blindfolds. The old man grunted, "Alright, let them see." Billy saluted, "Aye aye, Cap!" He chirped, tugging the blindfolds down and off their faces. Dipper blinked rapidly against the abrupt sunlight, bringing up a fist to scrub at his eyes before seeing the lake in front of them. Stan was grinning and posing in front of a banner that read 'Fishing Opening Day' in sloppy red paint. 

"It's fishing season!" Stan explained happily. Mabel cocked her head to the side, "Fishing season?" She repeated, confused. Dipper raised an eyebrow, "What're you playing at old man?" He demanded suspiciously. 

They both jumped when the blond behind them rested his chin on their shoulders, grinning widely, "You're gonna love it! The whole town is out here," Billy said, pointing to the lake where it did indeed look to hold the majority of the townsfolk. Dipper bit his lip and shrugged Billy off, stepping forward to where his Grunkle was standing. Stan was still smiling proudly, "It's the perfect family bonding activity." He proclaimed. 

Dipper frowned, "Grunkle Stan, why do you wanna bond with us all of a sudden?" He asked, then turning back to Billy, "And why are you here? This doesn't seem like your cup of tea, man." 

Billy pointed to a small little faded yellow canoe off to the side with duct tape all over it and a net with about four fish in it hanging off the side, "What, you think all those animals I stuff just land on my doorstep? Nuh uh, I have to hunt those little suckers. It's about to be rabbit season too, and those are some tricky little fu- um, guys." He corrected quickly, coughing awkwardly into his fist. 

Stan glared at him for a moment, then turned back to the twins, "C'mon, this is gonna be great! I've never had fishing buddies before, the guys at the lodge won't go with me because they don't 'like' or 'trust' me." He grouched, doing air quotes with an eyeroll. 

Billy scoffed, shoving his hands in his hoodie, "I know how that feels." He mumbled. Mabel gave Dipper a wide eyed look with raised eyebrows, "I think he actually wants to fish with us." She murmured, either not hearing or ignoring Billy's statement. Their Grunkle grinned, "Hey, I know what'll cheer you two up!" He then brought out two lumpy hats and jammed them on the twins heads. 

"Pow! Pines' family hats!" Dipper pulled off the offending cap to inspect it, seeing uneven letters in varying shades of blue and green spelling out 'Dippy'. He heard Billy snicker behind him, "I didn't even think of that one. I love your new hat, Dippy," He giggled, and Dipper elbowed him in the stomach. "Shut up, Billy." He mumbled, rolling his hazel eyes. 

His eyes softened at Stan's hopeful face, "T-that's hand stitching you know." The old man tried. The two brunettes glanced at each other, and Stan nodded firmly, "Yep, it's just gonna be me, you, and those goofy hats on a boat for ten hours!"

Any contemplation Dipper had was immediately gone, and his face paled, "Ten hours!?" He squeaked. Stan brought out a horridly familiar book, "I brought the joke book~" He tried to entice. Billy's eyes widened, all amusement gone, "Hey, would you look at that, one of my fish is getting loose- and there's Soos too! Bye guys!" He shouted quickly as he jogged away. 

Dipper glared at his retreating back, though the horror of the horrible puns nonstop for ten hours was enough to make him shudder. "There has to be a way out of this." Mabel whispered. Before Dipper could reply, a hoarse shout carried above the boats as an old man with a beard down to his bowed ankles shoved everyone aside, "I SEEN IT! I DUN SEEN IT AGAIN I TELL YA!" The old man howled. 

Dipper blinked as the man sprinted towards the boat house, flipping tables and smacking food and fishing poles outta people's hands as he went. The old man grabbed a random man and shook him, "The Gravity Falls Gobblewonker! Come quick before it scrabdoodles away!" He then proceeded to flail about with random hoots and hollers as the curious pair walked over. 

Mabel smiled sweetly, "Aw, he's doing a happy jig!" She was abruptly grabbed by a pair of bandaged hands as crazed brown eyes locked with theirs. "Noooo! It's a jig of grave danger!" The man cried. A man them exited the boat house with his mouth set in a tight line, "Hey, hey!" He barked. 

The bearded loon then grabbed his ratty brown hat with a yelp and tried to scramble away as the other man brought out a squirt bottle and proceeded to spray him, "Now what did I say about scaring my costumers?" He scolded, making the old man cower and flinch. Then he hissed like an old tabby cat and flailed, "But I got proof this time, by guppity!" He hollered, making the other man stop spritz in going enough for him to scamper out of range. 

He then beckoned and the twins followed after the crowd as he led them out on the dock. He pointed frantically to what looked like a dingy boat that had been bitten in half. "Behold!" He proclaimed, "It's the Gobbledywonker what dun did it! It had a long neck like a geeraffe, and wrinkly skin like, uh- like this gentleman right here!" He pointed to Stan, who was currently picking his ear with his pinkie. Dipper cringed. 

"Eh?" Stan looked up, confused. The raving man ignored Stan and waved his arms frantically, "It jawed my boat up to smitheroons, then swam on over to Scuttlebutt Island! Ya got to believe me!" The two policemen glanced at each other, then the chubby one smirked and adjusted his sunglasses, "Attention all units, we got ourselves a crazy old man." 

Everyone snickered, and the boat house manager shook his head disappointedly. Dipper frowned sympathetically; he knew how that felt. 

The man began slump off, "Ah donkey spittle. Banjo polish, mrngh." He grumbled as everyone walked away. The three Pines stayed behind, and Stan blinked, "Well that happened," He said cheerfully, clambering into an unsteady looking boat, "Now let's untied this boat and get out on that lake!" 

As their Grunkle busied himself with the ropes, Dipper turned to Mabel with a wide, excited smile, "Mabel, did you hear what that old dude said!?" He totally did _not_ squeal. Mabel contorted her expression to look like that of a disoriented raccoon, "Aw donkey spittle." She drawled, spitting off to the side. Dipper rolled his eyes, "The other thing! About the monster. If we can snag a photo of it, we could split the prize fifty-fifty." He explained excitedly. 

The girl gasped, "That’s two fifties!" Dipper was bouncing on his heels, "Imagine what you could do, with _five hundred dollars!_ " Mabel's eyes went distant, and Dipper could only guess at what she was imagining. He vaguely heard her mumble, "You can look, but you can't touch." Before he snapped his fingers in front of her face to regain her attention.

She blinked before turning to face him with a determined expression, "Dipper, I am one million percent on board with this!" That was all Dipper needed to hear. He ambled over to where Stan was still talking, assuming they were listening, though he jumped when Dipper put an arm around his shoulders. 

"Grunkle Stan! Change of plans, we're taking this boat over to Scuttlebutt Island, and we're gonna find that Gobblewonker!" He said, before Mabel started chanting, "Monster hunt! Monster hunt!" And he joined in.   
"Monster hunt! Monster hunt! MONSTER HUNT! MONST-" 

"-Ter hunt! Monster hunt!" A familiar voice joined in, echoing from over a roar of water. The twins turned to see Billy on a motorboat with Soos behind the wheel, his hands cupped over his mouth to amplify his voice as he grinned. Soos pulled up next to the dock, "You dudes say somethin' about a monster hunt?" 

"Soos!" Mabel cheered. The handyman grinned and leaned over the side, "What's up hambone?" He said, fist bumping the female twin. Billy leaned over the side too, smirking at Dipper with his hand raised. Dipper raised an eyebrow and Billy's smirk grew, "C'mon, don't leave me hanging Dippy!" He laughed. 

Dipper scowled half heartedly, but high fived him anyway with an eyeroll. Soos spoke again, "Dudes, you can totally use my boat for your hunt. It's got a steering wheel, and chairs, all the normal boat stuff." He patted the side fondly. Dipper grinned, but was stopped by Stan holding up his hands, "Alright, alright, alright. Let's think this through. You kids could go waste your time on some epic, monster finding adventure, or you could spend the day learning how to tie knots or skewer worms with your Great Uncle Stan!" The twins blinked as Stan puffed up proudly, eyes closing as he posed. 

Billy leaned forward, "Psst. I've got chocolate." He whispered. Welp, that settled it. They grinned, and discreetly hopped on the boat with the help of the other two males. Stan smiled, "So what do ya say?" He opened his eyes to see Soos' boat speeding away as the twins cheered, "We made the right choice!"

He scowled, though his eyes flashed briefly with hurt, "Fine! I don't need you two. I can have a good time all by myself." He grumbled. Meanwhile Dipper was posing heroically at the head of the boat, calling back behind him to the other three. 

"Hoist the anchor, raise the flag! We're gonna find that Gobblewonker!" He proclaimed. Billy rolled his eyes, "Who names these things?" He murmured. Mabel smiled, "We're gonna win that photo contest!" She shouted, pumping her fists in the air. Soos suddenly piped up, "Do any of you dudes have sunscreen?" He asked. 

Billy raised his hand, digging around in a black duffle bag beside him before tossing a bottle with a smiling sun on it to the Hispanic man. Mabel snatched it and began to slather the lotion on her face, giggling. Dipper looked back briefly, smiling softly, "Pass me that after you're done." He called before turning back to watch the lake with narrowed eyes. 

He jumped when Billy appeared beside him, crossing his arms on the railing. He held up an unwrapped chocolate bar, and Dipper snapped off a piece and popped it into his mouth, "Thank you." He murmured around his treat, and Billy got himself a piece before he rewrapped it and put it in his hoodie pocket. 

The blond hummed, "So what's with this contest you keep talking about?" He asked curiously. Dipper sighed, "I found this ad in the paper that offered 1,000 dollars cash as a prize for whoever could present the best photo of a rare monster. Mabel and I were gonna split the prize, and I'm pretty sure she's gonna use her half to buy that giant hamster ball she saw earlier this morning." He answered. 

Billy glanced at him, "What're you gonna use your half for?" He prodded, nudging the boy. Dipper moved so he sat on the railing, swinging his feet over the rippling water lightly with a shrug, "I dunno. I'm just in it to win, you know? Though, if I did win, there's this book I've been wanting for a while called Splintered. It's like play off of Alice In Wonderland, and I've seen it around, but I've never had enough money to buy it." He explained with a wistful grin. 

Billy shook his head with a chuckle, then sobered as his expression turned thoughtful, "I'm surprised you don't really care about the money. Five hundred bucks is a lot of money to some people. By some people I mean me." 

Dipper smiled and cocked his head to the side, "Well, once I buy my book, I'll give you the rest. You're part of our group too, I suppose it's only fair," He mused. Billy's eyes widened, then he smirked, "I'm holding you to that Nancy Drew." He teased. 

Dipper rolled his eyes, beginning to fiddle with the buckles on his life vest, "Money isn't really that important to me. I just want people to listen to me." He grumbled. Billy's eyes softened a bit, and he raised his hand to flick Dipper's temple with a playful grin, "Well hey, Im almost always all ears...Dippy," He said cheekily. Dipper blinked, then snorted, shoving him lightly, "And for a moment I thought you were actually being serious." He rolled his eyes with a fond smile. 

Billy's eyes lit up and he smiled mischievously, "Never. Hey, stand up." He said, moving behind the twelve year old. Dipper gave him an apprehensive look, hands tightening on the railing, "Why?" He asked timidly. The sixteen year old rolled his eyes, "Just do it. And hold out your arms." He ordered, poking the child until he reluctantly stood up, wobbling on the railing before clutching the white clothed arm beside him to steady himself. 

"Hey, easy, easy," The teen cooed, balancing the flailing boy. Dipper gulped, "Do _not_ let me fall. I mean it." He said shakily. Billy chuckled, "Weeell-" 

"Billy I swear to whatever God you believe in, if you drop me I will sick Mabel and her glitter glue gun on you." 

"Yeesh kid, relax! I'm not gonna drop you." Billy soothed, placing his hands on either side of Dipper's waist. His fingers tightened, and Dipper jolted, feeling heat creep up his neck. Billy smirked, "Arms out, Shorts," He sang. The boy glared at him, before sighing heavily and slowly raised his arms by his sides. 

When Billy didn't shove him overboard, he relaxed, the calming sensation of wind through his curls and the sound of rushing water reaching him. He heard Billy humming a slightly familiar tune, and smiled slightly, closing his eyes. 

Suddenly Mabel gasped, "OMIGOSH ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY DOING THE TITANIC POSE!? THAT IS SO ADORABLE!" A shutter clicked and he heard Mabel sing, "Scrapbookortunity!" 

Dipper's face flushed a lovely pink and he turned back to see Billy grinning at Mabel, "Why not? We're on the lake after all. You wanna go next?" He asked. Mabel gasped and squealed, "Yes! Dipper, Dip Dip, Dipdop, Dippingsauce, you gotta take the picture!" She shouted, rushing forward as the male twin hurriedly scrambled down from the railing with red cheeks. 

She shoved the disposable camera into his hands, and ran over to Billy, grinning like a maniac as he hoisted her up to the railing. Dipper sighed goodnaturedly and snapped the photo. Mabel gasped, "Now do one with superman poses!" She yelled, bouncing on her heels. 

Dipper blinked, then abruptly shook his head, good mood morphing into a business one, "No, no! Alright, enough fooling around, let's get serious!" He slammed his fist into his palm firmly. He began to pace back and forth as he plotted, "If we wanna win this contest we gotta do it right. Think; what is the number one problem with most monster hunts?" He asked the group. 

Billy hoisted Mabel to sit on his shoulders, "Your side characters always die in the first five minutes of the movie!" He chirped happily. Soos gasped in horror, "Dudes, am I a side character!? Do you ever think about stuff like that?" He whispered. Dipper shook his head, "No, no, no. Camera trouble! Say Bigfoot shows up. Soos, be Bigfoot," He ordered. Soos immediately turned and did his best Sasquatch impression. 

' _Good enough_ ' Dipper thought. He pretended to look awed, "There he is! Bigfoot!" He pat himself down exaggeratedly. "Uh-oh, no camera. Oh wait, here's one- Aw, no film!" He quit the acting and gestured, "You see what I'm doing here?" He asked. They all looked thoughtful. 

"Oh yeah."

"Dude's got a point." 

"Valid observation."

Dipper then held up his camera, "That is why I bought twenty one disposable cameras. Two on my ankle, three in my jacket, four for each of you, three extras in this bag, and one under my hat." He plucked up his cap to show it off, before putting it back on firmly with a proud smile. 

"There's no way we're gonna miss this. Okay everyone, test your cameras out." He invited, tossing everyone their cameras. Soos smiled a bit as he turned a camera over in his hands before clicking the button. However, he was holding it backwards so the flash blinded him and he tossed it overboard with a pained shriek.

Everyone cringed, but Dipper smiled weakly, "Ya see? This is why we need backup cameras. We still have twenty." Just then a bird flew by, and Mabel almost flipped off Billy's shoulders, chucking a camera at it with a squeal. Dipper sighed.

"Okay, nineteen. I repeat, do not lose your cameras." 

"Wait, lose the cameras?" 

"Don't!"

"Dude I just threw two away." 

Dipper threw up his hands in exasperation, "Seventeen! Alright, we still have seventeen cam-" He winced as he slammed his hand down and a crushing sound ensued. His eye twitched, "Sixteen. We have sixteen cameras," He stated tiredly. Mabel clambered off Billy's back and went to the railing as the blond leaned back against it. 

"So what's the plan? Throw more cameras away?" She suggested. Dipper's eyes widened, "NO!" He rubbed his temples, "Alright, you'll be look out, Soos can work the steering wheel, Billy can start dropping the bait, and I'll be Captain." He began, and Mabel scoffed. 

"What!? Why do you get to be captain? What about Mabel huh? Mabel, Mabel, Mabel," She chanted, grinning. Dipper frowned, "I'm not sure that's a good idea..." He trailed off. Billy butted in, "What about co-captain?" He supplied unhelpfully. Dipper glared at him then looked at Mabel's hopeful face, "There's no such thing as co-captain." He said bluntly. Mabel frowned, then casually tossed a camera overboard, "Oh, whoops." 

"Okay, okay! You can be co-captain!" 

Soos raised his hand, "Can I be associate co-captain?" He asked tentatively. Mabel grinned, "As co-captain I authorize that request." Soos smiled and Billy suddenly grinned, "Then I call first mate! Its like co-captain but more awesome!" He crowed, and Dipper rolled his eyes. 

"Well as first Captain, our number one order of business is to lure the monster out with this," He said, gesturing to a barrel of fish food. Soos poked it, "Permission to taste some?" He questioned. With an incredulous but curious look, Dipper nodded, "Permission granted." 

"Permission co-granted."

"Permission first granted." 

"Permission associate co-granted." 

Soos grabbed a fistful and shoved it in his mouth, the other three watching on curiously. His eyes widened and he leaned over the side of the boat and spat it back out, making a retching noise. "Oh god, why did I think was a good idea? I don't even know what I expected that to taste like," He groaned, and Billy broke down into howling cackles, Mabel giggling while Dipper shook his head with an amused smirk. 

They all soon got back to what they had been assigned, Mabel looking for the island, Billy scooping out the fish food and tossing it over the side of the boat, and Soos steering them through the brush as they got closer to Scuttlebutt Island. Dipper flinched when he heard Mabel's voice breaking the quiet, and frowned when he saw her making a talking puppet out of a pelican. He sighed, "Aren't you supposed to be doing look out?" He scolded. 

Suddenly Billy jerked up and threw a volleyball at him with a small screech of, "Look out!" Mabel dissolved into giggles as Billy chuckled when Dipper yelped, the ball hitting him hard enough to leave a light bruise on his shoulder. He whimpered and glared as the blond laughed at him, and Mabel grinned, "Ha ha, puns! But seriously, I’m on it," She said, just as they jolted forward hard, knocking everyone off their feet. 

She popped back up with a brace-filled smile, "See, here we are! I’m a look out genius!" She whispered loudly as she hopped off the boat which had crashed into the dirt. Billy literally flipped off the railing, landing unsteadily on his feet as Dipper clambered down ungracefully from the side, flailing as he dropped down onto his face with a yelp. He quickly stood back up, dusting himself off with a blush. 

Soos handed him the lantern as Mabel pumped her fists in the air, "Hamster ball here we come!" She cheered. Dipper rolled his eyes fondly, before taking the lead down the dirt path into the foggy woods. When did all fog get here, and where did it come from? It was literally giving people sunburn not twelve feet off shore.

Then Soos started beatboxing while Mabel joined in with her own little rap as Billy jogged to catch up with Dipper. He shoved his hands in his hoodie, "So what're we looking for, Dip?"   
Hazel eyes glanced at him, "Any body of water that is big enough to hold a giant lake monster," He replied. Billy flicked his temple, "Alright there smartas- aztec." He blurted, fixing his slip quickly. Dipper snorted, "Nice save, but I don't care. You should hear what Stan says when he thinks we're not listening." 

He raised the lantern a bit higher and squinted. He huffed them jumped as he heard a loud roar echo through the trees. A hand on his shoulder made him jump with a squeak and drop the lantern. Mabel shook him, "What was that?" She hissed with wide eyes. Dipper opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off as a possum skittered forward and quickly made off with the fallen lantern. Dipper started after it but it vanished too quickly into the fog. He cried out in frustration, "Ugh! I cant see anything!" 

"I dunno dude, what if this is like a sign or something? This may not be worth it," Soos pointed out. Dipper gaped at him, "Not worth it!? Guys, imagine what would happen if we got that picture!" Everyone's eyes went a little distant, and reality seemed to waver a bit before they all snapped back into focus. 

Soos blinked, "Dudes, did we all just have the same vision of the Indiana Jones version of Dipper getting interviewed with Bill as the show's sponsor and Mabel crashing through the wall in a pink hamster ball?" They all glanced at each other. Dipper grinned. 

"IM IN!"

"Me too!"

"Right behind ya!"

All three raced off down the path and Soos scrambled after them, "Im coming dudes!" Soon the scene was the same as before, but with Billy traveling at the back now. They walked for quite a while, and Dipper listened intently for any monstrous sound. He then paused and held out an arm to stop the others, "Wait, do you hear that?" He breathed. Another roar shook the ground, sending a flock of ravens above their heads. 

Adrenaline began to leak into his veins and he grinned at Mabel, bouncing on his heels, "Yes, this is it!" They hit each other repeatedly in excitement, and Soos grabbed a big stick off the ground and warily went after them. Billy snickered darkly, blowing a piece of blond hair out of his face before shaking his head. 

Soos held them back with a gasp as a shadowed figure appeared out of the fog, and Dipper dove before the log and got out a camera with a determined expression. He look at the others, "Alright, get your cameras ready." He jolted when Billy tapped him on the shoulder. 

The blond smirked, "Better check it first, Shorts." He nodded towards the figure. Dipper blinked owlishly at him, then quickly hopped over the log and began to slink towards the water. Mabel gasped, "Bro, what're you doing!?" She whisper shouted. He crept closer, then straightened up abruptly when it came into view, "Beavers!?" He gawked. 

The rest of the group came forward and the brunette facepalmed, "But, what was that noise then?" He jumped as it came again, coming from his left. He turned to face it and he saw it was just a bunch of beavers playing with a rusty chainsaw. That...did not look safe. 

Dipper's shoulders slumped and he sighed while Soos grinned goofily. "Sweet! Beaver with a chainsaw!" He began snapping pictures, and Dipper pouted at the ground. He kicked a rock halfheartedly, "Maybe that old guy really was crazy after all," He mumbled. Mabel sighed heavily, "He _did_ use the word scrabdoodle." 

Billy hung back with his thumbs shoved in his jean pockets, watching as Soos did a photoshoot for the beavers and the twins sulked. Dipper sat down on a rock and tossed a pebble in the water, "What're we gonna say to Grunkle Stan? We ditched him over nothing," He griped, crossing his arms. 

Suddenly Billy's head snapped up, "Shorts, get away from the water," He said slowly. Dipper raised an eyebrow, "Why? Its not-" He was cut off as a rumble shook the ground and he tumbled into the murky lake. It was cold, icy pins and needles stealing his breath. A hand grabbed the back of his vest and hauled him up out of the waves. He spluttered as pushed back his wet hair as Billy scowled out towards the water. The expression looked unnatural on his usually cheerful face. 

Dipper caught sight of a large shadow moving quickly through the murky water, and his heart began to pound as a grin stretched his lips. He scrambled to his feet, pulling out a camera even as Billy tried to pull him away from the water's edge. "This is it! Guys, come on!" He clicked a photo of the shadow in the water, then turned around to see the rest of the group slowly backing away. 

He frowned, "What's the matter with you guys? It’s not that hard. You just point the camera and-" He froze as he turned around and pointed the camera at the face of a more nightmarish version of the Loch ness monster, complete with glaring, glowing white eyes and dripping fangs. Dipper's hands tightened instinctively on the camera in his grip, accidentally pushing down the button. The flash went off, and the beast seemed to take that as an offense, leaning down and roaring at them. 

They all screamed and Dipper's grip on the camera was lost as he turned and fled. Billy caught the yellow box and shoved it in his pocket as he sprinted after them. The monster climbed quickly out of the lake to follow after them on stubby taloned legs, growling and snapping at their heels as they fled. Trees collapsed alongside the group as they sprinted away from the lizard like creature, and it gave a roaring snarl and snapped at Mabel's hair. 

Dipper twisted to aim another camera at the Gobblewonker, clicking it just as he stumbled, his camera flying from his hands and getting crushed as a tree slammed onto it. The brunette skidded to a stop, about to go after it, and Mabel stopped to go after him. 

"The picture!"

"Dipper!"

Before they could get very far, an arm grabbed each of them. Billy scowled at Dipper as Soos hefted Mabel onto his back. Billy had his arm circled around Dipper's stomach and the boy dangled like a ragdoll as he ran. 

The blond shook his head, "Oh no, you are _not_ dying on my watch!" He growled. Soos gulped, "Stan would kill me." 

"I need my job thank you!" Billy threw in, giving Dipper a look. Dipper struggled meekly before stopping, "The photo," He whined defeatedly. Soos panted, "Dude, if it makes you feel any better, I got lots of pictures of those beavers!" He called. Dipper twisted in Billy's grasp to glare at the man, "Why would that make me feel better!?" 

Then they all screamed again as a tree almost fell on them, barely ducking and making it to the boat. Billy tossed Dipper unceremoniously on the boat deck as he began shoving it off as Soos started the boat. Dipper and Mabel scrambled up as he shoved the boat into reverse, each of them grabbing an arm and hefting Billy up and onto the boat as it sped away. 

The Gobblewonker let out an ear piercing shriek and dove after them, sending up waves that made lept onto shore three feet up. Billy jumped behind the wheel while Soos grabbed an armful of something and Dipper scrambled towards the front to hold on so he wasn't thrown overboard. He jumped back up, "This is it!" He raised a camera to his face and then made a disgruntled noise, "Cracked lens!?"

Dipper shook his head then turned to the handyman, "Soos, get the picture!" He yelled, but hen paused to gawk at the man, who was chucking the cameras at the monster. 

"WHAT'RE YOU DOING!?"

Soos blinked then turned around with a blank but sheepish smile. "Oh, heh, don't worry dude I got one more. Catch," He called, tossing the camera to the brunette. Dipper ducked then glared as it crashed into the corner of the control box where his head had just been. 

He stumbled as Billy grunted, swerving out of the way just in time to miss the rising body of the lake monster. The blond scowled over his shoulder, and Dipper put a hand to his head and groaned. Then his eyes widened, "Billy, the beavers!" 

The teen whipped his head back around, but it was too late to turn, and he crashed through the boat remains, scattering the poor chittering animals. The beavers were clearly upset, as some of them that had landed on the boat, began to chase Soos and try to bite his ankles. Billy kicked one in the face and sent it flying into the water as they careened back into the more populated waters. They crashed by Manly Dan, toppling him and his sons over, and Dipper winced.

Billy's gold flecked eyes widened as he faced forward once more, "Oh shi-!" 

**CRASH.**

They slammed into a panel of glass (why was that even out here?) and it shattered, raining down on them in clear little flecks of pain. Dipper yelped as a shard caught him on the shoulder, slicing his arm open and making a decent amount of blood begin to soak his ripped sleeve. Mabel gasped, "Dipper!" He waved her off, "I'm fine!" He called. 

Soos finally freed himself from the Beavers at the price of his shirt and his face contorted in horror, "Uh, dudes!" He pointed at the large cliff in front of them. Billy groaned, "Where do I go?!" Dipper bit his lip then pulled the Journal out of his vest. He frantically flipped through the pages, then stopped and tapped it, "Go into the falls!"

"ARE YOU CRAZY!?"

"JUST DO IT!"

With a disbelieving shake of his head, Billy sped up and turned for the waterfall. He cast Dipper a wary glare, "Dipper, if I die because of you I'm coming back to haunt you!" Dipper nodded with a gulp, eyes trained on the rushing water, "You have my permission." Then they crashed into the falls-

And careened into the silty shore of the other side. With simultaneous screams they were all thrown from the boat as it jerked to a halt and nosedived deep into the damp sand. Mabel was the first to pop up, having landed on Soos, and let out a victorious and relieved shout, "We're alive!"

Dipper blinked rapidly, trying to bring up a fist to rub at his eyes with only to find most of his body was trapped beneath a larger one with blond hair. Billy groaned and rubbed his head as he propped himself up. He stayed there for a moment, and Dipper cleared his throat. 

"Uh, Billy? Can you, ya know, get off me man?"

The blond blinked then quickly scrambled to his knees, briefly caging Dipper beneath him before leaping up. He coughed uncomfortably, then edged over to Mabel and Soos as Dipper stood up and brushed himself off casually. Then Soos let out a screech, "DUDES!" He yelled, pointing behind them in horror. The twins slowly turned to see the monster head straight for the falls, snapping and shrieking all the while. The group screamed and clung to each other tightly, eyes squeezing shut. 

One moment.Two.Three. No excruiating pain. No fangs ripping him open.

Dipper peeked through his lashes at the beast, and automatically nearly swooned in relief. "Guys!" Mabel opened her eyes too, then grinned, "It's stuck!" She cheered. They all let out a ragged cheer, then Dipper blinked, "Wait...it's stuck! Hah, yes!" He bolted up the nearby rock with a wide grin, fumbling for a camera. He reached the top and paled, "Oh no! No, no, no! The cam-"

"Boop."

Mabel smiled as she lifted his hat up, revealing the one perched in his curls. Dipper grinned and snatched it, taking several pictures of the monster. Mabel bounced, "Did you get a good one?" Dipper did a little twirl with a giggle, "They're all good ones!" He cried, throwing his arms around his sister giddily. 

The Gobblewonker snarled, letting out another ear piercing roar that rattled the cave around them. A few rocks fell to the ground from the cave ceiling, one landing on the monster's head. Dipper winced. But instead of bleeding or passing out, sparks flew from its skull as a loud thunk sounded, its glowing eyes dimming until they were nothing but glassy bulbs. Dipper blinked then furrowed his brow, "What the...?" He muttered as he slid back down the rock, cautiously walking over to the monster.

"Whoa dude!"

Bro!"

"Shorts, get your little butt back over here!"

Dipper ignored them all, determined to figure this out, though a little voice in his head said he didn't want to know. He walked right up to it, rapping his knuckles against its hide. Clunk. He frowned, "Metal?" He murmured, beginning to clamber up towards its back to take a better look. He felt a hand on his hip push him the rest of the way up, and he fell on his face. He glanced back with a weak smile, "Thanks Billy."

The blond looked miffed, "I can't let you go by yourself," He mumbled, climbing up after him. Dipper felt rather than saw Mabel and Soos join them as Dipper spotted what looked like a hatch. His frown deepened, "Guys, check this out," He said, walking over to it and placing his hand on the wheel. Billy lingered back at the side while Mabel and Soos went to help Dipper open the hatch, his blue eyes flashing briefly. 

The hatch creaked as they twisted the wheel, a kiss of steam rising as they hefted it open. They glanced at each other in confusion as they heard what seemed to be dying cat noises coming from inside. Dipper waved the steam away, hazel eyes widening at the sight below him. And a sight it was, considering the man below them was who had started this whole mess. 

Old Man McGucket turned to face them with a startled expression, hands poised over a panel of blinking and twittering buttons, three different monitors glowing in his face as warnings lights from the back bathed the control room in red. Dipper's heart sank, and he swallowed before glaring,"McGucket? _You're_ the lake monster!?"

The old man made another weird noise that sounded more animal than human, and looked down shamefully, "Yes." Mabel tilted her head at him, "But why?" She prodded. McGucket sighed, "I just wanted attention. Nobody pays me no mind no more, not even my own son. So I thought, 'if I can't spend time with him like this, might as well catch his fancy with a ten ton aquatic robut!" He heckled, seeming more looney than earlier. Mabel shook her head in disbelief, "Did you even talk to your son about how you felt?" She asked gently. McGucket shook his head, "No siree, I got right to work on my robot. You don't know the lengths we old fellas go through to spend a little time with our family," He grumbled sadly. 

The twins glanced each other guiltily; they did, and they'd left Stan anyway. Then McGucket snapped back and grinned crookedly, "Well, back to work on my death ray," He chirped, pulling a mask out of seemingly nowhere and sliding it on before ducking back down with a flamethrower in hand. Dipper sighed, "It wasn't even real. What're we gonna say to Grunkle Stan?"

Soos chuckled nervously, "Hey, I guess the real lake monster is you dudes," He tried, only for the rest of the group to glare at him. Dipper slid a hand down his face, "All of this was for nothing." Mabel smiled weakly, "There's still one roll of film left," She suggested, handing it to Dipper, who turned it over in his hands. "What do you wanna do with it?" He asked softly. Mabel pulled out their fishing hats, plopping them on their heads with a grin. 

 

 

[:•:]

 

 

Stan scowled at the duck taped bottom of his boat, arms crossed as his foot tapped irritably. That ankle bracelet was getting really annoying, beeping like that. His head jerked up when he heard the roar of a familiar spluttering boat pull up beside him. Two pairs of apologetic hazel and brown eyes along with the sheepish grin of a manchild met his gaze. "Hey Grunkle Stan."

The gray haired man sniffed as Dipper waved awkwardly, turning his head, "I thought you kids were out playing Spin The Bottle with Soos and Billy," He retorted, obviously angry. Billy blinked, then scoffed, "Stan, to play that game we'd need two more girls, maybe more since Mabel is the only girl in our group and Dipper is the only one the same age as her, and I doubt he wants to-" 

"O-KAAY!" Dipper and Mabel shouted simultaneously, paling respectively. Billy shut up, shooting them a wicked grin. Stan shook his head, "Weirdo." Billy flinched, but came back with his usual smile so fast it wasn't visible if you weren't paying attention. Dipper was, however, and his eyes softened briefly before he turned back to his Grunkle with a sigh. He smiled weakly, "We realized that we've spent most of the day chasing after an old monster, and we shouldn't have left you alone like that, Grunkle Stan."

Mabel grinned, "You’re the only old monster we want to hang out with!" Stan hesitated, but huffed, "I've been having tons of fun without ya! Made friends, talked to people, got chased by the lake police, and I get to wear this ankle bracelet now, so that'll be fun." The twins pouted, then took out their hats and put them on. Dipper grinned shyly, "I guess there's not room on that boat for four more?" 

Stan blinked, realizing they really did just want to spend time with him, and slowly uncrossed his arms, "You guys...ever seen me thread a hook with my eyes closed?" Dipper grinned and jumped on, "Five bucks says you can't!" Mabel pointed a finger in his face, "Five more bucks says you can't do it with your eyes closed, plus me singing at the top of my lungs!" Stan grinned, "I like those odds!"

Soos clambered on and Stan raised an eyebrow, "What happened to your shirt?" He asked warily. Soos held up a hand, "Long story dude." Stan shook his head; he didn't want to know. Dipper laughed and looked up, noticing Billy had stayed on the boat, tying the wrecked thing to the dock before hopping out and walking towards the shore, hands in his pockets and his head down. 

Dipper frowned, then turned to the rest of them, "I'll...I'll be right back. Hold on," He said, sliding out of the boat and scrambling quickly after the blond just as he stepped out onto the grass. He raised up a hand, "Hey! Wait!" He called. Billy stopped, turning around with wide eyes, "Shorts-?" He let out a grunt as Dipper accidentally smacked into him, the brunette bouncing off to stagger dizzily away with his hand to his head. He shook his head, his fishing cap lopsided now, "Hey, why'd you leave? We had room," He told him. Which was true! It had been like three inches, but still...

Billy blinked owlishly at him, then chuckled, shaking his head, "Not much, Dippy. Besides, I've gotta get those other fish back home to stuff before they die and rot. It's not fun trying to stuff something that's crumbling apart." He shrugged, flicking Dipper's lumpy hat so it was the right way again.

Dipper nodded, "Oh, okay then. I'll...see you tomorrow?" He asked uncertainly. Billy tilted his head from side to side in thought, "Maybe. I may be busy," He replied blankly. Dipper's eyes twinkled just a bit as he tilted his head at Billy when he turned to go, "Hey." The blond turned back around with a hum of acknowledgement. Dipper smiled softly, "He didn't mean it. And, if it helps, you're one of the most normal people I've met in this crazy town."

Billy stared at Dipper, those hazel eyes swirling with gentle greens, soft caramel, delicate blues, all amongst a sharp yet striking silver around his pupils. He saw nothing but compassion and awkwardness in those eyes, and he would swear later that it caused him to say what he did next. He rubbed the back of his neck, "Thanks kid. I'll see you tomorrow." Dipper grinned and turned to walk back to the dock when Billy's voice stopped him.

"Oh, Dipper?"

"Hm?"

Billy smirked, "We should hang out sometime." Dipper's eyes widened, "Really? You wanna hang out with me!?" He was barely keeping from bouncing on his toes. Billy nodded, "Sure. You're pretty cool. We could play video games or something." Dipper beamed, and Billy's stomach flipped.

"Yeah! Yeah, totally, we should, um, do that." He coughed awkwardly with a blush as he tried to tone down his excitement. He waved before rushing back to the boat, "Bye Billy! See you!" The blond smiled as he walked away, then grit his teeth as he gripped the camera in his hands. After several minutes of walking and contemplation, he finally sat in his boat with a sigh. 

"Alright, fine! I'll do it if only to get this stupid thing in my chest to shut up," He growled quietly at his net as he heaved the fish up. Though, he had to admit, hanging out with the little brunette might not be so bad.

 

[:•:]

 

Dipper flopped on his bed face first with a groan. He couldn't believe Stan caught him doing that. He was torn between burning all his BABBA CDs or playing them as loud as he could to drown out his embarrassment. He finally sighed, standing as he went to put on his clothes. He paused as he kicked something across the floor, stooping to pick it up. Dipper hummed as he saw it was the newspaper from a few days ago. He had seen that someone had won it the other day, and he wondered who the lucky person was. The brunette tossed the paper aside, pulling on clean clothes (courtesy of Mabel) before going downstairs. 

Just as the doorbell rang."Dipper! Answer the door!" Shouted Stan from the living room. Dipper huffed but went to get it anyway, grumbling all the while. He opened the door to see no one there, and miffed, turned to go back inside when something caught his eye. A glimmer of green and red shone from the welcome mat, and he squat down with a frown. His eyes widened.

"My book..." He trailed off, awed. The shiny paperback cover showed clipped black print between green and gold ivy, spelling out the title. ' **SPLINTERED** '. Dipper stared at it, a grin growing on his face. He flipped through it, seeing a little post-it note fall out. He raised an eyebrow and picked it up.

 

' _Had a good week and got some extra cash. Saw this in town, thought you would want it. This was a one time thing, don't get used to it Shorts. Very insincerely, **B**_.'

 

Dipper hugged the book to his chest with a quiet squeal, grinning as he ran back inside. Unaware of the eyes watching just out of sight, a soft smile upon their lips as blond hair disappeared back the way it came.


	5. KHDGKXQWHUV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soos makes a strange discovery, and Mabel and Billy become the best artists around. Also musicals are great :3

Dipper glared at the board in front of him, Billy staring down at it intensely, fingers steepled against his chin. A bead of sweat slid down the brunette's temple, and after a moment's hesitation he moved his piece. Billy's lips curled into a smirk and he took his piece and jumped it, making seven clacks echo through the room. 

He sat back and spread his arms wide, "King me, Shorts!" He proclaimed with a cheeky grin. Dipper groaned and let his head hit the table, "My honor has been besmirched. Besmirched!"  
"What the heck is besmooched?" Mabel asked from where she was watching Ducktective on the floor. Dipper raised his head briefly, "Besmirched, it means to damage one's pride or reputation," He grumbled, then groaned and let his head fall back on the table. 

Mabel smiled, "Then Ducktective just besmirched this police guy! This duck is a genius!" She exclaimed in awe. Dipper turned his head to look at her, eyes narrowed, "Please. It's easy to find clues when you're that close to the ground." Mabel put down her knitting and pointed a finger at her brother, "Are you saying you could outwit Ducktective?" She glared at him and tilted her head in challenge. 

Dipper sat up straighter, chess loss forgotten as he marched over to jab a finger at Mabel, "I'll have you know I have very keen powers of observation! For example, just by smelling your breath I can tell you been eating popcorn and..." He paused and raised an eyebrow, "An entire tube of toothpaste?" 

"It was so sparkly," Mabel moaned, clutching her stomach. Suddenly Soos fell into the doorway, broom in hand. He scrambled up, panting, "Hey dudes! You'll never guess what I found!" The twins raised their arms and shouted, "BURIED TREASURE!" At the top of their lungs. Billy cocked his head to the side as he flipped his Queen inbetween his fingers, "Dead body?" 

The twins looked at him strangely and he shrugged. Soos shook his head, "Nah dude, but you're close," He answered. Automatically Dipper reached for the journal as Mabel lept to her feet and shouted, "DO I NEED MY GRAPPLING HOOK!?" Billy stood as well, fists clenched. Soos blinked, but shook his head, "Just follow me." 

They did so, trailing him to a dimly lit hallway with the wallpaper chipped and peelings. Well, there were lots of peels in the wallpaper, but this one was in peculiar shape of a door. Soos turned to them dramatically, "So I was cleaning up when I found this secret door hidden behind the wallpaper. Its crazy bonkers creepy," He whispered, pushing on the wall to reveal that it was in fact a secret door, cobwebs and dust billowing out from the entryway as they pushed it open. 

The brunette boy coughed, following after Mabel and flicking on his flashlight and waving the dust out of his face. He started when he saw several pairs of eyes staring at him through the darkness, then relaxed when he saw it was merely a bunch of wax figures. He raised an eyebrow as he passed his flashlight beam over them, "Its a hidden wax museum," He mused, wandering in further. Mabel walked around rubbing their arms with awed eyes, "They're so lifelike," She said softly. 

Dipper scrunched up his nose, shining his flashlight on one with jagged edges and stains, "Except for this one," He called, shining it up at its face to see which one it was. Stan's grinning face lit back at them, "HELLO!" 

They all screamed, Mabel leaping into Billy's arms in terror. The blond looked around awkwardly, looking downright uncomfortable when she snuggled into his chest with a dreamy sigh. Billy handed her quickly off to Soos, who was now hiding behind wax Shakespeare. The old man chuckled, "Its just me, your Grunkle Stan," He assured, stepping from the flashlight beam as Soos ran off with Mabel on his back and a yell of, "It's come to life! Run, save yourselves!" 

Dipper bent double and placed a hand over his racing heart, "Oooh my God," He wheezed, pale. Billy walked forward and patted him on the back sympathetically, then looked up at Stan, "So this is it?" Stan grinned and spread his arms wide, "Yep! Behold, the Gravity Falls Wax Museum! It was one of our most popular attractions! Before I, you know, forgot about it," He said with a dismissive hand gesture. 

He started going down the line, "We got em all! Genghis Khan, Sherlock Holmes, and some kind of...goblin man? I dunno," He grumbled as he gestured vaguely at the grinning fixture of Larry King. Dipper finally got his pulse to a reasonable rate as he straightened, and he shuddered, "Anyone else getting the creeps here?" He muttered, rubbing his arm. Billy shrugged, "Its probably because you've got Lizzie Borden behind you and she has her axe right by your side." 

Dipper whirled around and was met with a stern looking woman with a bloody governess dress and an axe clutched at her side. He stumbled back with a squeak, and Billy caught him with a snort. Stan ignored them as Mabel wandered back over, going off to the corner with a smile, "And now for my personal favorite; Wax Abraham Lincon!" He proclaimed, standing proudly displaying...a brown and black puddle and an open window. 

Stan saw this and cried out in horror, "No! Oh, come on, who left the blinds open!? Wax John Wilkes Booth, I am looking in your direction!" Stan sighed and knelt down next to the puddle, grimly poking it, "How do you fix a wax figure?" He murmured. Mabel came over and began poking Stan's side. 

"Cheer up Grunkle Stan! Where's that smile?" 

"Neh." 

"Beep bop boop!" 

"Ow." 

Stan rubbed his eye where Mabel had poked it, and Dipper rolled his eyes. Mabel straightened, "Don't worry Grunkle Stan, I'll make you a new wax figure from all the old wax," She promised happily. Their Grunkle turned to face her with a raised brow, "You really think you can make one of these puppies?" His tone was incredulous, and Mabel placed her hands on her hips in indignance.

"Grunkle Stan," She began sassily, "I am an arts and crafts master. Why do you think I always have this glue gun stuck to my arm?" She asked matter-of-factly, waving it around. Dipper's brow furrowed. When had that gotten there? The old man grunted and smiled, "I like your gumption, kid," He begrudgingly. 

"I don't know what that word means, but thank you!" The rest of them left Mabel to begin her work to go get lunch. Soos ended up accidentally blowing up a hot dog in the microwave, and Billy almost burnt milk making cereal, which Dipper wasn't sure was even possible, but hey. Stan just ended up making his infamous Stancakes, and they ate those instead. Billy had dumped half the bottle of syrup on his, and Dipper snickered at him. 

The blond rolled his eyes and swallowed, "Laugh now, Dippy," He said with a smirk. Dipper scowled playfully and chuckled when Billy made a face back at him. Billy ate like a starving man, practically inhaling his food, then going for seconds. Stan watched with a disgusted sort of approval, "Where do you put all that food, kid?" He mumbled with a shake of his head. 

Billy looked up, "Honestly?" He began through a mouthful of pancake. He swallowed, "It all goes to my guns and very fine ass." Dipper choked on his drink, and Soos burst out laughing. Billy yelped as Stan whacked him upside the head. "Ow, gramps! That hurt!" 

"It was supposed to, you idiot. If I can't swear neither can you." 

Dipper bit his lip to hold in his laughter, quickly finishing his pancakes and going to check on Mabel, grabbing a soda and leaving the disastrous duo to their bickering. Dipper wandered into the room and took a sip of his soda only to spit it out in surprise when Mabel came up behind him, "DIPPER!" 

He spluttered and coughed, recovering with a wince. Mabel shoved a colorful notepad in his face, "What do you think of my wax figure idea? She's part fairy princess, and part _horse_ fairy princess!" She exclaimed excitedly. Dipper smiled weakly at the crude drawing of a female centaur wearing a pink dress with two sets of wings. 

"It's...You know, maybe you should carve something from real life," He suggested. Mabel took this and nodded and quickly sketched something else, "How about a waffle! With big arms!" She grinned and flipped it around to show a cartoonish looking waffle flexing its guns. Dipper blinked, "Y-o...kay. Or s-something else. Like-like someone in your family," He tried, honestly a little put off by the waffle. 

Mabel blew a raspberry, "What, like you? Sorry broseph, but you're not sculpture worthy," She told him. Dipper couldn't even really be offended, knowing she was right. They both jumped when someone spoke from the doorway, "I dunno, I think in the right clothes Dip could pull it off." Billy pushed off the doorway and entered with a thoughtful look. Dipper flushed pink, "I-I don't think so," He stammered. 

Billy hummed, circling Dipper a few times before pausing and tapping his chin. Dipper shrunk down on himself, nearly doubling over to get away from Billy's probing gaze, picking out imperfections and flaws. The blond kneaded his lip in between his teeth, then walked closer, grabbing Dipper's shoulders. He yanked backwards while shoving at the small of Dipper's back, "Grow five inches, why don't ya!" He boomed, and Dipper yelped as he was forced into a rod straight posture. 

Billy kicked at the insides of his calves, getting him to widen his stance a bit as he nudged the boy's chin up, "Confidence, Shorts. It does wonders," Billy explained with a grin. Dipper stared at the blond as he stepped back to examine him again, and hesitantly rolled his shoulders back and lifted his chin. Billy hummed, "Standing tall and proud, there you go!" He then tapped his chin, "I've actually got an idea. Hey Mabes, you got any left over wax?"

Mabel blushed as Billy turned to her with his signature smile, "Nope, but I think Soos accidentally melted the face off wax Albert Einstien. Its ruined, you could use it," She answered eagerly. Billy ruffled her hair and began to jog off, "Thanks Sweaters!" He called. Mabel sighed dreamily, and Dipper rolled his eyes, "Okay Picasso, stop the eye twinkling. You still haven't got an idea," Dipper pointed out. 

Suddenly Stan came in dressed in nothing but his boxers and tanktop. He propped his foot on a craft box and looked off into the distance like George Washington, "Kids, have you seen my pants?" Mabel's eyes suddenly got big and she grinned as she turned her head to the ceiling, "Oh muse, you work in mysterious ways," She said. Stan raised an eyebrow, glancing at Dipper, "Why's your sister talking to the ceiling?" He asked. Dipper shrugged. 

They left Mabel to work, and Dipper wandered off to find Billy. He ended finding the blond in the backyard taking a blowtorch to what was left of wax Albert Einstien. The teen grinned when he saw Dipper coming over, "Hey! Wanna help me tote this wax to my house? Oh, and does your twin have any gold glitter I can borrow?" He asked, straightening and wiping sweat from his brow. Dipper felt his lips quirk up, "Yeah, I'll help. And it's Mabel, what do you think?" He replied, going forward to help pour the wax into the white buckets Billy had dragged from the shed. 

Soon two buckets filled with warm gray goop sat next to them, and Billy hefted one up and ditched the blowtorch. Dipper lifted the bucket with some effort, groaning a little when they began walking. He huffed as he shifted his grip, "How far is your house? Just out of curiousity," He questioned. Billy smirked, "About ten blocks from here," He answered, and Dipper sighed. A bit of a stretch, but nothing he couldn't handle. 

About halfway there, Billy glanced at the brunette, "So when are we gonna hang out, Shorts?" He mused. Dipper whipped his head to face him, "O-oh, uh, you w-wanted to do t-that this week? Haha, I just-" Billy cut him off with a whack to the shoulder, "Quit being socially awkward, we're friends already dummy," He said with an eyeroll. 

Dipper glared for a moment, then sighed with a tiny smile, "Then I don't know. Whenever you want, I guess. You said we could have movie night or something, right? Your call man," He replied with a shrug. Billy tipped his head back in forth with a hum, "We could do it tomorrow," He said thoughtfully. Dipper nodded, "I'm not doing anything. Tomorrow's good." 

Billy grinned, "Alright, it's settled then! Movie night tomorrow," He chirped happily. Dipper couldn't help but smile in return; Billy's joy was infectious. They arrived a bit after that at a narrow gravel road that branched off into the woods a little ways from the lake. Billy turned down it, whistling a little smooth jazz song that sounded vaguely familiar as Dipper lugged his bucket after him. It seemed to be getting heavier, and Dipper noticed the wax was drying. 

"You're going to have to reheat these," He huffed. Billy shrugged, "I have a big enough stove, it's not a problem." He shifted his bucket with hum and dug around in his pocket for his keys as they rounded the corner. Dipper's eyes widened at the sight before him. An old squat house with water-bowed boards the color of faded muddy jeans sat in front of them, falling apart at the seams slowly but surely. The grass was a bit long, and it poked through the gravel in bushels. 

A beat up little ford truck with chipped black finish and rusted corners sat parked on the right side of the yard. "You have a car and we walked all the way over here!?" Dipper blurted, that not being what he wanted to say. He immediately turned red in embarrassment, but Billy just laughed. 

"Yeah, the truck's my dad's. Ol' reliable isn't so reliable in her senior days however," He explained as he walked up to the faded burgundy door, wiggling his key into the door and twisting. The door opened and he went inside, Dipper following. No lights were on, and Billy ducked into the nearest doorway and a click sounded. Soft yellow light spilled onto the hardwood floor, the lamp showing bits of the hallway and what looked like the living room. 

Contrary to the outside of the house, the inside was quite homey and well taken care of. The wooden floors were clean and though dust layered most everything, it wasn't thick, and the walls looked freshly repainted in a pretty forest green color. A good sized TV sat on top of bookshelf topple on its side, CDs and even a few records filling the sideways spaces. The floor of the living room was a worn beige carpet, and a little coffee table sat in front of a torn up black velvet couch.

"Yo Shorts! This way!" 

Dipper shook his head and continued down the hall to another, more brightly lit room. He entered and saw is was the kitchen, and that Billy was already dumping his bucket into a large metal vat on the stove. It was a gas stove, and a quiet high pitched noise emanated from the flames beneath the grate. Dipper raised an eyebrow, and Billy smiled, "I'm a taxidermist, don't ask." 

He took the bucket from Dipper and poured its contents into the vat as well. Dipper looked around at the kitchen, its white walls seeming out of place, the black and white checkered tiles behind the stove and sink gleaming oddly. The counter was liner-covered cork, a black and navy speckled gray print on the liner, which was peeling near the sink. 

Billy noticed his gaze and pursed his lips, "Yeah, the white's a bit off putting. I aquired a few paint cans from McGucket a month ago, but I haven't gotten around to the kitchen. I can't decide on a color, but anything is better than that horrid wallpaper," He said with shudder. Dipper frowned, "And your dad's doesn't care if you just repaint everything?" He asked incredulously. 

Billy grinned, "Nope, cause-" He immediately shut up as if he was about to say something he wasn't supposed to. Dipper noticed and his brow furrowed. He looked up, "Billy, where is your dad?" The blond froze for a moment, then averted his eyes to the vat, "At work," He replied tightly. Dipper narrowed his eyes, "Why are there no pictures of him around the house?" 

Billy's eyes flashed when he looked up, "He doesn't like pictures," He spit out through grit teeth. The brunette glared right back. 

"Why is there only one bedroom, Billy?" 

"I sleep on the couch." 

"On the couch?" 

"Yes." 

"That doesn't make any sense!" 

"Don't shout at me! You have no reason to, Shorts!" 

"Then stop lying to me!" 

Dipper fisted his hands and took a deep breath, "If we're friends, then you can tell me anything. I'm not going to deliberately hurt you," He said slowly. Billy stayed bowed up for a few more seconds, then his shoulders slumped. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

He gestured around at the little house, "Everyone in town thinks I'm the son of an extremely introverted taxidermist. You want the truth? I haven't seen my father in a very, very long time, and I don't intend to see him ever again. I live by myself and make enough to get by on sweets, ramen noodles, and off brand Sprite." 

Billy locked eyes with him and widened them pleadingly, "Please don't tell Stan I make everything, he'd quit ordering my stuff and I need the money! If he found out I was making it instead of my dad, he'd think I'm just another selfish teenager, and I can't do that," He exclaimed in rising panic. Dipper held up his hands in surrender, "Whoa, calm down! I won't tell him if you don't want me to. However, I think that if he knew he wouldn't stop buying from you; in fact, he'd probably pay you more. Stan may look tough and mean, but he's a big softie at heart." 

Dipper then raised a finger to point at him, "But! Don't lie to me. I can't...look, everyone knows I've already got pretty messed up trust issues, okay? So if this is gonna work, you need to tell me the truth," He stated firmly. Billy sighed and smiled sheepishly, "That I can do, Dipper. That I can do."

 

[:•:]

 

Dipper and Billy arrived back at the shack just as Mabel was finishing up her scuplture. The brunette joined her in admiring her work, Soos beside them as Billy made off with a few tubs of glitter and paint. Mabel hummed, "It needs more glitter," She mused. 

Soos handed her a tub of bright pink glitter, and she threw the whole thing onto the statue. Billy had stolen the black, gold, brown, and red glitter, so Mabel was slightly disappointed she couldn't color code the statue. 

Stan came back into the room in his suit, frowing at his socks, "So I found my pants but now I can't find my- AH!" He shrieked and stumbled backwards as he caught sight of the statue, eyes wild, panting slightly. Mabel rushed over with an anxious look, "So? What do you think?" She asked. Stan paused, "I think...the wax museum is back in business!" He exclaimed excitedly, and Mabel grinned. 

Stan stood up just as Billy came back in, "Alright, all of you help me set up." Billy turned on heel and was about to walk back out when Stan called for him. "Not so fast Blondie! You're part of the team too," He said sternly. Billy groaned, but when he turned around he was smiling. 

The sparkly version of Stan was moved out onto the porch along with all the other wax figures, though wax Stan was covered with a sheet for the element of mystery. 

Billy hefted the last statue out onto the platform and then went off with an order from Stan and a wad of bills. Soos went around and put flyers up all over town, and Stan told Dipper and Wendy (who had shown up at some point during setup) to man the admission table. When they protested, he threw five bucks at both of them and told them to shut up.

Ten minutes later Soos was directing traffic with corndogs, and Wendy and Dipper were taking money from the townsfolk. It seemed as though most of them had showed up, and Dipper was slightly impressed. 

"I can't believe this many people showed up to see the reopening," He admitted, giving a lady her change. Wendy smirked, "I know, right? Your Uncle probably bribed them or something."

Dipper held up his money, "He bribed us," He pointed out, and he and Wendy fist bumped. Dipper smiled goofily at her, blushing a bit before returning to the task at hand and watching the event take place. Stan stepped up to the podium, clearing his throat and making the microphone screech. Everyone cringed.

"You all know me folks! Town darling, Mr. Mystery! Please, ladies, control yourselves." Dipper glanced at the crowd and saw every female give Stan an unamused expression. The old man coughed and continued, "As you know, I bring the people of this fair town novelties and befuddlements, the likes of which the world has never known! But enough about me."

Dipper snorted, and Stan turned to where Mabel was standing with her hand on the sheet. Stan gestured to it dramatically, "Behold, me!" Mabel yanked the sheet off and the grinning glittering Stan was exposed to the crowd. Soos, who had reappeared off to the side with his keyboard, pressed the fanfare button, then one on the end repeatedly. A deep male voice blasted from the keyboard, "Yeah! Ye-ye-ye-yeah!" Dipper cringed.

A couple people clapped, one coughed, and crickets chirped. Wendy winced, "Dude..." She mumbled, secondhand embarrassment making her avert her eyes. Stan wasn't fazed by lack of response however, "And now for a word by our own Mabelangelo!" 

That was actually pretty clever. Dipper would have to remember that nickname. Mabel stepped forward with a grin, "Thank you for coming! I made this sculpture with my own two hands! It is covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids!" What _happened_ while he was at Billy's house!? Speaking of which, where was Billy? He'd been gone for almost twenty minutes.

Mabel giggled sheepishly, "Yeah. Anyway, I will now take questions. You there," She called, pointing to McGucket. He stood up and cleared his throat, "Old Man McGucket, local kook. Are the wax figures alive, and follow up question; can I survive the waxmen uprising?" He asked quite seriously. Dipper blinked owlishly at him, and so did Mabel. She shook it off first, "Sure! Next question!" She called.

A man with a large nose and a downturned mouth with a wispy mustache adjusted his crinkled looking notebook and raised a small microphone...wait, no. What was that? 

"Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper. Do you really think this consistutes as a wonder of the world?"

"Your microphone's a turkey baster, Toby," Stan said harshly once he saw Mabel's face fall. Toby looked at his baster in surprise, "It certainly is." Stan pointed to the next person, "Next question," He gruffed. A curvy dark skinned woman stood with a bored look and an annoyed glance at Toby, "Shondra Jimenez, a _real_ reporter. Your flyer promised free pizza with admission to this event, is this true?"

Stan looked around, then paled once he didn't find what he was looking for. People began shouting sentiments.

"That's what I heard!"

"Where's my pizza?"

"What a ripoff!"

"I want pizza!"

Stan smiled polietly, "That was typo. Goodnight everyone!" He shouted, then flung down a smoke bomb and ran off with more speed than someone of his age should be capable of, snatching the admission box and locking himself inside the shack. Wendy and Dipper exchanged wary glances as the crowd broke out into protests, getting up and angerily stalking off the premises. Wendy flinched as her dad screamed and punched one of the banner poles in half, "Oh man, I gotta go. See you later Dipper," She said, getting up and jogging after her father.

Mabel came by the table with a smile on her face, "I think that went well," She said, sighing contentedly. Dipper rolled his eyes and stood, "Come on, we better start cleaning up." Mabel nodded and they went to start stacking up chairs when suddenly Billy came running up, panting with a stack of flat boxes under his arm. The blond bent double and raised a hand, "I'm here! I'm...I'm outta shape," He gasped out. 

Dipper's eyes widened and he scrambled over to Billy, who thrust the boxes into his hands as soon as he was close enough. Billy finally straightened as Dipper staggered under the weight of the boxes, grunting. The teen chuckled weakly and looked around, "Whoa, what happened?" He frowned at the disarray of the place. 

Dipper stumbled over to the admission table and thunked the pizzas down on it, taking a deep breath. He was about to answer, when caught sight of Billy's face. He rushed back over, "What happened to _you_!?" He demanded, brow furrowed with worry as he took in the blond's bleeding lip and large bruise blossoming across his cheek. 

Billy waved the worried hands away, "Eh, nothing much. Just got into a fight with Rico at the pizza place. Told me I have to pay double if I want my order done quickly. Hmph." He crossed his arms and raised his head haughtily. Dipper bit his lip, letting his fidgeting hands fall to his sides, "How big was he that you lost?"

Billy recoiled as if hit, "Lost? Excuse you, the amazing Billy does not lose! He may have got a few good hits in, but he's the one who got a concussion and got fired," He boasted proudly. Dipper blew out a breath and rolled his eyes with a tiny smile, "Well then, the amazing Billy can help us clean up this mess. Turns out the townspeople didn't appreciate getting cheated out of free pizza."

The teen paled and looked around again, "Shi- This is my fault?" He asked with a wince. Dipper nudged him, "Nah, Stan panicked and instead of telling them to wait, just bolted with the money," He explained as he began picking up the banner and rolling it up. Billy smiled, relieved, "Okay then. I'll help," He agreed, going to help Soos put the wax figures back. 

Then Mabel began humming a very familiar song as she cleaned, and Dipper grinned. He started to sing to her hums.

" _Keep drinking coffee,  
Stare me down across the table,  
While I look outside.  
So many things that I would say  
If only I were able,  
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by._"

Mabel jerked her head up with a smile and joined in.

" **You've got opinions man!  
Were all entitled to em,  
But I never asked.  
So let me thank you for your time,  
And try not to waste  
Anymore of mine and,  
Get outta here, fast.**"

They both jumped when Billy came sliding out of the shack like Elvis with a grin and burst in with the next line.

"I hate to break it to ya babe,  
But I'm not drowning.  
There's no one here to save!"

They all three paused and looked at each other for a moment. Then they all grinned when Soos started playing the instrumentals on his keyboard and all three began the chorus.

" _ **Who cares if ya disagree?  
You are not me,  
Who made you King of Anything?  
So you dare tell me who to be?  
Who died and made you King of Anything?**_"

They all laughed and Mabel suddenly grabbed Dipper and spun him to the music, both of then squealing before twirling and stacking chairs to the rhythm. Billy jumped on top of one and started the next verse.

"You sound so innocent;  
All full of good intent  
You swear you know best.  
But you expect me to,  
Just jump on board with you  
And ride off into your  
Delusional sunset."

" **I’m not the one who's lost  
With no directional,  
But you'll never see.  
So busy making making maps  
With my name in all caps.  
You’ve got the talking down,  
Just not the listening.**"

" _ **And who cares if ya disagree?  
You are not me,  
Who made you King of Anything?  
So you dare tell me who to be?  
Who died and made you   
King of Anything?**_"

" _All my life I’ve tried,  
To make everybody happy while I  
Just hurt and hide,  
Waiting for someone to tell me,  
It’s my turn to decide!_"

" _ **So who cares if ya disagree?  
You are not me,  
Who made you King of Anything?  
So you dare tell me who to be?  
Who died and made you   
King of Anything?  
Who cares if ya disagree?  
You are not me,  
Who made you King of Anything?  
So you dare tell me who to be?  
Who died and made you   
King of Anything?**_"

"Let me hold your crown babe!"

Billy finished the last line by dropping to knees on the porch dramatically. They all burst into laughter, and Soos grinned goofily, "Dudes, did you guys practice that? That was awesome!" They all shook their heads, glancing at each other.

Billy shrugged, "It's an old song, one of my favorites. I dunno how they knew it, I just joined in," He admitted. Dipper chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck, "It was one of the first songs we heard as kids, its kinda been our song ever since." Mabel butted in, "That, and that song by Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato! Anybody remember what that one was called?" She asked thoughtfully. 

Dipper frowned, "Actually, no. Just that one," He mumbled grumpily. A voice from inside made them jump, "And I got it all on video! I can sell this!" Dipper and Mabel shared a look of horror and raced into the shack with identical cries of, "Grunkle Stan no!" Billy looked to Soos, who shrugged. The blond teen shook his head with a laugh and went into the house to help the twins.

 

[:•:]

 

Dipper and Mabel stood in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing their teeth. Mabel hummed as she brushed, then her eyes widened and she yanked out her toothbrush and spat into the tub. "One and the same! That’s the name of that song!" Dipper choked briefly, but quickly rinsed his mouth out and spit, setting his toothbrush aside. 

"Oh yeah, I remember now."

"AAAAHHH!!!"

They twins started in alarm at their Grunkle's voice, and both ditched their brushes to rush down the stairs. Dipper got there first and skidded to a stop in his socks at the doorway, "What, what is it!?" He demanded. Stan shuddered from where was standing rigidly before the armchair, "Wax Stan... He's been m-m-murdered!" He cried in despair.

Mabel gasped and fell to her knees beside the wax figure, her hands fluttering uselessly over the roughly chopped neck which had just recently held wax Stan's head. She made a strangled sound, "My expert handcrafting, besmirched. Besmirched!" She wailed, leaning into Dipper tiredly.

Stan called the cops, and around dawn Deputy Durland and Sheriff Blubbs were taking pictures of the scene and sticking police tape up randomly all over the living room. Dipper held his sister protectively as they did so, "Who would do something like this?" He asked, angry. Blubbs and Durland looked at one another, then nodded, "We don't know, but we do know one thing. This case is unsolvable." 

Dipper gaped at them as they began packing up their things, "Wait a minute! There must be something! Fingerprints, clues! I can help if you want," He tried. Stan rubbed his forearm absentmindedly, "Yeah, let the boy help. He's got a little brain up in his head, ya know?"

The two cops smirked and leaned down to look at Dipper demeaningly, "Oh I see, city boy's gonna solve a murder mystery," Blubbs mocked, "Aren't you adorable." Dipper flushed an indignant shade of red, clenching his fists, and opened his mouth to argue when Durland cut him off by ringing a cowbell. 

"City boy, city boy!" He tsked. Dipper wanted to hit him with his own bell right between the eyes. Blubbs sniffed, "Leave the investigations to the grown-ups. Professionals, you know?" Suddenly his radio crackled with static, "Attention all units, attention. Steve is going to attempt to put an entire cantaloupe in his mouth. I repeat, an entire cantaloupe."

The couple grinned at each other, and Blubbs put the radio away, "We got a 27-19! Let’s go Durland!" He exclaimed, and they fled the shack and rode away in their squad car, whooping excitedly. Dipper scowled after them, huffing and crossing his arms with an irate pout. Mabel came up behind him with an anxious expression, "What now?" She whispered. 

Dipper's expression became determined, "Don't worry Mabel, I'm gonna do everything in my power to find wax Stan's killer." Then he glared at the road again, "Then we'll see who's adorable." He snapped with sniff, fists clenching as he stomped his foot for emphasis. It sent a cloud of dust up and he sneezed.

Mabel made a sound between a squeal and a choke and slapped her hands to her cheeks, "Aw! You sneeze like a kitten!" Dipper scowled again, trying to override the blush on his cheeks. 

Suddenly someone picked Dipper up and tossed him into the air, causing him to let out a high pitched squeak, catching him with a familiar cackle as they set him back down. Dipper immediately turned and elbowed Billy hard in the side, "That was not funny, man!" The blond snorted, "On the contrary, it was hilarious. And so worth the bruise you probably just put on my liver," He added in a mumble with grimace and a prod at his abdomen. 

Dipper rolled his eyes, and the teen shook his head, "Anyway, I came by to give Mabel back her glitter containers. I finished it up last night, and I’m excited for you to see it." Mabel choked back a wail and fled up the stairs. Dipper sighed and facepalmed, Billy blinking in confusion, "Did I do something, or...?" The brunette shook his head scrubbed a hand over his face with a sigh.

"Last night someone beheaded wax Stan, and Mabel's pretty messed up about it. She'll be fine in an hour or two, but until then, she'll feel his loss hard," He explained tiredly. Billy's eyes widened, then he nodded slowly, "Alright then... So do we know who did it?" He asked curiously, just putting the containers down on the porch. The boy shook his head, "The cops won't even give it a chance. They said it was unsolvable. They were entirely too rude, and completely dismissive of Mabel's feelings." He crossed his arms again and puffed out his cheeks angrily. 

Billy raised an eyebrow and smirked vaguely, "I get the feeling that’s not what you're mad about, Shorts," He mused, grinning. Dipper glanced at him, then scowled at the ground, "They called me adorable." Billy gasped, holding a hand theatrically to his chest as if shot.

"Oh dear lord have mercy on their souls! They have invoked the full fiery fury of Dipper Pines! Adorability and cuteness are to never be mentioned and thoust should quake in his very presence!"

Dipper stared at him, then snickered and shoved him, "Dork," He snorted. Billy hummed, "Dippy," He retorted slyly. Dipper glared at him, but it held no malice.

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"You wish, Rephic."

They both laughed and Billy quickly stopped, eyes widening as he realized something. He let out a hiss and frowned, "Does this mean we have to raincheck movie night?" Dipper hummed, "Probably. But we can reschedule, it’s not like I have a very vast and busy social life," He pointed out. 

The brunette blew out a breath, "But it'll probably have to be after all this is settled. I don’t feel right leaving Mabel alone just yet." Billy nodded and stretched an arm over his head, "Alrighty! When do we start?" He asked. Dipper whipped his head to stare at him, and the elder smirked once more with a wink, "What, you think I'm letting you have all the fun? Nuh uh, I'm helping ya, Hazel."

Dipper's brow furrowed, "Hazel?" He questioned incredulously. Billy shrugged with a sigh, "Still working on the nickname thing. I'll find one that works for you one of these days," He promised with a roll of his shoulders as he marched past Dipper into the shack to look at the crime scene. The brunette shook his head with a small smile, following after his friend as Mabel came back downstairs. 

She was dressed, which led Dipper to realize he was still only dressed in his t-shirt and boxers. He yelped and scrambled up the stairs. A few minutes later he was fully dressed and pacing across the carpet, tapping his chin. 

"There were a lot of unhappy customers at that unveiling; it could've been anyone."

Mabel's eyes widened, "Gasp! Even us!" She exclaimed, seemingly back to her old self. Dipper took out a dry erase marker and uncapped it, "In this town, anything is possible. Ghosts, zombies, fae- it could be months before we find out first clue," He murmured.

"Hey look! A clue!" Billy observed, head ducked over the armchair. Dipper hurried over and his eyes widened, "Footprints in the shag carpet. And look, one of them has a hole in it," He noted, taking out his notepad and beginning to scribble down something. Billy grinned, "Score one for Billy! Zero to none for Nancy Drew and crew!" He shut up with a giggle when Dipper shot him a glare. 

Mabel crawled around to follow the footprints, "And they lead to...this!" She said, popping back up with dull bladed axe. Dipper hummed, tapping his temple with the marker's plastic end, "Let’s go ask Soos what he thinks. He knows about tools and stuff, right?" He suggested, standing and taking the axe from Mabel. 

They found Soos in the gift shop, and asked him his opinion. The handyman hummed and Billy hopped up to sit on the counter. Soos nodded firmly, "In my opinion, this is an axe." Billy scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Well nah shit," He said sarcastically. Dipper held up a hand and waved it at him, "Wait, Soos may be on to something."

Mabel gasped, "The lumberjack! He was furious when he didn't get that free pizza!" Billy raised an eyebrow, "Furious enough for _murder_?" He shook his head, "Both of you have serious trust issues." Soos continued on his path of ignoring Billy completely, and nodded at the twins.

"You mean Manly Dan. He hangs out at this crazy intense biker joint downtown. Yo B-dawg, don't you go there sometimes?" He asked, finally acknowledging the blond's presence. Billy shrugged, "Eh, I haven't gone lately, but yeah, I've got a membership," He affirmed. Dipper and Mabel nodded to each other, "If he's there, then that's where we're going. Billy, can you get us in?" Dipper asked. 

The blond hopped down off the counter, holding his hands up, "Whoa, hold up. Let me get this straight; you want me to sneak you into a bar so you can interrogate a probably mentally unstable man about the murder of somebody?" The twins glanced at each other, then shrugged. 

"Well yeah." 

"I don't see why not." 

"It could be fun!" 

Billy stared at them with narrow eyes for a moment, then his lips slowly curled into a smirk, "I'm in." The two brunettes grinned and Soos chuckled. 

"Dudes, this is awesome. You three are like, the Mystery Trio or something!"

Dipper deadpanned, "Don't call us that." Billy hummed, "Yeah, we could come up with a better title," He mused. Dipper rolled his eyes, "No." Billy swept his arms to the side, "The Great Gravity Fallers!Billy's Two Musketeers! Mystery Twins and Co., if we wanna add Soos! We could be the BDSM! Wait..." He trailed off with a furrowed brow. Dipper groaned, "Stop. No." 

Billy laughed and the three of them left the shack. Just as they stepped off the porch, Stan hopped out of his car and popped the trunk, pulling out a rather large coffin. Stan caught sight of them and waved to make them stop, "Hey, give me a hand with this coffin, will ya? I'm doing a memorial service for wax Stan. Something small but, classy." His voice broke a bit at the end, and he thunked the coffin down onto the grass. 

Dipper shifted his backpack on his shoulders, "Sorry Grunkle Stan, but we've got a big break in the case," He explained, Mabel echoing him cheerfully. Billy put his thumbs in his jean pockets, "We're going into town to interrogate a suspect." Mabel then yanked the axe out of Dipper's bag, "We have an axe! Reet, reet!" She chirped.

Stan tapped his chin, "Hm, this seems like something a responsible parent wouldn't want you doing." The twins tensed up, but then he winked, "Good thing I'm an Uncle!" He propped a foot up on the coffin and shook his fist at the sky, "Avenge me kids! Avenge me!" He shouted valiantly. The twins laughed and nodded with determined expressions ran off towards town.

Billy made to follow them, but was stopped by a hand on his arm. He looked back at Stan, whose light expression had change into something more serious. The old man nodded at the twins, "Keep an eye on them, alright? Keep them safe," He muttered. Billy's eyes widened, but then he smiled and nodded. Stan patted his back and began lugging the coffin into the house again as Billy ran to catch up with the twins.

Billy led them through town and stopped just around the corner from the bar. Dipper raised an eyebrow at the glowing neon sign that had breaking bottles and a skull on it. 'SKULL FRACTURE' the sign read. Dipper sighed; somehow this end badly. 

Billy turned to them and blew out a breath, "Okay, so in order to get you in and out more or less unscathed, your gonna have to act like you both are Princes of Persia so to speak." He pointed at Dipper, "Shorts, stand up straight, act like you have a right to be here. Melons," He turned to Mabel with a glance at her sweater, "Tone down the chipper, alright? People in here would sooner break your nose than talk to you."

Both the twins nodded gravely, and the blond straightened with a sigh, dusting off his hoodie before turning and walking leisurely to the door where the bouncer was standing. He was bald with coffee colored skin, piercing glinting threateningly in the sunlight. He had tattoos scattered everywhere, including ones on his face that basically just labeled his features. Head, chin, jaw, the like.

He was looking at someone's ID, frowning. He handed it back with a set brow, "Sorry, we don't serve miners," He told the squat man in a miner suit with a hard hat. He could've been McGucket's brother. He spit, "Dang nabbit," He grumbled, then waddled off. The bouncer then caught sight of Billy and grinned. 

"Oi Caesar, where you been?" He boomed, and Billy grinned before clasping the bouncer hand in one of those complex handshakes that Dipper could never figure out how everybody else knew how to do but himself. They ended with a fist bump and Billy chuckled, "Out and about. How've ya been, Brutus?" He inquired, standing back and shoving his hands in his hoodie pocket. 

Brutus shrugged, "Good as we get, I s'pose." He looked past Billy and jerked his head at the twins, "Who's this?" He gruffed. Billy glanced back at them boredly, "They're with me. Just moved into town a couple weeks ago, I'm givin' em the tour," He replied with a wink. Brutus looked apprehensive, "You babysittin'?" Dipper bristled and stood up straighter with a glare. 

Billy shook his head, "Nah, they're friends of mine. They may be young, but they're chill." Brutus sniffed, then opened the door with a small smile, "Any friend of Caesar's is a friend of mine," He said, letting them in. They went in and the door shut behind them, Billy quickly pulling Dipper out of the way as a bottle smashed into the space where his head had been moments before. 

Dipper's face paled and he blew out breath, "Thanks." He glanced at the teen, "Why'd he call you Caesar?" He asked curiously. Billy smirked, "It's an inside joke." Dipper narrowed his eyes, but let it drop.

They ventured deeper into the bar, which was swamped with drunken yells, the air clogged with scent of sweat, blood, and smoke. Mabel stepped over a man's legs on the floor and paused, then shook her head with a smile, "He's resting." 

Dipper glanced at the body and cleared his throat, getting Mabel's attention, "Let’s just...try to blend in," He suggested. Billy nodded, "That'd probably be best," He murmured, ducking his head. Mabel pointed finger guns at him with a wink, "You got it Dippingsauce!" She agreed, walking off. Billy nodded, "Alright, Daniel's usually over-"

"Hey Billy!" The blond flinched and turned slowly to face the men waving at him from the bar. They grinned, "Come sing SoMo O.N. for us! Just once!" They called. Billy swore under his breath, "Now I remember why I stopped coming," He muttered, then shot them a smile, "Not today boys! I'm here on business," He called back, setting a hand on Dipper's head.

They glanced at the brunette, then sneered just a bit. They raised their glasses, "Maybe next time then!" Billy grinned and saluted them before leading Dipper away with a shake of his head and a sigh. Dipper raised an eyebrow at him, "What was that about?" He prodded. Billy ran and hand through his hair, "I am a karaoke master, and it unfortunately comes with a price. I sang a few songs here once, and they got hook on one and now they want me to sing it everytime I come in here. It’s always one more, one more, one more, but it never ends," He said gravely. 

Dipper rolled his eyes, "What's the song?" He asked. "Hey, look, there's Dan!" Billy blurted suddenly, cheeks a bit pink. Dipper blew out an annoyed breath, but focused on the task at hand and approached the large red haired lumberjack arm wrestling an angry looking machine. Dipper cleared his throat and got the man's attention, "Manly Dan, just the person I wanted to see," He began, crossing his arms with a stern expression. 

The red bearded lumberjack snuffed at him, narrowing his somewhat familiar looking green eyes. Billy leaned against the wall beside the machine and crossed his arms, "Careful, Shorts," He murmured. Dipper glanced at him them took a cautious step forwards, "I'm gonna need to ask you a couple of questions. Where were you last night?" He inquired. 

Dan grunted, "Punching the clock," He huffed out. Dipper hummed, "So you were at work?" Manly Dan growled and shook his head, "No, I was punching that clock!" He snapped and pointed at the clock outside. Dipper turned and saw a large fist shaped dent in the old timey clock outside. He sucked in a breath, "Ten o' clock. The time of the murder..." He mumbled. He shook himself off and took out the axe, "Then I suppose you've never seen _this_ before?"

Daniel rolled his eyes, "Listen little girl!" He barked, and Dipper started indignantly while Billy covered his mouth with his hand, shoulders shaking with laughter. Dipper held up a finger, "Actually, I'm-" Dan cut him off, jabbing his finger at him, "I wouldn't pick my teeth with that axe, it's left-handed! I only use my right hand; THE MANLY HAND!" He roared and ripped the arm off the arm wrestling machine with a loud bellow. 

Tyler Cutebiker came out of nowhere as he proceeded to beat the machine's face in with its own arm, "Git em! Git em!" He chanted cheerfully. Billy quickly tugged Dipper further away from the scene, but Dipper could've sworn he saw Daniel wink at Tyler, and the man's cheeks turn redder than the lumberjack's beard. Dipper glanced at Billy, "Are they, like...?" He trailed off unsurely. The blond shot him a smirk, "Dating not-so-discreetly behind everybody's backs? Why yes, Ms. Dipper, very keen observation skills," He snickered. 

Dipper scowled, "I will throw you," He threatened. Billy snorted and they went to get Mabel. "Oh! Your wife is gonna be beautiful," She told the burly man covered in tattoos before her. She put her cootie-catcher away as Dipper came up, "Mabel, we've got a big break in the case. Let's go," He urged, walking off to catch up with Billy. Mabel hopped down, and the biker called after her with a wail of, "But will she love me!?" 

Mabel met them outside and as Billy caught up with Brutus, Dipper filled her in on what they'd found out. She gasped, "Dan and Tyler are dating!?" Dipper sighed, putting the axe back into his bag, "You are conveniently missing the actual point," He groaned. Mabel blew a raspberry at him, "Left-handed axe, I got it!" She answered indignantly. Dipper nodded, flipping through his notepad to the list of people who had attended the unveiling.

He gave it to her, "These are our suspects. We just have to figure out which one is left-handed and we've got our killer," He said with a smile. Mabel grinned, "Man, we are on _fire_ today! Pazow, pazow, pazow!" She shouted, doing the finger guns again. Dipper put the axe and notepad away just as Billy came back over. 

The blond scrubbed at his face, "Okay, I've managed to elude karaoke night for now," He said as he rejoined them. Dipper perked up, "That reminds me!" He then darted back over to the bouncer, Billy and Mabel watching curiously and trying to make out what he was saying. Dipper looked up at the man, craning his neck, "Billy sang karaoke here, right? Can you tell me what song he sang? He won't say," He explained quickly. Brutus glanced at Billy and smirked. 

"When he first did it he was a little drunk, but I got the whole thing on video. I put it on Youtube. Here," He said, taking out a piece of paper and writing something down before giving it to Dipper, "That's my channel. Give it a like." He winked with a deep chuckle, and Dipper shoved the paper in his pocket with a glance before thanking him and running back off. **BigBubbaBrutus13**. Dipper smiled just a bit and slowed as he caught up with the other two.

Billy looked at his pocket curiously, "What was that about?" He asked. Dipper hid a smirk and feigned a dreamy sigh, "I am madly in love with the bouncer and he has just given the date and time of our wedding!" He proclaimed dramatically, clutching his chest and reaching for the sky. Billy snorted, "Liar. Brutus has kids." Dipper grinned cheekily, "You started it."

"Touché, my friend. Touché."

Mabel looked at them oddly, but then she saw one of the patrons from the reopening and paused. She dug around in her pocket, fishing out a rainbow colored button, "Heads up!" She tossed it to him, and he caught it. Dipper brought out his notepad and put a check in the right-handed box. The man looked from Mabel to the button in confusion, but she just grinned, "Happy birthday!" She shouted. 

He broke out into a wide smile, "And I thought nobody remembered!" He exclaimed as he walked off with a happy whistle. Billy raised an eyebrow, "Do you know him?" He asked, a bit bewildered. Mabel giggled happily, "Nope! Now let’s go find our killer!"

 

[:•:]

 

Billy whistled at a woman across the street, and threw his baseball at her as hard as he could. She caught it with a blank expression and crushed it. Right-handed. Dipper sighed and crossed her name out. Then his eyes widened and he gasped, "Guys, there's only one more person left on the list!" Mabel looked over and gasped, "Of course! It all makes sense!" She exclaimed excitedly. Billy took the notepad and narrowed his eyes at the name, "It _would_ be him," He muttered with a disgusted eyeroll.

Dipper began scribbling on a fresh page furiously, tongue sticking out in concentration with his brow furrowed. His eyes widened and he tapped his pen on the notepad rapidly, "We've got to get to the police station! C'mon!" He turned and ran off, the other two following close behind him. They burst into the police station, the old man snoozing behind the counter jerking up. He spluttered and leaned forward, "H-h-how can I help you folks?" He stammered sleepily, slurring his S's in a thick southern drawl. 

Dipper stood on his tiptoes to see over the counter with his most serious expression, "We need to talk to Sheriff Blubbs and Deputy Durland, immediately," He rushed out. The man, Eric his nametag read, yawned and shook his head, "They're out at Greasy's for lunch," He murmured. Dipper groaned in frustration, "This can't wait, there's a murderer on the loose!" He exclaimed urgently. 

Eric blinked slowly at them, then sighed and picked up the phone, "Howdy Sheriff. Yeah. Somethin' about a murderer. A group of kids, one says he knows who the killer is. Yep. Alrighty then, have a good time." He hung up and turned to Dipper, "They said they'd be here as soon as they could mosey on, and they'd try to break the speed limit. Happy?" He gruffed, leaning back in his chair once more. Dipper blinked, then hesitated, "Not really, because, road safety isn't something to trifle with, since you know, you could _die_ , but whatever."

Eric gave him an unimpressed look, then in five seconds was snoring again. Dipper sighed, then jumped with a yelp as a crash sounded outside along with shrieking highpitched sirens. Durland had run into a lamppost. Great.

The two jumped out of the car and walked inside, rolling their eyes when they saw Dipper. Blubbs put his hands on his hips, "Well if it ain't cute little city boy," He jeered.

Dipper bared his teeth at the cops as his hands curled into fists. Billy put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head, "They're not worth it," He murmured. Dipper glanced at him, then relaxed with sigh. He shoved his notepad into Blubbs' hands, "There's your murderer, right there. We did some minimal sleuthing, and added up the clues. So much for unsolvable, huh?" He gibed, crossing his arms with a smug smirk. 

The two raised their eyebrows at the name, then nodded, "Alright then, if you're sure, we'll go over there right now," Blubbs said. Billy frowned, "Guys, it’s getting pretty late. Maybe we should do this in the morning," He suggested worriedly. Durland broke out in hoots, "Oh! Do the little ones have a bedtime?" He crooned mockingly. This made both of the twins draw themselves with indignant scowls.

Dipper shouldered past the cops, "If we wait any longer I'm driving," He snapped, storming out of the station. Blubbs glanced at Durland and they shrugged, "Works for me." Billy growled and shoved past them as well, "You don't let a twelve year old drive, idiots," He grumbled, dragging them by their neckties outside to the car while Mabel bickered with Durland over who got the front seat.

Durland ended up winning, and Dipper directed them on where to go while Billy silently tried to figure out how he was going to tell Stan he let his niece and nephew go after a murderer at night. They soon arrived however, which gave him little time to ponder as Dipper was now bouncing his foot in anticipation, which was rather distracting.

He hopped out and ran around to the other side of the door where Mabel was standing, Billy following close behind. Blubbs paused as he got out his nightstick, "You better be right about this, or you'll never hear the end of it," He warned. Dipper nodded firmly, "I'm sure. The evidence is irrefutable."

"It’s so irrefutable," Mabel reiterated in a snooty voice with a grin. Durland giggled, "I/m gonna get to use my nightstick!" He squealed quietly. Blubbs chuckled and shot him a small smile, "You ready lil' fella?" Durland hooted and poked him with his stick. Dipper raised an eyebrow but ignored their banter.

"On three. One. Two-" He didn’t even finish counting as Durland kicked the door open with a loud yell. Blubbs quickly lept into action and followed him, "Nobody move! This is a raid!" He barked. Toby Determined yelped and fell off his chair, "What is this!? Some kind of raid!?" He squawked. Dipper stepped over the glass shards of the lamp Durland had shattered and crossed his arms, "Toby Determined, you are under arrest for the murder of the body of wax Stan." He stated calmly. 

Mabel jabbed a finger at him, "You have a right to remain impressed, with our awesome detective work!" She held her hand up and the twins high fived. Toby whimpered as he staggered back to his feet, "Gobbling goose feathers, I don't understand!" He whined. Dipper sniffed, "Then allow me to explain," He began with a glare.

"You were hoping that Grunkle Stan's new attraction would be the story that saved your failing newspaper. But when the show was a flop, you decided to go out and make your own headline," He explained, walking slowly around Toby as Mabel shoved the newspaper article about wax Stan's death in his face accusingly. Toby flinched and Dipper flicked his wrist and produced his notepad.

"But you were sloppy, and all the clues pointed to a shabby shoed reporter, who was caught left-handed," He said, dropping the axe at the reporter's feet. Mabel crumpled up the newspaper with a smug look, "Toby Determined, you're yesterday's news." The twins fist bumped proudly, and Billy gave an impressed little chuckle from his spot against the doorframe. 

Toby blinked owlishly at them, then adjusted his suspenders before speaking, "Boy, your little knees must be sore. From jumping to conclusions!" He retorted, replacing his hat on his head. He did a little jig for his pun, then shook his head, "I had nothing to do with that murder."

Mabel pointed a finger at him, "Aha! I knew it!" Then she paused and Dipper gaped, "Wait, did you say nothing? You had nothing to do with it?" Toby shook his head once more. Blubbs narrowed his eyes at him, "Then where were you the night of the break in?" He demanded. Toby turned red, tugging at his collar nervously. "Well?" Durland barked.

The reporter gave a defeated sigh and went into the back and got out a VCR tape (who even had those anymore?) to put into his TV. He rewinded to the time of the murder, and it showed the very room they were standing in. Static crackled and the sound clicked on as it showed Toby looking around suspiciously before opening the cabinet and pulling out...

"Oh my God."

Mabel cringed as Toby's voice came over the TV, "Finally we can be alone, Cardboard Cutout of Reporter Shondra Jimenez!" He proclaimed, then proceeded to make out with the cutout. Dipper gagged a little and had to turn away. The time stamp showed ten o three.

Blubbs made a disgusted noise, "Well Toby, you're off the hook. You freak of nature," He grumbled begrudgingly. Toby pumped his fists in the air weakly, "Hooray!" He cheered in monotone. Dipper snapped his head to look at them in alarm, "B-but it has to be him! Check the axe for fingerprints," He said quickly.

Durland hissed, "I forgot my blacklight," He admitted sheepishly. Billy dug in his pocket and tossed Durland a slim white flashlight, "Here," He offered, and Dipper raised an eyebrow, "You just randomly have a blacklight in your pocket? What the heck man?" He asked, befuddled. Billy shrugged, "Never know when you'll need it."

Blubbs took the axe as Durland held the light up, taking out a brush and lightly dusting it. He tsked with a shake of his head, "No prints at all." Billy's brow furrowed in thought, and Dipper's shot up, "No fingerprints!?" He exclaimed, taking the axe and inspecting it. Durland nudged Blubbs and Toby, "I've got a headline for ya: City Kids Waste Everyone's Time!" He giggled, the other two joining in. Billy frowned, "They still did more than you, ya jackasses!" He sneered.

Mabel gasped, "Billy!" She squeaked. Blubbs scowled at the blond, "We haven't had a murder here in thirty years, and we don't intend to fully investigate the defacement of a statue as a full scale murder to break that streak," He shot back. Durland snorted, "That's just common sense!" 

Dipper wanted to shout, "Oh like you have any!" But he didn't want to make the situation worse. Toby chuckled, "I’d be pretty embarrassed if I were you," He confided. Billy gestured to the TV, which was still rolling with Toby's moans coming off of it, "Dude." He deadpanned.

The reporter flushed an ugly red, and spluttered for a moment before turning away. Billy huffed and put a hand on each of the twins' shoulders, "Come on guys. We've got wax Stan funeral to attend." He ducked his head back in to scowl at the cops as the other two went out, "Because some of us actually care about that little girl's feelings," He hissed, then stalked off with them. 

They walked back to the shack in silence, the tension and disappointment heavy and thick in the air as they walked in. Soos had put all the wax figures in the parlor to act as an audience for the funeral, and had saved the three of them seats at the front. As they slid in, Stan pinned Billy with a glare, "I was convinced you three were playing hooky," He accused. The teen grinned slyly, "It's called being fashionably late," He replied smoothly. 

The gray haired man rolled his eyes, then stepped up to the podium, clearing his throat. He nodded slowly out at the 'crowd', "Kids, Billy, Soos, lifeless wax figures; thank you all for coming." He took a deep breath, his eyes glossy, "Some people might say it's wrong for a man to love a replica of himself-"

"They're wrong!" Soos yelled with a sob. Stan smiled weakly, "Easy Soos. Wax Stan, I hope you're picking pockets in wax heaven," He said, and his voice broke. He sniffled and shook his head before staggering down from the podium and running from the room, "I got glitter in my eye!" He cried brokenly. Soos stood up and ran after him with a sympathetic whimper. 

Billy winced, "Oi, the psychological torture," He mumbled under his breath. Dipper glanced at him in confusion, then sighed glumly and got up to go look at wax Stan in his coffin. He propped his chin in his hand, "Those cops were right about me," He murmured glumly. Mabel stood as well, "Dipper, we've come this far, we can't give up now." 

Billy sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "But we've considered everything; the weapon, the motive, the clues," He listed on his fingers, then shook his head. Dipper huffed, "I just don't understand it," He mumbled. His gaze glossed over wax Stan, then zeroed in on his foot. He tilted his head in thought, "Wax Stan's shoe has a hole in it," He noted. 

Mabel hummed, "All the wax guys have that. It’s where the poles attach to their stand dealies," She explained. Dipper paused, and Billy swore loudly just as the brunette gasped. "Mabel, what has holes in its shoes and no fingerprints? The murderers are-"

"Standing right behind you?" A new voice mused. They turned to see Billy had moved in front of them and had his arms splayed out protectively. Dipper sucked in a sharp breath, "Wax Sherlock, wax Shakespeare... Wax Coolio?" He finished, bewildered. Sherlock, the one who had spoken, stepped forward and took a puff from his pipe. 

He sneered at the three, "Congratulations, my little amateur sleuth. You've unburied the truth." He pointed his magnifying glass at Dipper, "And now we are going to bury _you_."

Billy widened his stance into something more intimidating, scowling at Sherlock, "Yeah, well you'll have to get through me," He growled. Sherlock sniffed and glanced in his direction briefly, "Oh that shouldn't be a problem."

He turned back to Dipper, "Bravo Dipper Pines, you've discovered our little secret. Applaud everyone, applaud sarcastically," He snarked, taking Stan's wax head from his cape. Everyone clapped, and his eyebrow twitched, "No, no. That sounds much too sincere. Slow clap." The figures fixed their applause, and Sherlock nodded, "There we go, nice and condescending."

Dipper shook his head, "B-but, how is this possible? You're made of _wax_!" He spluttered. Mabel gasped, "Are you magic?" She asked in awe, nudging Billy gently out of the way, ignoring his protests. Billy was moved to the end of the coffin beside Mabel, and Sherlock laughed, "Magic! She wants to know, if we're _magic_ ," He chuckled.

Dipper yelped as Sherlock slammed his fist into the coffin right beside Dipper's head. He scowled at the boy, and Billy tensed, "We're _cursed_!" He hissed. He straightened, smoothing down his lapels, "Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing. Your Uncle brought us many years ago at a garage sale."

"A haunted garage sale, yo!" Coolio shouted. Sherlock gave him an unimpressed glance before continuing, "So the Mystery Shack Wax Museum was born! By day, we were the playthings of man," He spat, and Coolio crossed his arms, "But when your Uncle went to sleep, we would rule the night," He said. 

Sherlock took another puff from his pipe, "It was a charmed life for us cursed beings. That is, until your Uncle closed up shop. We've been waiting ten years to get revenge on Stan for locking us away, but we got the wrong guy," He snarled. Dipper went pale, "You were trying to murder Grunkle Stan for real!?" He blurted. Mabel whimpered, "You were right all along, wax figures are creepy!" She cried, clutching Dipper's arm. Sherlock rolled his eyes, "Enough! Now that you've learned our secret, you must _**die**_."

The twins backed up fearfully as all the wax figures' eyes rolled backwards into their heads, showing milky white orbs that glinted in the firelight. Dipper backed into Billy's chest, and the blond put his arms around them protectively. The trio backed up into the inn table in the corner, and Billy swore just a bit louder this time. Mabel cowered, "What do we do, what do we do!?"

"I don't know!" Dipper shouted hysterically. Billy then turned around and snatched something off the table, flinging it at Genghis Khan with a grunt. The waxen emperor shrieked as his face was melted into a droopy mess, and Billy dropped the coffee pot to the floor with a clatter. Mabel gasped, "That's it! We can melt them with hotty melty things!" She breathed. She then lunged at the table and grabbed the three electric candles off of it, tossing it to the other two. They all held them out threateningly, Dipper waving his at Lizzie Borden with a glare, and she backed away with a hiss, along with the others around her. 

Dipper held the candle like a sword, "Move, and we'll melt you all into candles!" Mabel nodded firmly, "Yeah! Decorative candles," She added darkly. Sherlock stood up straighter, "You really think you can defeat _us_?" He sneered. All three of them glanced at each other, and Billy shrugged, "I dunno."

"I'm-I'm not really sure either."

"We probably could."

"Yeah."

"It's worth a shot I guess."

Sherlock sniffed, "So be it. Attack!" He boomed, the wax figures charging them. Billy barreled forward with a roar, slashing left and right with twins lunging forwards with identical war cries. Dipper bared his teeth at Edgar Allen Poe as he rushed the boy, and with a weird twist he didn’t even know he was capable of, he slid behind him and slashed the candle top through his torso. The wax poet gasped, then chuckled humorlessly, "I've heard about a cutting remark, but this ridiculous." He then slid apart and to the ground, and Dipper ducked just in time for the disfigured Genghis Khan to dive right into the fireplace beside him.

He smiled and laughed, "Ha, jokes on you Genghis Khan! You fell faster than the...I dunno, Tang dynasty?" 

"Duck Shorts!"

Dipper instinctively dropped to the floor just as Lizzie Borden swiped at his head with her axe, missing by a hair. Suddenly a glowing tip jutted from her throat, and she fell. Billy smirked at him from across the room, arm still out where he threw his candle. He straightened, "The Jin dynasty. That’s the one you were looking for," He confided, and Dipper quickly tossed Billy his candle again. Dipper grabbed her axe in his other hand, then turned around just in time to lop Larry King's head off before he saw stabbed with a sharp stick. He turned back to Billy, "Thanks!" He called.

"What else am I good for?"

Dipper rolled his eyes as he split Octavian right down the middle, "Well," He started, panting for breath as he dodged a swipe from Octavian's left side. He whirled to find himself back to back with Billy, and he shot him a grin, "You're pretty damn good at chess."

Billy's eyes widened in surprise and he barked out a laugh as he sliced the hand off Anne Frank. Then Dipper's breath rushed out of him as he was thrown against the wall. Sherlock advanced on him with an irritated expression, taking the sword off the wall and stuck wax Stan's head on the rhino horn. Dipper looked around desperately, seeing his candle was broken and the axe had skidded across the room. Sherlock raised the sword, "Let’s get this over with." 

"Dipper, catch!" Mabel yelled, tossing him a hot poker. He caught it and blocked the first swing at him, backing up as the detective advanced on him. He was forced to climb the stairs backwards, and backed into a corner in the foyer of the attic. Sherlock flipped his sword, "Once your family is out of the way, we'll rule the night once more," He said smugly. Dipper caught sight of the window, and he tumbled out of the way just as Sherlock brought the sword down, racing for the window. 

"Don't count on it!" He shouted back, clambering out the window and up to the roof. Sherlock growled, "Get back here you brat," He snarled, following him up to the roof. Dipper kept his grip on the poker, scrambling up onto the shack sign, having to walk backwards on the slim wood as Sherlock swung at him again. He missed however, striking the 'S' of Shack and making it fall off. 

Sherlock glowered at him, prowling forward slowly, "You really think you can outwit me, boy? I'm Sherlock bleeding Holmes! Have you seen my magnifying glass!? It’s enormous!" Dipper decided to ignore that and quickly jumped behind the sign, sliding down the shingles unsteadily. He hid behind the chimney and took a deep breath, "Please let this work."

He listened hard for the sound of footsteps on the roof, but nothing sounded except for a few birds beginning to wake up. He peeked around the chimney and sighed when he saw nothing there. He turned back around only to be kicked in the stomach and sent skidding along the wood, the poker clattering off the roof. Sherlock loomed over him with a mocking leer, raising his sword, "Any last words?" He asked darkly. 

Dipper gulped and looked around, "Uh...got any sunscreen?" He tried. Sherlock looked confused, "Got any-what!?" He gaped as his hands began to melt off in the rising sun. He dropped the sword and turned to sun in horror. Then he sighed defeatedly, "No." Dipper sat up with a giggle, "You know, letting me lead you outside? Not your smartest decision," He mused, putting his arms around his knees and hugging them happily. 

Sherlock scoffed in disbelief, "Outsmarted by a child in short pants! Fiddlesticks, humbugs! Oh, it’s a total kerfuffle!" He melted into nothing but a face, and Dipper stood up. The brunette smiled with a sigh, "Case closed." He dusted his hands off, then sneezed when the dust hit his nose. Sherlock chuckled, "Those policemen were right, you're adorable. Adorable!" He shouted as his head fell off the roof and splattered to the ground. Dipper scrunched up his nose, "Ew," He stated disgustedly. 

He turned to go back inside, only to have Lizzie Borden catch him by the throat with one hand, a crazed look in her eyes and a hole in her throat. She was standing just in the shadow of the chimney, and she stared at the spot where Sherlock had melted off. 

"You killed him," She whispered, disbelieving. Then her eyes turned to him and burned with fury, "YOU KILLED MY HUSBAND!" She shrieked. Dipper's eyes widened, "What!?" He croaked, his airway being cut off. His vision was starting to blur, and her hold on his throat tightened. Lizzie gave a mad little giggle, "Now I'm going to kill you," She crooned. Dipper clawed at her hand uselessly, feet flailing desperately. 

Then suddenly a white and gold blur came rushing down the roof with a yell, and with a gasp, Lizzie lost her head and Dipper fell to the ground, dislocating his ankle. He gasped with a cry, coughing and looking up to see Billy panting with the axe in his hand, a cut across his temple dripping blood in his eye. He straightened and twirled the axe in one hand, "Heads up."

Dipper wheezed out a laugh, and Billy helped him up. They both limped inside, Billy supporting Dipper with a hand around his torso and a grim expression. They passed Stan on their way back to the parlor, and he raised an eyebrow at Dipper's limp and Billy's face and bloody knuckles. The blond gave him a firm nod as they passed, and Stan's expression changed to one of gratitude. He returned the nod respectfully.

Mabel was cheerfully throwing the wax limbs into the fire when they got back, and she raised her eyebrows at them, "What happened!?" She stood up and ran over to her brother, inspecting his bruising neck and limp. He hissed as she began prodding, "Mabel please, I'm fine," He grunted. She scoffed, "You don't look fine." She then sighed with a smile, taking wax Stan's head off the wall.

"But I guess we did solve the mystery after all."

Dipper nodded and sat down with a sigh, "I couldn't have done it without you guys. You're like, my sidekicks," he mused. Mabel snorted, "No offense Dipper, but you're the sidekick." He blinked, "What? No! H-have people been saying that?" He asked. Billy laughed and shook his head, "I dunno, what he pulled up on the roof was spectacular. 'Got any sunscreen?', it was beautiful, truly," He snickered. Dipper nudged him, "How about you saving my butt up there? 'Heads up'." He chuckled and moved over to let Billy sit down. 

Mabel glanced at them, "Do I want to know?" She asked. They shrugged, "Probably not," They chorused. Then Dipper turned to Billy, "Alright, let me see," He demanded, grabbing the teen's chin and turning his head to look at his cut. The blond yelped as he prodded it, "Ow, that hurts, Shorts!" He whined. Dipper rolled his eyes and took out a small purple bottle, unscrewing the top.

Billy paused, "Is that...?" Dipper nodded, "The stuff you gave me for my shoulder, it was in my book. I never got a chance to thank you for that, by the way," He replied. Billy flushed a light pink and huffed, "Don’t mention it. Seriously," He grumbled. Dipper chuckled and sighed, "Just like Stan," He murmured. He poured some of purple liquid onto his fingertips, going back to gently prod at the wound.

Stan walked in to see Mabel putting the stepstool up and Billy swearing quietly as Dipper nursed his cut and chided him for being a baby. Then he spluttered at the state of the room, "Hot Belgium waffles! What happened to my parlor!?" 

"Waffles?" Billy questioned incredulously, then hissed, "Ow, Shorts!" Dipper shook his head, "If you'd be still, it wouldn't hurt," He retorted. Mabel took the liberty of answering Stan's question. She grinned, "The wax figures turned out to be evil so we fought them to the death!" She chirped. Dipper raised a hand and looked up for a moment, "I decapitated Larry King," He stated, then resuming his work. Billy raised a hand as well, "And I dismembered Anne Frank."

Stan blinked, then shook his head with a tight laugh, "You kids and your imaginations," He said with a too wide smile. Dipper rolled his eyes but ignored his disbelief. He was used to it by now. Billy grinned and took something from Mabel, "On the bright side, look what we found." He tossed Stan his head. The elder man laughed in surprise, "My head! Heh, I missed this guy. You kids done good. Line up for some affectionate noogying," He cheered, walking towards the twins.

Dipper winced and recapped the bottle, finally letting Billy lean up, "I’m not so sure about that. Is there any other altern-Ack!" He was cut off by Stan snatching him and Mabel, driving his knuckles roughly into their heads and mussing up their hair. Billy chuckled, and Stan gave him a thankful smile over their heads. He smiled back. 

Then they all turned to the open window as a honk sounded. Sheriff Blubbs and Deputy Durland drove up with smirks on their faces. Blubbs raised an eyebrow, "Solve the case yet, boy?" Dipper opened his mouth as he hobbled towards the window, but Blubbs interrupted him.

"I'm so confident you're gonna say no, that I'm gonna take a long, slow sip from my cup of coffee," He drawled, picking up his mug and bringing it to his lips. Just for effect, Dipper waited a few more seconds, then smirked and took the head from Stan, holding it up.

"Actually, the answer is yes."

Blubbs spluttered and choked, spewing out his coffee all over Durland, who screamed and returned the favor. Blubbs flailed, "It burns. It burns!" He yelled, and Durland started to cry, "My eyes!" Then they swerved off and crashed into the post down the road. They four in the parlor started laughing, Stan holding his side, "They got scalded!"

After everyone calmed down, Billy made Dipper sit down so he could return the favor on his foot. Dipper looked to Mabel, "So did you get rid of all the wax figures?" He asked. Mabel nodded, "I am ninety nine percent sure that I did!" Billy looked up with mischievous grin, "No you didn't," He stated. Dipper looked down at him, and Billy glanced at him, "On one."

"Wait, what do you mean n-?"

"One."

He yanked hard, and with a sound like pool balls coming together, Dipper's ankle relocated. He let out a high pitched screech, eyes tearing up. He glared at Billy as he dabbed some of the purple stuff on it and leaned back up, "Um, ow!" He said pointedly. Billy snickered, "Now you know how it feels," He retorted. Billy recapped the now half full bottle and gave it back with a grinned, "I still have the sculpture I made at my house. As far as I know, it hasn’t come to life and tried to kill anybody yet, and I kinda want to show it off."

Mabel gasped, "Oh yeah I forgot you made one too! Didn't you model it after Dipper?" Stan looked up at this, "Why would you use Dipper? I'm a much more viable candidate," He said confidently, striking a pose. Billy stood up, "You'll see. I'll be back," He called as he ran out the door. Mabel helped Dipper up, "I wanna see what he came up with," She admitted cheerfully. Stan laughed as he followed them, "If he modelled it after Dipper, I’m scared to see what he came up with!" 

Dipper stuck his tongue out at his Uncle, but in truth, he was both himself.

 

[:•:]

 

They all stood outside, waiting on Billy, and Soos whistled, "I'm excited. My hands are tingling," He said, shaking out his palms. Stan glanced at him and shifted away, "Keep your tingling to yourself." Mabel nodded at Dipper's pocket, "What was that stuff?" She asked quietly. Dipper hummed, "I think it’s a healing potion," He murmured, leaning forward as he heard the squeal of tires on dirt. 

A rusted black truck nearly smashed into a tree, skidding to a stop just in time, and a familiar blond popped his head out, grinning. Billy clambered out and flung the back open, dragging out two tow grates and leaning them down on the ground, pulling a rolling platform out of the back of the truck. It was covered with a tarp, so Billy pushed it in front of them, then grinned, "Alright, you guys ready?" He asked excitedly. 

"Ready as we'll ever be," Stan gruffed, crossing his arms. Billy chuckled and grabbed the tarp, "On three." Mabel burst out with a very loud, "One!" And the rest of the group followed suit. "Two, three!" Billy yanked off the tarp, and Dipper sucked in a sharp breath. The statue in front of them could be compared to Dipper, but he looked like he was straight from something out of his books. 

A flowing black robe-like thing (he had no idea what to call it) was draped over him, sparkling with black and gold glitter, and the large sleeves were pushed back behind his wrists so he could cup what seemed to be fire in his hands. A band of yellow gold clasped around his forehead, lines of what looked like beads draping down from the sides of his face. A little blue pine tree was painted in its center. His head was bowed, gazing almost lovingly at the flames in his hands.

His cheeks were dusted with red glitter, an ever present flush on his face, while his hair sparkled as well, chocolate colored glitter sprinkled throughout the wax ringlets there as well. His eyes were perfectly captured in a meld of green, cerulean, gray, and brown, glittered with bits of gold as well. It sparkled in the morning sun, and Dipper was speechless.

Mabel was the first to speak, "Whoa," She breathed. Soos nodded absently, "Ditto," He whispered. Billy stood off to the side, "What do ya think?" He asked. He began walking around it slowly, "I felt like someone like Dipper would have more of a fantastical fashion, and I think it fits very well. How's it feel to be portrayed as a prince, Dip?" He asked with a wink. Dipper pulled himself up, his ankle a dull ache now, and walked over to it in awe. He stood in front of himself, looking up at the fantasia of a sculpture that was modelled after him. He tentatively reached up brushed his fingertips along the wax figure's forehead, brushing the 'crown'. 

"Is this really how I look?" He asked softly, unable to comprehend how such a beautiful figure could be in his image. Billy hummed, "I got it as close as I could. Of course, I took some liberties with your figure, since I haven't seen you naked or in skin tight clothes, but other than that, yeah. It’s pretty accurate," He admitted. Dipper decided to ignore the comment about seeing him naked, and laughed.

Mabel squealed, clapping her hands together, "It's wonderful, Billy! It looks just like him! You know, minus the clothes. But you were right; in the right clothes, Dipper can pull off being a model," She said, walking up to inspect the glittered wax of the robe. Stan had been staring up until this point, and now he shook his head and wandered forward as well. He walked around it, inspecting it with narrowed eyes. Billy watched him warily, and he finally stepped back with a grunt and nod, "Good work kid. You could be the next Leonardo." 

Billy beamed at the praise, then shrunk back as Stan turned narrowed eyes to him, "A lot of attention to detail." Billy swallowed under his piercing gaze, then smile shakily, "Shorts and I hang out a lot. I notice little things, you know," He explained as he waved his hand vaguely. Stan kept his glare for a moment longer, then rolled his eyes with a grin, clapping him on the back, "I'm messing with you, kid. Lighten up a bit, huh?" He chuckled. 

Billy chuckled with relief, then sighed. Soos glanced at them, "So what're we gonna do with it?" He asked. Mabel popped her head up with a grin, "We could put it in the shack! As an attraction, you know? The Forest Prince, trapped forever in a cage of wax and glitter, set before the world to see!" She proclaimed, spreading her arms out wide. Stan rubbed his chin, "Forest Prince...that's not a bad idea! But we'll have to get artist consent," He said, turning to Billy. The blond smiled, "I made it for Dipper. It's his call."

They all looked to Dipper, who was still standing beside the wax figure. He flushed at the attention and ducked his head down, "Y-yeah, go ahead," He murmured, and Mabel squealed again, "Aw, now he really does look like it!" The brunette blushed darker, and scowled at her. She pouted, "Now that's just unattractive, don't scowl at me," She chided, crossing her arms. Dipper shook his head with a laugh, and they all ventured back inside. 

Dipper stayed back to help Billy get the statue up the stairs. He glanced at the teen, "This is really cool. You're a great artist," He urged truthfully. The blond grunted and shrugged, "It was fun to make. To make sure I had all your marshmallowness just right," He snickered. Dipper hit him on the shoulder lightly as they rolled it into the shop, "Well you failed. This looks nothing like a marshmallow," He quipped, gesturing at the sculpture vaguely. Billy hummed, glancing at him, "Maybe not. But a magic prince made from a genius? I think I got that right." Dipper blushed at this, looking at his shoes as they scuffed the wood, shoving the statue into an empty space in the shape.

He smiled just a bit, "So when are we hanging out again?" He asked nonchalantly. Billy whipped his head to face him and grinned.

 

[:•:]

 

Dipper was splayed on the armchair, having had stolen Stan's ancient laptop earlier, was now on Youtube as Mabel posed in the mirror, swapping sweaters. "Dipper, what do you think? Sequins, or llama hair?" 

"Yeah, that’s great," He mumbled, typing in his search. Mabel huffed, coming over to lay on the back of the chair, "What're you so invested in that you can’t-?" She stopped as she saw the title of the video he was about to play. 

The Karaoke King: Billy Rephic- Or Nah by SoMo.

Mabel cocked her head, "Aroo?" She questioned incredulously. Dipper glanced at her, "When we went to Skull Fracture, everybody was trying to get Billy to sing this song, but he would never tell me what it was. So I asked Brutus, and he said he got it all video. This is it," He explained. He pressed play. Mabel hummed, watching too, "I wonder what was so bad about it."

The video started with a little static, then steadied and focused on an obviously tipsy teen who had clambered up on stage. Billy hiccuped, "I got one for ya! Hit it, Jeffery!" He called. The music came on, and Billy began to sing. Both the twins face's turned scarlet as they heard the lyrics. Not that Billy was a bad singer, oh no, the opposite. It’s just his voice paired with that song, and the way he moved...it was way too inappropriate.

Neither could tear their eyes from the screen for the next three minutes, and the video ended with Billy falling off stage into a roaring crowd, and a booming laugh from whoever held the camera. Mabel blinked and then threw her hands up, "Well now I know how to cure a crush! Do something like...that," She said, queasy and red in the face. Dipper shut the laptop, face burning, "Oh my God..." He whispered, putting his head in his hands. 

Mabel fled the room, "I REGRET EVERY LIFE CHOICE THAT HAS LEAD ME TO THIS MOMENT!" She yelled as she ran. Dipper didn't know whether to laugh or run away. So instead, glancing around discreetly, he reopened the laptop, and clicked the like button.


	6. WKH KDQG WKDW URFNV WKH PDEHO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel and Dipper get themselves tangled up in admirers, and premonitions make suspicions arise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter: Wine Red by The Hush Sound

Dipper and Mabel sat on the floor at Soos' feet, watching Tiger Fist while Stan was outside scamming tourists again. They had all paid good money to get their pictures made with the Forest Prince, so Billy now had a semi-steady income. Stan felt obliged (after much pestering from Mabel) to begrudgingly pay him forty percent of what he made off the Forest Prince. Dipper smiled and cheered with the rest when Tiger grew a fist a punched itself in the face.

They whooped and the announcer boomed back onto the speakers, "TIGER FIST...Will be back after these messages." Then Dipper settled back for the commercials, and jumped when Soos leaned forward between him and Mabel.

"Hey look, it's that commercial I was telling you guys about!" He exclaimed, pointing to the screen. Dipper looked to see a light blue backdrop and hands extend from the bottom to release a flock of doves. A narrator with a southern accent pan in to a random man sobbing, "Are you completely miserable?"

"Yes!" The man wailed loudly, going back to crying. The narrator chuckled, "Then you need to meet..." A chorus of whispering women replaced him and breathed, "Gideon." Dipper tilted his head, "Gideon?" He murmured curiously. Mabel hummed, "What makes him so special?" She mused. As if hearing her the narrator answered, "He's a psychic."

"A what now?" Mabel wondered. The narrator came back on, "So don't waste your time on other so called 'Men of Mystery'," He began, the screen showing Grunkle Stan trying to get toilet paper off his foot, then it paused and stamped the word 'FRAUD' in bright red over the image. Dipper made an affronted noise, but Mabel leaned forward as the commercial continued. "Come learn about tomorrow tonight! At Lil' Gideon's Tent of Telepathy." Then it panned out to the credits, "Void where prohibited, no CODs accepted, CarlaIvealwayslovedyouIjustneverhadthegutstosayit," The man speaking blurted out the end really fast, but the rest was discernible.

Dipper raised an eyebrow, "Carla?" Mabel bounced up and down excitedly, "Wow, I'm gettin' all curiousy inside!" Stan came in just then and hung his jacket up. He scowled, "Yeah, well don't get too curiousy! Ever since that monster Gideon rolled into town I've had nothing but trouble," He growled. Soos hummed, "I heard his older brother is a troublemaker too. They sent him to stay with his Uncle in South Carolina to be 'reformed'. He came back a week ago; they said he hasn't changed at all," He mused.

Dipper gave him a strange look, "Where do you get all this gossip?" He asked with a small smile. Soos chuckled, "Abuelita goes to bingo a lot, and old women are the worst gossip mongers ever," He explained with a buck-toothed grin. Mabel hummed, swinging her feet, "Well, is Gideon really psychic?" She asked. Dipper grinned, "Well, we could go find out," He suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Never! You're forbidden from patronizing the competition! No one that lives under my roof is allowed under that...Gideon's roof!"

Dipper looked to Mabel, "Do tents have roofs?" He asked with a knowing smile. Mabel smiled back cheekily, "I think we just found our loophole. Literally!" She held up a piece of tied string. Dipper blinked at her, then jumped as the TV spoke again, "So come on down folks. Gideon's expecting you." Dipper cocked his head at the TV. Hadn't the credits just rolled two seconds ago? And that had sounded less welcoming and more menacing than anything.

Dipper got up and went through the shop to get to the attic. A little girl nearly dropped her handful of quarters, pointing at him, "Mommy look! The Forest Prince!" She exclaimed. Dipper turned pink, and just as the lady turned around to look at him, he fled up the stairs. He shut himself in the attic with a sigh, going over to flop onto his bed. He grabbed his book from off his bedside table, opening it to his last page.

_"Alice may have been mad, but I assure you Dr. Harley, that I am not. Grandma was a peculiar case, and even if it was hereditary, it must've skipped two generations," Emily shot back haughtily. The man adjusted his glasses. "I am merely suggesting a counselor, Ms. Kingsleigh. Not a straight jacket."_

"Hey Shorts!"

Dipper tumbled off his bed with a yelp, hitting his head on the floor hard. He sat up with a groan, "Ow." He looked up in surprise to see Billy's bright blue eyes peering through his window. He scrambled up and unlatched the window, letting the blond teen fall inside. Dipper shit the window after him, "What're you doing here? And how did you get on the roof!?" He asked incredulously. Billy wiggled his eyebrows, "Magic, believe in it Hazel," He said with a wink. 

Dipper rolled his eyes and dog-eared his page. Billy lept at him abruptly, squeaking, "What _are_ you doing!? Don't fold it! I thought you appreciated books." He yanked the book from Dipper's grasp, huffing and carefully smoothing the creased page back out the best he could. Then he plucked a piece of paper off the table and folded it into a little triangle, sticking in and shutting the book. He handed it back, "Always-Always! Use a bookmark," He chided, sniffing.

Dipper shook his head at him and chuckled. He replaced the book on his bed and crossed his arms, "So what're you doing here?" He prodded. The blond grinned and struck a pose, "I sensed another great adventure approaching. Billy and the Musketeers shall take on whatever comes their way!" Dipper snickered, "Are you always this dramatic?" He said sarcastically, going about finding his shoes. Billy smirked, "Well I'm never serious, gotta be somethin'!" He chirped, shoving his hands in his hoodie pocket.

He sat on Dipper's bed and leaned back against the wall, "So, what’re we doing today?" Dipper glanced at him as he pulled on his socks, "Honestly? We aren't doing anything until tonight. We're going to go investigate this so called psychic in town."

Billy shot up, all playfulness gone, "Gideon Gleeful?" He squawked, eyes wide. Dipper blinked, then nodded, "Yeah. You know him?" He asked. Billy scoffed, "Do I- The whole _town_ knows who he is, Shorts. He's a right pain in the as-" Mabel burst in just then, and Billy went from snarky to highpitched in two seconds, "Asteroid! Yep, that's...that's what I was going to say." 

Mabel stared at him in surprise, "When did you get here?" She asked as she handed Dipper his shoes, which he had left downstairs. He hummed his thanks, pulling them on as Billy jerked his thumb at the window, "A few seconds ago. Did you know that if you combine creepers with bowed wood, you get excellent footholds? Yeah, me too," He replied absently, obviously thinking about something else.

Dipper grunted as he laced his shoe and stood, "Are you gonna come with us?" He wondered as he brushed himself off. Billy's gold flecked eyes snapped to his, "To that phony freak show? Ha ha, lemme think- no." He then laid down on Dipper's pillows with a huff. Mabel raised an eyebrow, "What'd he do to you? Pee in your cornflakes?" She asked, picking out a sweater with meticulous care. 

Billy cringed, "Gross, no. And when you meet him, you'll see." He then titled his head, "His brother's alright though. It’s gonna be fun having him back in town," He said with a mischievous grin. He sighed in nostalgia, "Sibling rivalries are a joy to witness."

The twins glanced at one another and rolled their eyes, going about getting ready to sneak out that night. They chatted with Billy for a bit more before the blond left, leaving them to eat dinner and sneak out with Soos. Mabel had tried to convince him to come anyway, but he had stood firm. First Stan, now Billy. Dipper was starting to seriously rethink this whole endeavor.

Around something o clock in the evening, they arrived at a large turquoise tent with a brightly colored star atop it. A heavy set man in a Hawaiian shirt and khakis grinned at everyone as they passed by, "Welcome folks! Don't forget to put some money in Gideon's psychic sack!" He called, and Dipper had the strange sensation he'd heard that phrase before. Sack of Mystery, to Psychic Sack, both of which weasel people thoroughly out of their money.

Dipper and Mabel followed Soos through and sat somewhere in the middle since all the front seats had already filled. Dipper looked around with a frown, "It’s like a bizarre version of the Mystery Shack," He murmured. Mabel nudged him, "They even have their own Soos." She pointed to the janitor walking by, his wide figure and buckteeth a dead giveaway, a nametag reading 'Deuce' pinned to his breast pocket.

He noticed however, that nobody else had been imitated. ' _Psychic my royal rumpus_ ' Dipper thought as he crossed his arms. The lights then dimmed, and Mabel squealed quietly, shaking him excitedly, "It's starting!" Dipper pried her hands off his arm and rubbed the offending spot, "Really? I hadn't noticed," He mumbled with a sigh. 

He leaned back with narrow eyes, "Let’s see what this _monster_ looks like." He watched as a shadow grew on the other side of the curtain, looking at least seven feet tall. He gulped. Then the curtains were wheeled aside, and he nearly choked. 

"That's Stan's mortal enemy!?"

The man before them wasn't a man at all; it was a child that couldn't be older than nine, big white hair making up most of his height. He was chubby, his skin pale with big freckles scattered across his cheeks and a too innocent smile on his lips. He wore a turquoise three piece suit, complete with a sparkling cape that house the symbol on top of the tent. Mabel giggled, "But he's so...widdle."

Gideon grinned out at the crowd, "Hello America! My name is Lil' Gideon!" He exclaimed in a southern accent, clapping his hands. Dipper recoiled as a flock of doves flew out of his hair. He blinked in surprise. Oookay then. This wasn't weird at all. Nope. The brunette was tempted to get up and leave. He was getting an increasingly bad feeling, it sinking his stomach to his legs.

Gideon waited for the crowd to quit cheering before speaking again. He giggled girlishly, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is such a gift to have you here tonight! Such a gift," He echoed himself with a soft nod. He clapped his hands together firmly, "I have a vision. I predict, you will soon all say 'Aw'," He said, then made a cute little baby face at the crowd. The women swooned and everyone awed. Mabel gasped, "It came true," She said in awe. 

Dipper scoffed, "What? I’m not impressed," He grumbled. Mabel pushed him lightly with a smile, "You're impressed," She teased, then turned her attention back to the show. Gideon whipped his cape off and tossed it into the crowd, where women began fighting over it. The white haired child grinned, "Hit it, Bray!" He called, and from somewhere off stage a loud twanging guitar sounded.

Gideon began tapping his foot to the beat before bursting out into song. Oh boy.

"Oh I can see,  
What others can't see.  
It ain't some side show trick,  
It's innate ability!  
Where others are blind,  
I am futurely inclined.  
And you too could see;  
If you was lil' ol' me!"

He whooped and danced around the stage. He then clutched his tie, panting, "Keep it goin'! Come on now, rise up everybody!" Dipper yelped as an unseen force shoved him into a standing position, and he gawked, "What- how did he...!?" He spluttered, and Gideon then strutted off into the crowd. He didn't know it was possible for a nine year old to strut, but apparently it was. Gideon hummed as he pointed out random people.

"You wish your son would call you more!"

"I'm leaving everything to my cats!"

"I sense that you've been here before!"

"What gave it away?"

Dipper glanced over to see Blubbs decked out in Gideon's merchandise. He rolled his eyes, "Oh, come on," He groaned, already tired of this routine. Next time he'd take Billy's lead and just stay home. He blinked when Gideon was suddenly right beside them.

"I’ll read your mind if I am able, and somethin' tells me you're named Mabel," He mused, then waltzing off again. Mabel gaped after him, "How'd he do that?" She breathed. Dipper cleared his throat and looked pointedly at her sweater, which bore her name in brightly colored letters. She glowered at him for taking away her fun, then refocused on the end of the song. The song ended in a large explosion of lights and sparks and colors, a large glowing sign that read 'LIL GIDEON' sparkling behind him as he panted and dabbed at his forehead with a hanky. 

Someone tossed him a water bottle and he sucked half of it down, smiling weakly at the crowd, "Thank you! Thank you! You people are the real miracles!" He proclaimed as the curtains began to close. Dipper snorted and shook his head, following Soos and Mabel out, filing out slowly behind the crowd. 

Dipper nudged Mabel with a smirk, "That kid's an even bigger fraud than Stan. No wonder our Grunkle's jealous," He said. Mabel laughed, "Oh come on! His dance moves were adorable! And did you see his hair? It was like, whoosh!" She made a sweeping motion over her head to demonstrate. Dipper giggled, pressing a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound, "You're too easily impressed," He accused playfully. Mabel shoved him, "Yeah, yeah."

They laughed and began a poking war as they walked home, unaware of two pairs of eyes on their backs. 

 

[:•:]

 

Gideon paced his room, "Oh, she was beautiful. Enchanting," He murmured. The taller male sighed dreamily, brushing out his hair, "That hair looked so soft. I wanted to bury my fingers in it," He breathed. Gideon hummed, "She was so...bright!" A deep, absent chuckle as he pulled his hair back into a ponytail, "And those eyes; glimmering with so many colors. I could drown in em." 

Gideon snapped his eyes to his brother, "Brayden, are you even listening?" He snapped. The elder looked up, "Hm? Oh yes. We're talking 'bout the same person, correct?" He asked. Gideon nodded. They both sighed heavily, lovesick.

"That girl..."

"The boy..."

They both snapped their gazes up, and Gideon paused before rolling his eyes, "I see the time at Uncle's did you no good," He retorted with a small smile. Brayden grinned, "Ain't nothin' wrong with me. I just know fine when I see it. God, the way he blushes..." He marveled, eyes distant. Gideon smirked, "Well then, looks like we both have a similar problem," He mused. 

The eldest grabbed his hat and guitar, leaning back in his chair and tuning his strings, "What would that be?" He drawled, tipping his hat down, white ponytail swinging lazily. Gideon hummed and filed his nails, "They're related to Stanford Pines. The man that wants to see us run out of town with pitchforks and torches."

Brayden hissed, "Damn, I s'pose that would be a problem. I guess we'll have to find alternatives, huh? Be subtle," He murmured. Gideon chuckled, "Subtle may be _your_ style, but it's certainly not mine. I'm taking this head on," He proclaimed, slamming his file down. Brayden smirked wryly, "You've changed so much, Gid." Then he sighed and propped his feet up on the table, "Do what you want. You do your way, I'll do mine," He sniffed, plucking a few notes and fiddling with the knobs on his guitar.

Gideon walked over to his bed, kicking off his shoes, "Goodnight then, brother."

"Goodnight Gid."

 

[:•:]

 

Dipper was up early the next morning, reading his book at the kitchen table. Mabel then bounced into the room, her entire face sparkling in a disarray of colors and gems. She grinned, "Check it out Dipper! I successfully bedazzled my face! Blink! Ow..." She trailed off as a few gems came off. Dipper raised a concerned brow, "Is that, like, permanent?" He asked. Mabel sighed, "I'm unappreciated in my time," She murmured. 

Then the doorbell rang. Figuring it was Billy (though normally he'd just let himself in), Dipper nodded at Mabel. She hummed, "I'll get it!" She sang, rubbing the gems off her faces and sprinkling them all over the floor. She whistled as she opened the door, then blinked down at who was standing there.

"Howdy!" Gideon chirped. Mabel let out a surprised laugh, "It's widdle old you!" She said cheerfully. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Heh, yeah. My song's quite catchy. Now, I know we haven’t formally met, but after yesterday I just couldn't get your laugh out of my head," He lamented honestly. Mabel giggled, and Gideon beamed. 

"Oh, what a delight! When I saw you in the audience, I said to myself, 'Now there's a kindred spirit'. Someone who appreciates the, uh, _sparkly_ things in life."

Mabel bounced up and down, "That’s totally me! Ha ha!" She laughed, then began coughing, hacking until a few dozen gems spewed out of her mouth. They landed and stuck on Gideon's lapels, and his eyes twinkled. "Enchanting. Utterly enchanting," He whispered. Mabel started when she heard Stan, "Who's at the door!?" He shouted.

Mabel shook her head, "No one Grunkle Stan!" She yelled back with a smile. Gideon blinked then laughed, "I appreciate your discretion; Stan's no fan of mine. I don't know how a lemon so sour could be related to a peach so sweet," He nearly purred. Mabel giggled and blushed, "Gideon!" She squealed, shoving him. Gideon leaned closer, "What do you say we step away from here and chat a bit more? Perhaps in my dressing room?" He offered.

Mabel's eyes lit up, "Ooo, makeovers! Ha!" She poked Gideon playfully. He winced then rubbed his abdomen, "Ha ha, ow..." He mumbled. He stepped out of the shack with Mabel in arm, and his gaze shot to the woods, his blue eyes meeting green ones. He smirked and mouthed 'Your turn'.

Brayden huffed and slumped against the tree he was hiding behind. He sighed, "How to romance such a creature..." He dragged a hand down his face, looking at the object in his hand, "This'll have to do for now."

Meanwhile Dipper was inside, on a particularly interesting paragraph, when the doorbell rang again. He waited for Mabel to get it, but when it rang again, he put his bookmark in and groaned, getting up and taking his book with him. He sighed and opened the door, "Hello, ca-?" He cut himself off when he saw nothing. He looked around, then caught something on the welcome mat. Why did this keep happening? Was this Billy's doing again?

He knelt down and saw it was a single white rose, a little card tied to its stem. He picked it up, turning the card over.

 

_"The prince of harmony and sterling sense,  
The ancient dramatist of eminence,  
The bard that paints imagination's powers,  
And him whose song revives departed hours."_

_You are a most beautiful enigma.  
-To My Asterism ⭐️_

 

Dipper read it once, twice, three times, each time a blush growing deeper on his face. He looked up and around for whoever could've left this. There was no one in sight. He clutched the rose to his chest with a small smile and disappeared back inside.

He went to the kitchen, filling up a large graduated cylinder (why did they even have that?) with water and placing the rose in it, careful to remove the card beforehand. He took both up to his room and set it just behind the lamp. He gazed at the card, "'My Asterism'. Who knows my name that could've sent this? Wendy? Ha, fat chance for wishful thinking. Besides, girls don't normally send roses to boys. So, it must be from a boy," He muttered.

His eyes widened, "Wait, it’s from a boy!? Then it’s probably for-" He cut himself off with a harsh swallow as he caught his initials below Asterism. D.P. Then there was a little heart. A star, his initials, quoting Edgar Allen Poe, it had to be for him. But who was it _from_? That was the million dollar question.

He looked at the white rose and a person came to mind, but he quickly shoved it out of his mind. Nope, not him. Not even going to go there. That snapped him out of his mental dilemma, and he shook his head with a huff, putting the card down. 

"Why should I care who it’s from? I like Wendy! And I'm not gay," He told himself sternly. He grabbed his book and went downstairs with a sigh. He flopped back in the armchair and opened it up to his previous page, but his mind kept wandering back to the rose. _You're a most beautiful enigma._

His face burned and he put his book down with a groan, wandering downstairs. The shop was nearly empty, save for Wendy at the register. The red head smiled at him, "Hey Dipper! What's up?" She asked, lazily flipping through a magazine. He let his head hit the counter, "The sky. The roof. My blood pressure," He groaned. Wendy chuckled and patted his arm, "Cheer up man. No need to be stressed," She soothed. 

Dipper sighed, "I think I have a secret admirer." Wendy raised her eyebrows, "Really? Who is it?" She prodded, putting down her magazine. Dipper glanced up at her, "I don't know. You know, _secret_ admirer? I don't think I'm supposed to know who it is," He muttered. He scrubbed a hand down his face, "This...this has never happened before. What do I do? I don't even know them, I can't very well like them!" He exclaimed. Wendy grabbed his shoulders, "Dipper. Dipper. Look at me," She ordered.

He turned his wide hazel eyes to her, and she smiled, "That's the point! It's fun to try and figure out who it is, and once you do, you take it from there. You like mysteries, right? It'll be fun, you'll see." She released him and punched him lightly on the shoulder. He took a deep breath, "But I already like someone else..." He murmured. Wendy hummed as she picked her magazine back up, "Maybe it's them," She mused, reopening it. He looked her up and down, "I don't think so," He grumbled, putting his hands in his pockets and walking back upstairs.

But Wendy was right. It was thrilling to have someone you didn't know pining after you, no pun intended. He did love mysteries... He walked over to the rose and cupped its petals gently in his hands. They were soft, not a blemish on the pristine flower. It was beautiful. Then there was the poem. It was lovely, but it showed they probably weren't close to him. That poem was all about music, and he had almost no correlation to it. But at first glance, he might seem like someone who appreciated music, and he did play the sousaphone, but he wasn't extremely passionate about it. 

It didn't really narrow down his list, but it was a start. They were also someone who was well educated. Not many retards could _spell_ oldenEnglish words, let alone quote Edgar Allen Poe. If they had been someone else, the poem would've most likely started with, "Rose are red, violets are blue..." And then Dipper would've had to respond like, "Your pride is dead, and I'd never date you." And nobody wants to do that to somebody who likes you.

But this guy-whoever the heck he was-seemed intellectual. All Dipper really ever looked for was intelligence, class, physical attractiveness, and a sense of calm and humor. Which, in essence, are what made up his two best friends. Wendy and Billy were a lot alike, and Wendy was lovely to look at. But the rose wasn't from her, and it had to be someone in Gravity Falls. 

Dipper grabbed his notebook and his pen, sitting down on his bed as he went through the list of people he knew. He wrote them down, then began crossing them out. It obviously wasn't Mabel or Stan, so they were the first to go. Wendy was next, then Soos. He didn't think the man even knew how to say some of the words on the note, besides, he was their handyman. Just...no.

He paused beside Billy's name, then shook his head and scratched it out. They were friends, Dipper felt like he would know if Billy wrote it. It wasn't his style. Tyler Cutebiker? No, he was dating Manly Dan on the sly. Toby Determined? He had an unhealthy obsession with Shondra, and Dipper didn't even want to go there. The Gnomes? Bleh, nope! McGucket was too old, so it wasn't him either. He sighed as his list dwindled.

He didn't know that many people, and a lot of people didn't know him. But most people in this town were complete (but kind) idiots, so someone like this would easily be discernable. At least, they should've been. Dipper had nothing. He took his book with a huff and went back downstairs to flop on the couch. He was determined to get immersed back into the world of New Wonderland, and he just set back into his mind as Emily had been stolen away by Chessur. 

Then he was abruptly jerked back out as pink colored claws dangled in front of his face, "Hey Dipper, what's goin' ooonnn~?" Mabel crooned. He yelped and scrambled away, "Where have you been!? And what's going on with your fingernails? You look like a wolverine!" He exclaimed, a bit cross.

Mabel giggled, "I know, right? Rawr!" She clawed at the air like a dinosaur. She hummed, flipping her hair prissily, and Dipper noticed her face was caked with makeup and her hair in a puffy updo. He nearly curled his lip up at the look, but refrained from doing so for his sister feelings. But it looked like the thing was about to jump off her head and scamper off. Mabel smiled widely at him, "I was hanging out with my new pal Gideon. He is one dapper little man," She mused, putting her hands on her hips and shaking them a little in attempt to be sassy.

Dipper put his book down, "Mabel, I don't trust anyone whose hair is bigger than their head," He stated bluntly, pointing at his own hair. Mabel rolled her eyes, "Oh leave him alone! You never wanna do girly stuff with me! You, Soos, and Billy do boy stuff all the time," She complained. Dipper tilted his head at her, "What do you mean?" He asked, confused. Just then Soos came bolting in, "Dude, you wanna blow up the rest of these hotdogs in the microwave?" He suggested. Dipper's eyes brightened and he jumped up, "Do I? Let's go!" He shouted, following Soos into the kitchen. Mabel sighed exasperatedly, walking off. 

Later that evening, when Dipper was scrubbing the remains of hotdog off the microwave plate, he realized what she meant.

 

[:•:]

 

Another rose arrived just before dinner. A white rose with a note, just like the last one. Dipper couldn't seem to keep his blushing under wraps, because Stan asked him if he had a fever at dinner. Nerves gathering in his stomach and having no appetite anyway, he lied and said he didn't feel well and went upstairs with just an apple. Once upstairs he read it again.

 

_"If you were coming in the fall,  
I hide myself within a flower,  
That I did always love.  
Have you got a brook in your little heart,  
My lovely Artic flower?"_

_As pure as the snow, you have enchanted me, My Ursa⭐️_

 

Dipper covered his mouth with a hand to hide his small smile. Emily Dickenson. One of his favorites. He jumped nearly three feet in the air when a sudden screech nearly left him deaf. "You've been getting roses!?" Mabel exclaimed. He scrambled up and clapped a hand over her mouth, "Shush! I don't want Grunkle Stan to know," He hissed pleadingly. She ripped his hand off and darted over to the nightstand, "Why not!?" She exclaimed.

Dipper blossomed scarlet and rubbed the back of his neck, "B-because it's from a guy," He mumbled. He looked up, hazel eyes wide, "If Grunkle Stan finds out...He already picks on me enough! If he thought I was _gay_ -" He cut himself off and bit his lip. Mabel raised her eyebrows just as she picked up the first card, "Well, are you?" She prodded. Dipper sighed, "I mean, I've only ever liked girls, but I suppose I'm not entirely opposed to the idea of dating a...male." He said it awkwardly, as if he was unused to the idea.

Not that he had never thought about it, because he had, but not in length and certainly not when confronted with this type of situation. Mabel squealing snapped him out of his evaluation, "And that's a good thing! This guy _really_ has a thing for you, and it'd be a shame if it couldn't be canon because of gender preference," She said matter-of-factly, reading the next one. Dipper groaned, "Mabel, you know I like-" He cut himself off, jaw clenching shut with a snap. She didn't look up, "Wendy, yeah." 

"H-how did you-!?"

"You're so obvious Bro Bro. Even Soos knows you like her, and he's a bit clueless."

Dipper deflated with a whine, "Are you serious?" He whimpered, burying his face in his hands. Mabel giggled, "Learn to whisper more quietly to yourself Broseph." Dipper groaned, "I'm dead. Just put me in a hole," He moaned, falling onto his bed in despair. Mabel grinned, waving the notes around, "But then you couldn't go out with your secret admirer!"

Dipper glanced up at her, "Mabel, I can't go out with somebody if I don't know who they are," He grumbled. Mabel hummed and sat down next to him, "Well, do you have any idea who it is?" She asked. Dipper, without looking up, handed her the notebook on his pillow. He grunted, "That's all the people I know on a semipersonal basis. I've listed then from highest possibility, to lowest," He explained quietly. Mabel scrunched up her nose at the list, "Dipper, you need to get out more. There's hardly anybody on this list."

The brunette sighed, "I know," He mumbled. Mabel rubbed her chin in thought, "Maybe it's somebody you don't know," She suggested. Dipper looked up at her, "Let's be honest Mabes; who would want to date _this_?"Dipper gestured to himself. Mabel blew a raspberry at him, "C'mon Bro Bro, quit self depre...depresic...deprish..."

"Depreciating."

"Yeah that! Quit talking down on yourself! I'm sure there's a lot of people that would want to date a super nerdy bookworm with noodle arms!"

Dipper gave her an unamused look, then let his face crash back into the covers, "Well, I can't think of anybody," He mumbled. Mabel rolled her eyes, "We'll figure it out, Dipper. Not just anybody has access to white roses. They cost a bunch, so they either have a garden or regularly go to the florist in town. That narrows it down, right?" 

Dipper glanced up again, sighing as he sat up. He took the notebook back with a small smile.

 

[:•:]

 

Brayden sighed as he walked home, tossing a quarter up and down and catching it as he thought. Today was, in his eyes, a wonderful success. He had peaked Dipper's interest, and by the way pink had slowly consumed his cheeks as he read the little notes, he'd say he had successfully started wooing the little brunette over to him.

Brayden knew the poems would impress him, just as Dipper's intellect had impressed him. Dipper, what a curious name. It sounded almost exotic. You didn't hear it every day that was for sure. "And how fitting that such a divine name would title such a rare beauty," He mused. He tipped his hat back to look at the sunset, "But I s'pose that's just me gettin' a little sappy." He chuckled.

He pursed his lips, "He's so splendidly perfect, I don't know if I even have a chance once I reveal myself." He blew out a breath like a tired horse, then sighed heavily, "I want to hold him, to watch the stars with him, comfort him when he's down. Dear lord, he's got me wrapped around his little fingers and he doesn't know me yet."

He came in sight of their house and saw Gideon about to go inside. He broke into a jog and waved, "Gid!" He called. The smaller white haired male whipped around with a hum. Brayden stopped in front of him, "How'd it go?" He asked. Gideon smiled, "I asked her to watch the sunrise with me tomorrow, and then I'll ask her out. How did ya fare, brother?" 

Brayden tightened his ponytail, "I got him intrigued. My charm precedes me in my poems, because he was blushin' like blooming rose," He replied with a grin. Gideon rolled his eyes with a chuckle, going inside. Brayden sighed dreamily. Soon.

 

[:•:]

 

The next day Dipper woke up with Mabel gone. He brushed it off, assuming she had already gone off to do her own thing. He got up and walked over to get ready. Just as the doorbell rang. Without even thinking, he scrambled downstairs to the door, flinging it open. Just as he expected, a white rose with a card sat on the mat once more. This guy sure was persistent, much like himself, he'd admit. He carefully took the note off and read it.

 

_"For he is untouchable,  
A sweet teardrop on a tree,  
Because it's more than visible,  
How he makes my heart feel free."_

_You are my wings, My Darling Vision ⭐️_

 

Dipper didn’t like to admit that he didn't know the author of this one. However, that made it no less enthralling. Whoever was sending him these got it right when they tried to capture his affections with mystery. Because it was working. He gave a small smile, going back upstairs to place it with the others.

A few hours later Mabel came back with a troubled expression. Dipper suggested that they play video games, mainly just wanting to get her mind off whatever was bothering her. She ended up telling him anyway. She was successfully beating the utter crap out of his character, when Billy came in. She sighed, not seeing him at first, "It's not a _date_ date, you know? I just thought I'd throw him a bone."

Dipper shook his head with a smile, not seeing Billy either, "Mabel, guys don't work that way. He's gonna fall in love with you," He told her. Mabel scoffed, "Oh come on, I'm not that lovable." Dipper jumped as Billy put a hand on his shoulder, and Mabel finally blew him up. "Kaboom! Yes!" 

Dipper deadpanned, "Okay, we agree on something here," He muttered. Billy laughed, "Sorry about that, Shorts."Dipper rolled his eyes and put the controller down just as the doorbell rang. Both the twins bolted up, "I'll get it!" They chorused, then paused to stare at one another. Then Mabel shoved Dipper back down and shot off to the door. Billy helped the boy up with a laugh, and he straightened his hat with a huff, "Rude."

He got up and peeked into the shop just in time to see Mabel fall back with a squeal. A white horse neighed at her and Gideon held out a hand to her. He smirked, "A night if enchantment awaits, Milady," He said with a wink. Mabel gave him a weak smile, "Oh boy."

Dipper shook his head with a chuckle, "She never listens to me," He lamented to Billy as they walked into the shop again. The door shut behind the horse, and the duo walked over to where Wendy sat. Wendy grinned and set her magazine down, "Whaddup dudes?" She greeted, doing that (stupid) handshake with Billy. Dipper puffed out his cheeks and averted his eyes, miffed. Did everybody know how to do that but him!?

Wendy turned and gave him a fist bump, and nodded her head with a knowing smile, "So, did you figure it out yet?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows. Dipper blushed and scuffed his shoe on the floor dejectedly, "No. But I'm close! I think," He muttered. Just then the doorbell rang yet again. Dipper's eyes widened, "I'll get it!" He scrambled over to the door and flung it open. Another rose. He plucked it up and slid off the card.

Billy gave him a confused glance then turned to Wendy, "What was that about?" He asked curiously. The red head smirked, nodding at the blush now creeping up Dipper's ears as he held the rose tighter to his chest, "Dip's been getting roses with poetry on them from an anonymous admirer. They come three times a day from what I've seen. One in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one in the evening. Mabel said they all some really old classical poetry written with a little sappy nickname at the bottom. He blushes every time he reads one," She explained.

Billy's head whipped back to Dipper, who was now smiling softly at the card. His eyes flashed, "Has he figured out who it is yet?" He asked absently. Wendy shook her head, "Nah, but it’s frustrating the hell out of him. Whoever they are though, they know how to play, because they're succeeding at wooing him over bit by bit with that element of mystery. Kid can't help himself," She said with a chuckle. Billy scowled at the ground, "That's just _great_ ," He bit out. Wendy glanced at him, then grinned slyly, "Ya know, I'm kind of glad he's starting to move on from me. It's a little weird, with how obvious he was being. But he's a great friend, and I had no intention of-"

"Good. Because I called motherfucking dibs." Billy's eyes widened and he abruptly slapped a hand over his own mouth. Wendy grinned and giggled, "So I was right! You do have a little thing for him!" She squealed quietly. Billy glared at her, "Hence the word 'little'. But c'mon, look at him! He's so adorable it's not even funny," He whispered highpitchedly. Wendy hummed, "I'll admit, he is pretty cute. Isn't he like three years younger than you though?" 

Billy gave her an exasperated look, "I know for a fact that there's an eleven year difference between your dad and Tyler. Age doesn't matter when you’re old apparently. Eleven years are completely fine when your _forty_ , but three years when you're a teenager and everybody flips tables! What is wrong with humanity," He ranted quietly. Wendy chuckled and rubbed the back if her neck sheepishly, "Yeah, Dad's pretty... independent from society, I should say. And I'm not saying it's wrong, I was just asking. If you really want him, I'll support you, and I'll let him down easy if he bounces back." She winked, and Billy smiled weakly with relief.

Dipper had been inspecting the rose petals, when he sucked in a sharp breath. He pulled out a small cloth bracelet studded with several different colored gemstones. Sapphire, jade, jasper, quarts, and _diamonds_. Actually diamonds they size of bullets. It looked handcrafted too. Who the heck was this guy!?

He quickly went upstairs, Billy starting and following after him, "Whoa Dipper, you okay man?" He called. The brunette gave a distracted hum, quickly putting the rose with the others and placing the card on the desk. He sat on his bed, inspecting the bracelet once more. Several strands of shimmering strings held the gemstones, all of which were a bit rough and the holes a bit too big in the middle where they were crafted into beads and strung on the bracelet. It tied off at the end with a white ribbon with light blue edging. Dipper held it up to the light, watching it sparkle. 

He bit his lip, then slid it on, "Who has enough money to craft their own beads from precious stones and gems? And who the heck is that cultured? I don't know if anybody in town actually knows how to tie their shoes," He murmured. "I'm going to choose not to take offense to that," Billy mused from the doorway. Dipper jumped and the blond chuckled, coming in and sitting next to him, "I see you've got a fanbase." He nodded to the roses. Dipper turned pink, "W-well it's just one person, and I don't know who it is," He admitted.

He then stood and went over to the roses, cupping one gently in his hands, "It has to be someone literate and male, they have a garden or frequent the flower shop, and they come from quite a bit of wealth. Any ideas?" He asked absentmindedly. Billy shook his head, "If it's a boy, no. There aren't that many people in Gravity Falls who're literate and or wealthy. You should have a pretty small pool, Shorts," Billy pointed out. Dipper sighed in a frustrated manner, "Yeah, yet I still can't figure out who he is."

Billy tilted his head at him, clenching his fists behind his back, "Do you really want to?" He asked. Dipper hesitated, smiling shyly at the roses as his hands brought the rose closer, "Yes." He breathed. Suddenly all the roses burst into flame, bright blue licking at the petals. Dipper yelped as his fingers got caught in the flames, dropping the rose back to rest as its petals blackened and curled. Billy's eyes widened and he bolted up, taking Dipper's hands in his, looking over his blistered fingers.

Dipper hissed, and whimpered as he saw the roses were burnt to nothing but ash and blackened leaves. Billy winced and shook his head, "Sorry, sor... I-I'm sorry." Dipper turned and shook out his hands, "Why're you sorry? I'm the one that left the lantern open," He said, batting the still smoldering flowers away to get to the light that was indeed opened and on. He turned the knob and the little orange flame went out, smoking with the rest of the makeshift wicks.

Dipper sucked in a breath through his teeth, his stinging fingers beginning to throb. He shook them and stuck them in his mouth, hoping to cool the burning. Billy swore, sweeping the remains into the floor, then turning to Dipper. He paused, swallowing harshly. Then he stepped forward and took the boy's wrist, taking his hand away from his lips, "Let’s, uh, not do that. It makes it worse," He mumbled, stepping away and going into their bathroom to rummage through their cabinets. He came back with a little bottle, gently nudging Dipper to sit on the bed. 

The brunette moved his hands when Billy made to grab them, "What's that?" He asked warily. The teen flicked open the cap, "Aloe gel. It'll soothe the burning and make the swelling go down," He explained, taking Dipper's hands. He squeezed some out onto the boy's fingers, prodding to spread it over the red skin. Dipper tensed, but then sighed as the burning dimmed, leaving a dull ache behind, and the feel of Billy's hands on his. He blushed as Billy wrapped little pieces of yellow cloth (where did those come from?) around his fingers, muttering to himself.

"Supposed to be an act...in too deep...get ahold of yourself...this kid...sorry, since...when."

Dipper tilted his head curiously, then winced as Billy tied the last one a bit too tight. The blond glanced at him, "Sorry," He said quickly. Then he grit his teeth, as if angry with himself. Dipper sighed with a small smile, "You're alright, Billy." He then stood, flexing his hands a bit before going for the door. He glanced behind him, "Um, thanks. You know, for fixing my hands. Do you wanna come play video games?" He asked tentatively. The blond blinked, then grinned, standing, "I would love to, Dippy," He affirmed, laughing when he got to the door and Dipper punched him on the shoulder.

They went downstairs and set up the game again, Billy beating Dipper six games to two before they both got bored and sat the table looking through the journal for something to do. Dipper pointed, "We could go look for the lepricorns," He suggested. Billy hummed, "They're like gnomes though, just more cute and angry."

The door opened and closed, and Mabel came in holding a lobster. Dipper looked up, "Hey! How was it?" He asked. Mabel sighed, "I dunno. I have a lobster now," She muttered, putting it in the fish tank and watching it swim around. Dipper smiled, "Well at least it’s over and you'll never have to go out with him again." Mabel poked the tank with a dejected face. Billy glanced between them, a bit confused. Dipper frowned at Mabel, "It's over, right?" 

"Mrgh..."

"Mabel."

"Blargh!" She wailed, flailing her arms as she turned around, "He asked me out again and I didn't know how to say no!" Dipper scoffed, "Like this: no!" Mabel sighed, "It's not that easy Dipper. And I do like Gideon! As a friend slash little sister! I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I just need to get things back to the way they used to be. You know, friends," She said, sitting down next to Dipper. Dipper hummed, "Uh huh, good luck with that. Saying 'we can still be friends!' is like saying 'hey, the dog died but we can still keep it!'" He said knowingly, putting his nose back in the journal.

Billy held up his hands, "Whoa, hold up. You're going out with Gideon? As in Gideon _Gleeful_? Not to be rude, but," He paused to suck in a breath, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?" Mabel shrunk back from him, then straightened up with a glare, "Probably the same thing you were when you sang karaoke of Skull Fracture," She retorted. Billy turned pink, then held up a finger, "Below the belt, Sweaters. Well played," He muttered. The twins shook off their own blushes at the memory, then Mabel sighed, "I don't know. I'll just, um, friendzone him tonight at the dance I guess. Keep it in the sandbox, stay away from the jungle gym," She said firmly.

Billy raised an eyebrow and glanced at Dipper, who shrugged. Mabel then turned and went upstairs, and Dipper went back to looking for something to do. A shriek sounded from upstairs, and Dipper flinched back into Billy, almost toppling off his chair as yelling soon followed. "DIPPER PINES WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ROSES!?" Dipper groaned, "Hide me." 

 

[:•:]

 

The next day Dipper received his roses like normal, and Mabel paced and tried to get ready for her date with Gideon. By the time evening arrived, they were both ready to tear their hair out. Dipper was scribbling furiously in his notebook, looking at a rather thick version of Yellow Pages, and Mabel finally just threw on a sweater and left. Dipper finally just went downstairs to talk Wendy and Soos since Billy had stayed home to work on his truck since the transmission started leaking. In this summer heat, you kinda had to have air conditioning. 

It struck Dipper as he sat on the barrel next to the cash register reading one of Wendy's magazines, how close he and Billy has gotten over such a short period of time. It was strange to think that he now thought of Billy as his best friend, someone he could put his trust in and someone who would confide in him. 

Suddenly Stan came in with a confused look and a newspaper, "Hey! What the jackal is Mabel doing in the paper next to that crazy pickpocket Gideon?" He demanded. Wendy perked up at the thought of gossip, "Oh yeah, it's like a big deal. Everyone's talking about Gideon and Mabel's big date tonight," She explained, showing Stan an article on her phone. The old man spluttered, "WHAT!? That little shyster is dating my great-niece!?" He snarled. Soos hummed, "I wonder the name for the new power couple will be. Mabieon? Gideable? Oh! Make it Beleon!" He exclaimed happily. Stan fumed and slammed the newspaper down, storming out of the shop. Dipper scrambled to his knees on the barrel, "I didn't know, I didn't hear about it! Plus, I told her not to!" he called, only then realized he'd just exposed himself.

Stan came back dressed in his suit, striding angrily across the shop, "Yeah, well it ends tonight! I'm going right down to that little skunk's house and this is gonna stop _right_ now!" Then he slammed the door behind him. Silence permeated the room, pregnant and heavy. Soos broke it, "Dudes, wouldn't it be funny if that was a closet, and he had to come back in and walk out the real door?" They just stared at him. He walked over and opened the door, then frowned, "Nope, real door." Dipper rolled his eyes, hopping down from the barrel to go back upstairs. The doorbell rang, and he raced to it on instinct.

He threw it open, hoping to catch a glimpse of this mystery boy, but the single white rose was all he got. He picked it up.

_"I had no being but in thee,  
The world, and all it did contain,  
In the earth, the air, the sea."_

_You are all the world to me, My Starling ⭐️_

He took it up to his room, sighing heavily. He clutched the rose tightly as he put it with the other two, making sure the lantern was closed this time. He stared at the card with narrowed eyes, "Who are you?" He demanded. It didn't answer, and he didn't really expect it to. He groaned, flopping backwards on his bed, then abruptly sitting back up. He grabbed his hat again and tugged it on, standing. He wasn't going to obsess over some guy who couldn't even show his face. Nope, not when he had friends he could talk to _face to face_. He pulled on his shoes, "I'm so done with this," He grumbled, kicking his notebook across the room.

In reality, he knew he was acting like a spoiled child who didn't get their way, and the fact that he couldn't figure out who it was didn't mean he had a right to hate the guy before he'd even met him. But he didn't want reality right now, he wanted have fun. So he stormed out of the shack and started for Billy's. He kicked pebbles as he went, huffing and shoving his hands in his pockets as he turned down the gravel road. He perked up when he heard clanging and the familiar sound of the blond swearing. A hiss sounded just as he rounded the corner, and he saw Billy's boots and jeans scuffing the ground, his top half hidden by the truck and the black smoke now coming out from under it. 

"Fuck!"

Dipper wandered over just Billy pulled himself out from under the truck, coughing hysterically. He stumbled away from it and right into Dipper, jerking back away on instinct. Then he saw who it was and relaxed, grinning, "Hey Dipper! What's up?" He asked, wiping his hands off on a rag. Dipper gave him a once over, taking in the light blue tank top he had on, and his oil smeared face and arms. A cut the length of Dipper's pinkie dribbled blood onto his cheek from underneath his eye, but it look shallow. The brunette shook his head with a fond smile, "Nothing new, I suppose. I take it you're having trouble?" He gestured at the truck. Billy sneered at it, tucking the rag into his back pocket, "Ah, I fixed the transmission, but then I saw the oil valve was cracked. I tried to meld it shut with some copper, but that stuff's got more conductivity than a lightning bolt." He shook his head with a huff.

Dipper snickered, and Billy cast him a playful glare. Dipper smiled and tilted his head, "You got a lighter?" He asked, holding out his hand. Billy held up a finger and dug around in his pockets, taking out a black and gold speckled lighter and handing it to him. Dipper nodded and snatched the rag from the teen's pocket and ducked under the truck, waving away smoke. A hum, a rip, and a flick later, Dipper yelped and scrambled back out, patting down his hat. He then straightened and handed Billy his lighter, "There. I fixed the crack, and straightened the valve. Try it," He urged.

Billy gave him an incredulous look, but walked over to the driver side anyway, opening the door to the cab. Frank Sinatra poured out, and Dipper raised an eyebrow. Billy cranked the truck, but instead of a rumbling roar, it started in a vibrating purr, and Billy's eyes widened. He looked up to see Dipper grinning at him. He returned the favor, "This is awesome, Shorts! It hasn't run this well since before I bought it!" He exclaimed. He motioned for Dipper to get inside, and the twelve year old laughed, hopping in the passenger seat. 

Billy shoved it into drive, and gave Dipper a sly smirk, "There's a field a block or two down the trail behind the house," He said suggestively. Dipper beamed back, "I think we should go test it out, don't you?" He replied easily. Billy let out a cackle, "Let's go rip up some grass!" He slammed his boot down on the gas pedal, and Dipper squeaked as they spun, spitting up gravel before shooting around the house and into a narrow path carved through the trees at its rear. Dipper quickly found that by buckling his seatbelt, he'd find the whole experience immensely more enjoyable. 

He was laughing by the time the rocketed into the sort of marshy field Billy had said was there, and the blond let out a wolf-like howl as he jerked the wheel and sent them both twirling through the grass and sending clumps of dirt and weeds flying across the entire field. Dipper joined in, both of them howling as Billy sent the truck into figure eights and donuts, marring the green field with tire tracks. Dipper's head was spinning by the time Billy finally stopped, skidding sideways to the middle of the field. Dipper giggled dizzily, putting a hand to his head. They both sat there for a moment, chests heaving with left over adrenaline, and Frank Sinatra playing softly in the background. 

Dipper sighed happily, "I knew coming here was a good idea." Billy glanced at him, "What do you mean?" He asked curiously. Dipper blushed slightly, "Well, I always have fun when I'm around you. Mabel normally is my go to, but she's out on a date, and even if she was here, she'd just want to talk about who was sending the roses and..." He sighed, closing his eyes briefly, "I just don't wanna deal with it. I'm so done," He grumbled. Billy paused, then snickered.

He then put a hand on Dipper's shoulder and squeezed reassuringly, "Well, you've got my address if you ever get 'so done' with anything else." Dipper snorted and shoved him playfully. Billy chuckled, then hummed, "You know, you did a pretty good job fixing the valve." Dipper looked at him, tilting his head. The blond smiled softly, "The back windows don't roll down."

Dipper grinned, "We can fix that."

 

[:•:]

 

Dipper came home completely covered in oil.Well, _most_ of it was oil. Other stains were grease, dirt, Dr. Pepper, and sweat. Billy's truck now had been reupholstered, oil changed, transmission fluid replaced, door jams tightened and realigned so the windows wouldn't get stuck, and they found out while taking a break, that Dr. Pepper was great for getting rid of rust.

IQ, as Billy had named his truck, thinking the name hilarious for some reason Dipper couldn't grasp, looked spick and span. There were still a few things that could be improved, but Billy said he liked it the way it was. Dipper wandered into the kitchen to grab a water, and Stan choked on his coffee at seeing him. He banged in his chest a bit, coughing as Dipper shut the fridge with his foot. Stan raised an eyebrow, "Whoa, what happened to you?" He asked.

Dipper unscrewed the cap and took a sip before speaking, "I went over to Billy's and helped him work on his truck. It looks pretty good if I do say so myself. He even taught me how to start up the engine without the keys and how to change a tire," He chirped, happy but tired. Stan blinked a few times, slowly. Then he huffed and took another sip of coffee, "The kid's not half bad. Glad you're learning somethin' from him," He mumbled, but Dipper could see a little smile quirk his lips.

Dipper chuckled, taking another drink. He almost spit it out when he saw what his Grunkle was wearing. He spluttered, "Grunkle Stan, why're you wearing a shirt that says Team Gideon?" He squeaked. Stan glanced down, "Hm? Oh! Yeah, Bud's calling me back in a while about our agreement. Business endeavors, you know?" He replied, and Dipper noticed he wasn't reading the newspaper like usual, but actually reading a contract. Dipper paled, "Heh, yeah... I gotta go, uh-"

"Take a shower. You stink."

Dipper laughed nervously, "Yes. Bye!" He yelped then bolted upstairs. He actually did grab a towel for a shower, because he was gross, but he muttered to himself along the way. He shook his head and groaned, "Mabel's not going to be happy about this," He murmured, dragging a hand down his face. He locked himself in the bathroom, laying his towel on the back of the toilet before starting the water and stripping. He stepped carefully into the shower, hissing as the hot water hit his skin, briefly burning before he got used to it.

He sighed, relaxing into the warm spray watching the dirt swirl around on the floor of the tub and suck down the drain as he thought. His mind wandered aimlessly as he grabbed the shampoo and tipped his head back, letting the water soak his hair. He hummed, closing his eyes as he massaged the soap into his scalp. His thoughts drifted back to the roses. He had really overreacted to not being able to figure out who it was. His volatile thoughts weren't really called for. The mystery boy hadn't been anything but teeth-rotteningly sweet, and well, Dipper couldn't deny he was interested.

He then started as he began to see red flush down the drain as well. His brow furrowed, and he took his hands away from his hair to see that the suds had been dyed red. _Blood_. But he hadn't hurt himself today at all! He brought a hand back up to his head and realized, it was coming from his _hands_. His burnt fingers were seeping blood, too much blood, and it was _filling up the fucking tub_. 

He began to panic, hysteria rising in his throat as he tried to rinse his hands, only to realize the spray had turned red as well. Dipper slipped and fell, crying out as he struck his hip on the floor. He blinked the blood out of his eyes, tears beginning to well as his breathing elevated. It hitched when he felt something grab his ankle, and his head jerked up to see a black, skeletal, claw reaching up from the drain and inching up his leg. More dripping blackness followed as it pulled itself up, and a single, bright blue eye blinked at him through the blackness that was beginning to mix with the red.

Dipper's voice caught in his throat, terror gripping his lungs as suddenly a jagged mouth split the blackness beneath the eye. " _ **Be CaLm LiTtLe TrEe, I wOn'T hUrT yOu~**_ " Its echoy voice cooed, another hand latching onto his other leg. It grinned maniacally at him, " _ **JuSt EvErYoNe ElSe...**_ " It whispered. Dipper finally found his voice, letting out a hysterical scream and thrashing in the bloody tub to try and get away from the creature.

Footsteps pounded up the stairs, and banging sounded on the door, "Dipper, kid! Are you alright!?" Stan called. Dipper looked to the door wildly between the wall and the curtain, opening his mouth to call for help, when he turned back to the creature, only to find it gone. The tub was clean and white, the water was clear, the drain was empty. He gasped quietly, blinking rapidly and noticing he was kneeling on the floor of the tub, a small little cut on his forefinger. He noticed he hadn't taken his bracelet off before getting in the shower, and one of the more rough stones had knicked him.

He swallowed harshly, "Yeah. Sorry, I slipped and fell. The edge of the tub got me, but I'm fine," He called back hoarsely. Stan paused, "You didn't have another episode, did you? You're taking your medicine?" Dipper's hands shook as he blinked the excess tears away, "Yes. I'm fine."

Stan hesitated for a moment or two more, as if he could sense the lie, but then sighed and walked back downstairs, "Be more careful kid," He grumbled. Dipper nodded even though Stan couldn't see him. He took in a shuddering breath, trying to calm down. He didn't understand, he'd been taking his medicine, and besides, anxiety attacks didn't feel like that. You don't normally hallucinate during those, and if you do, they're never that vivid. He could still feel its hands on his legs...

He shook his head, standing up and quickly finishing his shower, keeping a wary eye on the drain the whole time. He got out and got dressed for bed, taking the journal in hand and looking for something about blood showers and things that came out of drains. He didn't find anything promising, but he did find a page that depicted a sketch of a similar looking stone to what Dipper had on his bracelet. It was blue with little shining flecks, called 'the heavenly stone' or lapis lazuli. 

Dipper ran his newly bandaged finger across the lines, "'Known for being extremely rare, it is called the heavenly stone because of its starry look, and magical properties. Ancients believed that it could grant one solace over the mind, giving talents of telekinesis, telepathy, and even visions of the future to the holder. The larger the stone, the greater the power. I have found a small cave beneath the ground of Gravity Falls that holds amazing quantities of this stone. Lapis is not local to Oregon, and has never been found in such abundance,'" He read softly. 

He reread it, then looked at the stone on his bracelet again. He studied it, "Telekinesis, telepathy, and visions of the future..." He trailed off, brow furrowing. His mind flashed back to the figure in the shower. He shuddered, "Visions of the future? What kind of future involves _that_?" He snapped the journal shut with a sigh, rubbing his temples. He got up and went downstairs with the journal, walking past the living room.

"He's so nice...But I can't keep doing this...But I can't break his heart...Ah, I have no way out!"

Dipper turned on heel and went back to the living where Mabel was pacing with a panicked look. He raised an eyebrow, "What the heck happened on that date?" He inquired. Mabel turned to him, "I don't know! One minute, I was in the friendzone; the next, he's pulling me into the romance zone! It was like quicksand. Chubby quicksand," She hissed, gripping Dipper's shirt.

Dipper grabbed her shoulders and shook her a bit, "Mabel calm down. It's not like you're gonna have to marry Gideon." Mabel blew out a breath, relaxing a bit. She nodded slowly, calming herself down. Stan then strutted in, smiling widely, "Great news! Mabel, you have to marry Gideon!" Dipper facepalmed. Mabel let out a surprised squawk, and Stan nodded, "Bud just called me back. Its part our long term deal. There's a lot of cash tied up in this thing. Plus, I got this shirt!" He motioned to his torso. Then he frowned and huffed, "Man, I am fat."

Mabel sucked in a breath, "AAAHHH!" She wailed, running screaming from the room and bolting up the stairs. Stan blinked, "Bodies change, honey! Bodies change," He said grimly. Dipper shot his Grunkle a glare and went after Mabel. He reached the attic to find her ankles to forehead in her sweater. He cringed, recognizing her coping mechanism, "Oh no. Mabel," He called softly. The ball of rocking yarn paused, "Mabel's not here. She's in sweater town," She replied woefully. Dipper walked closer, "Are you gonna come out of sweater town?" He prodded with a little smile. Mabel whimpered and shook her head. Dipper sighed and knelt down in front of her, "Okay, look. Enough is enough. I-If you can't break up with Gideon, then...I'll do it for you," He said firmly.

Mabel peeked out from her sweater, her brown eyes shining, "You will?" She whispered. Dipper nodded, and she grinned, launching herself out of her sweater to tackle him in a hug. She punched him playfully a few times, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Dipper chuckled, shoving her, "Alright, alright." They grinned at one another, and Dipper helped her up. He flicked her playfully, "Time for bed. Go to sleep, I'll take care of everything tomorrow," He assured her. Mabel hummed happily and got ready for bed quickly, snuggling under her covers and cutting off the lantern, "Goodnight Dipstick. Thank you," She murmured.

Dipper grunted, turning on his side. Mabel's even breathing soon filled the attic, but Dipper stayed up, eyes glazed and glued to the wall.

"Visions of the future."

What did the future hold?

 

[:•:] 

 

The next day Dipper was practically swamped with roses, now coming in bushels at the doorstep. Instead of poems, they now came with short story books, and Dipper barely had space in his bookshelf for them all. Whoever the guy was, he was either very attentive, or a good guesser, since they were all little books Dipper had mentioned to some as his favorites. Dipper didn't know whether to be disconcerted or swooning. He went with a little bit of both.

When evening came once more, Mabel led Dipper out through town to the place she was supposed to meet Gideon for their date. It was a red leather upholstered building in the shape of a clover, yellow lights branded across the top, spelling out 'The Club' in cursive letters. Dipper blew out a breath, "This kid has got connections," He muttered. Mabel wrung her hands together, "Well?" Dipper glanced at her, then shook his head, tugging his hat down determinedly and marching inside. He relaxed once inside, putting his hands in his vest pockets. He looked around, quickly finding a white bouffant above a rather large menu and against a tall red club shaped seat-throne-thing. 

Dipper walked over and cleared his throat. Gideon looked up, then blinked in slight confusion, "Oh, hello. Dipper Pines. You look good, you look good. Are you here for anybody or...?" He trailed off, glancing around as if looking for someone. Dipper assumed it was Mabel. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "Thanks, you uh... No. Look, we need to talk." He blew out a breath, "Mabel won't be joining you tonight. She, uh, doesn't want to see you anymore. She's kinda weirded out by you. No offense," He added quickly. Gideon froze, the confused smile widening just a bit as his eye twitched, "So what you're saying is," He began quietly, "You've come between us," He hissed through grit teeth. Alarms rang in Dipper's head, and backed away a little, "You're not gonna, like, freak out, are you?" He asked uneasily.

A pause. Gideon giggled, waving his hand dismissively, picking his menu back up, "Of course not! By gones, you know," He answered sweetly. Dipper sighed, "Alright then. Again, sorry man, but thumbs up, huh? Plenty of other fish in the sea." _Not that they'd want to date you either_. Dipper kept that to himself. Gideon nodded and Dipper walked away.

Gideon's eyes darkened, "Thumbs up indeed my friend." He set down his menu, getting up and stalking out the back door. Plenty of fish in the sea, that's what he'd tell Brayden. He could find a different hazel eyed boy to obsess over, one that wasn't a corrupting dickwad. He stormed into his house, slamming his door behind him. Brayden was out, planting his roses again, leaving Gideon alone to seethe in his rage. He sat down at the vanity, breathing heavily as he grasped his amulet, "Dipper Pines," He snarled, the lights popping as the furniture began to rise, "You've just made the biggest mistake of your life!"

He stood abruptly and slammed his hands down, crashing the dresser and nightstand into the floor, clothes and guitar picks scattering everywhere. His door swung open to reveal a stern looking Bud, "Gideon Charles Gleeful! Clean your room up this instant!" He demanded. Gideon whirled on him, "I CAN BUY AND SELL YOU OLD MAN!" He screeched. Bud shrunk down, "Fair enough," He muttered with a shrug. Suddenly he was moved aside and sharp blue eyes cut into Gideon's, a piece of grass poking from in-between frowning lips. Brayden rolled the strand between his teeth, walking in calmly and snapping his fingers, "Gid, clean it up. Ain't no use in bein' destructive," He scolded, going to sit on his bed.

Gideon scowled at him for a few moments, then sighed, reluctantly whirling his fingers. The furniture pieced itself back together and flew back to its rightful space in the room. Brayden smiled and leaned over to nudge Gideon's shoulder, "'M proud of ya. You're getting the hang of your anger," He chirped cheerfully, going back to tuning his guitar. Gideon averted his eyes and clenched his fists. Brayden would be heartbroken. His eyes caught the calendar on the wall over his bed, and they flashed. Brayden would get over it.

 

[:•:]

 

Dipper bounced off Soos' stomach with Mabel, laughing as Billy rolled his eyes at them from the couch. Mabel sighed, "I'm glad everything's back to normal." Dipper hummed in agreement. The phone's shrill shriek sounded from inside the shack, and they both jerked up. 

"Your turn!"

"Your- Aw man!"

Dipper huffed and got up, going inside and picking up the phone as Billy shouted for Mabel to try a backflip. He put it to his ear as he watched them fondly, "Hello?"

"Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper."

Dipper straightened, "Oh. Hey, man. Sorry for accusing you of, uh, murder last week," He answered with a wince. Toby scoffed, "Water under the bridge. Say, we want to interview you about anything strange you've seen in this here town since you arrived."

Dipper's eyes lit up, "Oh finally! I thought no one else noticed! I have a lot of notes and theories," He rambled excitedly. Toby chuckled awkwardly, "Your interview will take place at 412 Gopher Road at seven. Don’t be late." The reporter warned, then hanging up. Dipper copied the address down onto a piece of paper, grinning. Then his normal paranoia reared its ugly head. 

Why would they interview a kid from the city about anomalies they refused to acknowledge exists? He shook it off and went upstairs to get ready; nothing was going to ruin this. His stupid anxiety wouldn't keep him from going. He really should've listened to it.

 

[:•:]

 

At six thirty he headed downstairs, straightening his vest. He turned to Mabel, who sat atop the counter, "How do I look?" He asked. She smiled, "Spick and span Broseph! Good luck with the interview," She sang, swinging her legs. Dipper blushed, grinning shyly as he strode out of the house. Someone was finally listening to him! He hummed as he walked around, going to Gopher Road and starting up the path, twisting through the trees.

He frowned briefly, but paused upon seeing a large red building on the edge of a cliff, the lights on. He glanced at the mailbox and the address he'd written on his hand. Yep, 412. He trotted up to the warehouse door, knocking and opening the door. No lights were on, which was strange, because he could've sworn he'd seen some in the windows coming up. He ventured tentatively in, "Hello?" He called. He jumped as the door slammed shut behind him, locking with a click. Dipper turned back around to see a row of lights come on one at a time, the last one stopping on a black leather chair. It spun around to reveal Gideon, petting a plushie doll of himself, "Hello, friend."

Dipper paused, then rolled his eyes, "Ugh, Gideon." He crossed his arms with a raised eyebrow. Gideon fiddled with the doll's arms, "Dipper Pines, how long you been living in this town? A week, two?" His voice dropped an octave, "Enjoying the _scenery_?" He hissed. Dipper gave him a reproachful look, "What do you want from me, man?" He inquired. Gideon leaned forward with a chubby finger jabbed in his direction, "Listen carefully, boy. This town has secrets you couldn't even _begin_ to comprehend."

Dipper decided to ignore that. He uncrossed his arms to place his hands on his hips, "Is this about Mabel? I told you; she's not into you!" He exclaimed, exasperated. The younger male slammed his fists down, "Liar! You turned her against me!" He howled. He stood up and grabbed his tie, "She was my peach dumpling!" Dipper backed up, "Look man-"

He was cut off as Gideon sent him flying with an invisible force and a turquoise aura. Dipper crashed back into the pile of merchandise, crying out as he tumbled to the ground. Gideon giggled, "Readin' minds isn't all I can do," He purred. Dipper spluttered, struggling to sit up, "B-but you're a fake," He protested weakly, shocked to see the dressed up stone around his neck. Lapis. Gideon tipped his head with a hum, "Oh, tell me Dipper. _Is this fake?_ " 

Meanwhile, back at the shack Billy came into the shop where Mabel was playing with a bouncy ball, "Hey Mabes. Have you seen Shorts?" He asked. Mabel grunted, "He went to go to some interview with Gravity Falls Gossiper. He was real excited about it. He put the address down on a piece of paper upstairs; he probably wouldn't mind if you showed up to support," She replied distractedly, seeming to be thinking hard about something. 

She glanced over at the teen, "Do you think it was wrong to send Dipper to break up with Gideon for me? Because the more I think about it, the more I think I was being unfair. He deserves an honest breakup," She mumbled. Billy scoffed, "That twerp doesn’tdeserve anything but a swift kick in his oversized ass." Mabel shot him an unamused look, and he flinched, grinning sheepishly, "Heh, sorry. It slipped," He murmured. His brow furrowed then, "You said Dip was at an interview?" He asked. Mabel slid off the counter, "Yep. I'm gonna go find Gideon and tell him myself. Tell Grunkle Stan I'll be back in time for dinner, okay?" She called as she left.

Billy didn’t bother to go tell her Stan was at Buddy Gleeful's house. He was preoccupied, "An interview with a twelve year old at seven o clock at night. That doesn't sound right," He grumbled, shaking his head as he went upstairs. He slipped into the attic and rummaged through Dipper's nightstand, finding a little crinkled bit of paper with Dipper's hasty handwriting. Billy frowned, "412 Goph..." He trailed off, his eyes widening. He slammed the paper down and cursed, "That's Gideon's family factory!" He grabbed his keys and scrambled down the stairs and out the door. 

He jumped in his truck, starting it with a grimace, "Hold on Shorts, I'm coming," He muttered absently, slamming the gas.

At the warehouse, Dipper dived out of the way of a bookshelf just in time for it not to kill him. Gideon cackled evilly, and Dipper rolled, slamming into the wall with a gasp of pain. He rubbed his head with a hiss, opening his eyes to scowl at the other boy, "Stan was right about you! You are a monster!" He yelled. Gideon smirked triumphantly, "Your sister will be mine!" He crowed, raising his hand again and sending more stuff toward Dipper. He dodged again, spotting a pair of lamb shears inside a box. 

He grunted and broke them out, running at a distracted Gideon with a war cry. Gideon whirled and raised his hand abruptly, sending Dipper up with a yelp, making him drop the shears and ruining his plan to lop off that stupid hair. Dipper shook his head, "She's never gonna date you, man!" He yelled. Gideon sneered, "That's a lie!" He looked at the shears and grinned, "And I'm gonna make sure you never lie to me again, friend."

Dipper suddenly found himself forced to his knees in midair, his mouth being pried open. Gideon chuckled darkly, "I can see why he liked you. You would've made an excellent omega," He sneered mockingly. The brunette tried to move, but could only manage a pitiful shake of his shoulders. Suddenly the doors swung open and two people walked in, causing both boys to freeze. Mabel stalked forward, and a boy Dipper had never met with long white hair in a ponytail and ice blue eyes scowled at Gideon. 

His skin was dark, a farmer's tan from the leather band around his wrist, and he wore a beaded cowboy hat with cowboy boots, faded Levis tucked into them, and a white collared shirt over the jeans, half covered by a black leather jacket. He had a strong jawline for someone his age, and he couldn't have been much older than Dipper. "Gid!" He barked, a southern drawl even more prominent than Gideon's making itself known. Gideon flushed and stammered, "B-Brayden!" He squeaked. The taller boy stopped and crossed his arms, "Put the poor thing down! You're scarin' him!" 

Gideon opened and closed his mouth, stuttering for a moment, "But he- you- Mabel- his fault!" Brayden glared, "I don't care whose fault it is! What did we talk about? Ya promised me you would work on it. Does this look like workin' on it?" He demanded, gesturing to Dipper. Gideon finally growled and released his amulet, letting Dipper fall to the ground. He sucked in a breath, working his jaw, an ache settling in it. Brayden quickly rushed over and helped him up, taking his hand. 

Dipper turned pink, "T-Thanks for that," He muttered. Brayden chuckled, "Aw, its nothin'. My little brother just gets a little over the top sometimes. He has anger issues, but we're working on it," He assured him. Dipper's eyes widened, "So you're-!?" He cut himself off when Brayden nodded. He took his hat off and bowed, "Forgive me for not introducin' myself. Brayden Gleeful at your service. It's wonderful to get to meet you in person, my asterism," He murmured slyly, kissing the back of Dipper's hand.

The brunette flushed completely scarlet, "Y-you're the one who's been sending me roses!?" He exclaimed in surprise. Brayden straightened, "A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet," He whispered, leaning in to whisper in his ear. Dipper felt a little trill go down his spine at the knowledge of finding out who his admirer was. He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry, "Do you always quote poetry when questioned? Or is it just a Gleeful thing to be creepily charming?" He asked breathlessly.

Brayden chuckled and winked, "Deny thy name, my dearest Romeo," He mused with a playful grin. Dipper smiled in spite of himself, letting out a surprised laugh, "I'll take that as an answer," He said. Suddenly Gideon let out a cry, and a crash was heard, Dipper turning to see the lapis smashing against the concrete. A shard skidded near his foot, and Gideon's dark eyes turned on him. With a furious shout, he launched himself at Dipper. Brayden slid easily in front of him, catching his brother and restraining him with one arm.

Gideon struggled, shouting vicious threats as Brayden tilted his head to look at Dipper once more. He smiled, "I don't s'pose you'd ever consider going out to ice cream with me sometime?" He asked hopefully. Dipper bit his lip, fiddling with the bracelet on his wrist. He looked back up, "I don't know, this is, um, a lot to take in. But I'll think about it," He promised. Brayden smiled, "Good enough for me!" He chirped, turning to walk out just as the doors burst open.

"Alright you no good son of a bitch, lets finish this n-!" 

Billy came in wielding a large metal baseball bat, a dark snarl on his lips, but he blinked at the scene before him. Brayden stiffened, and Mabel, who was off to the side looking pleased with herself, looked up with a bright smile. Billy then shook his head, relaxing his grip on the bat just a bit, "You okay Shorts? Did he hurt you?" He asked seriously. Dipper shook his head, "No, I'm alright Billy. How did you get here?" He questioned, a little bewildered. The blond propped the bat over his shoulder, "I've got a truck and you left the address where I could find it." He shook his head, "Everybody knows this is the Gleeful's property; I'm gonna need to take you on a tour just for gossip, Dip," He teased with a smirk.

Dipper rolled his eyes, "Whatever man. Let’s just go home before Stan kicks our butts," He grumbled, putting his hands in his pockets. Billy nodded and moved out of the way of the door. Brayden stalked past him, "Rephic," He spat, walking off with his head held high. Billy curled his lip at the retreating male, "Why was _he_ here?" He sneered. Dipper sighed, "Gideon tried to kill me and he came to get him. He's...also the one who's been sending me flowers," He admitted quietly. Billy paused, then scoffed, "Of course it is," He deadpanned. 

Gideon's angry shouts echoed through the night air, "OH THIS ISNT THE LAST YOU'LL SEE OF ME, PINES!" Dipper scowled, "Seeing you ever again would be too soon!" He then stormed off and called shotgun. The drive home was filled with Mabel's ranting, "Why did I even think he was sweet!? He's a phony creep! Ugh, who tries to kill somebody with lamb shears anyway?"

Dipper was too busy mulling over his new revelation to join in, fiddling with his bracelet. Brayden was nice, sure, but who's to say he wouldn't turn out like Gideon? What if the only reason Dipper liked him was because he liked the idea of a mystery guy more than the actual guy? Maybe it would be safer to just ignore him. Not bother the issue, put it off until absolutely necessary. Yeah, he was content with that for now. 

 

[:•:]

 

They arrived back at the shack, Mabel and Dipper flopping down on the armchair with identical groans. Billy draped himself across the back of the armchair. A few minutes later, Stan came in, a painting under his arm. He hung it up on the wall above the dining room table.

He sighed, "I could've had it all," He mumbled. Then he turned to the exhausted trio, "What happened to you guys?" They all glanced at him. 

"Gideon."

"Gideon..."

"Gideon, that little-"

Billy shut up at a stern look from Mabel, and Stan laughed humorlessly. He shook his head, "Gideon," He agreed. He chuckled, sitting down on the dinosaur head, "Yeah, the little mutant swore vengeance on the entire family." Billy's head went up, "What, he wasn't mad at me?" He asked incredulously. Stan rolled his eyes, "You're part of the family too, doofus."

Billy blinked, then tilted his head, "Huh. I’m not sure whether or not to be flattered or ungrateful," He mused, laughing when Stan whacked him. The teen was glowing however, and he nudged Dipper, "I guess he gonna try to nibble our ankles or something," He snorted. Dipper sat up, "Oh yeah, what’s he gonna do now? Try to guess what number were thinking of?" He mocked with a laughed. Mabel popped up too, "He'll never guess what number I'm thinking of!" She proclaimed, and Billy hummed.

"Negative eight." He shot back. Mabel deflated with a pout, "How'd you know? Nobody guesses negative numbers!" She puffed out her cheeks, crossing her arms. Billy smirked, "Magic~ And you were looking at the TV, and it was on the screen on the cereal box," He answered easily. Mabel balked, and Dipper giggled behind his hand, grinning. Stan shook his head with a fond chuckle, "Oh no, the kid's probably planning on destruction right now! Rah!" He roared playfully, toppling on top of the twins, who squealed. Billy yelped as he was unbalanced, toppling into the chair on top of Stan. 

They all burst out laughing, and Billy ended up falling on the twins as Stan shoved him off to get up when the phone rang. Billy blinked, and grinned at the two beneath him, "Why hello there~ Come here often?" He purred. Mabel blushed and Dipper snickered, shoving Billy off them. He yelped when the blond caught his waist and took him down to the floor with him, landing together in a heap at the foot of the armchair. Mabel giggled hysterically, and Billy cackled as he rolled them over so Dipper was beneath him again. "Pinned ya again," He quoted sassily.

Dipper blinked at him, then rolled his eyes, chuckling as he shoved at Billy again, "Let me up man. Before I sick Mabel and her bedazzler on you," He threatened. Mabel gasped, eyes twinkling, "Oh! Can I!?" Billy's eyes widened and he hastily rolled off the brunette, who smirked. Soos poked his head in, "I heard something about a bedazzler?" When did he get here?

Mabel beamed, "Yeah! You wanna be my test monkey?" Soos held a fist to his chest, "I would be honored My Lady," He said regally. Mabel squealed and hopped off the couch, racing up to their room to grab her gem gun. Dipper scrambled up with a smile, "Wait, I've got an idea!" He exclaimed, dashing into the kitchen. He came back with a flashlight just as Mabel got back with the stepstool and her bedazzler. She made Soos hold his arms out and hold still. 

Billy plopped back down on the armchair, glancing at Stan when he walked back in, holding two sodas. The old man raised an eyebrow, "What're they doing now?" He asked warily, handing the teen one. Billy shrugged, "No clue," He replied. A few minutes later Soos was squirming a bit, "You done?" He asked. Mabel smiled, "Not yet," She answered. A pause, "How 'bout now?"

"Almost...and done!" She said, tossing her bedazzler aside. Soos turned around to show his entire front bedazzled with sequins. He held out his arms again, "Let's do this," He said firmly. Mabel hopped down and shut off the lights, Dipper pressed the MP3 with his toe to start the music, cutting his flashlight on at the same time. Little dots of multicolored light scattered across the room, spinning as Soos began to turn slowly in a circle. Billy and Stan watched with wide eyes as the twins grinned at their makeshift disco.

"You're all fired." Stan deadpanned. Billy took a sip of his soda with a grin, "Next time, we do this at my house." Dipper laughed, then gasped, "Oh! Hey, Grunkle Stan, is it okay if I hang out over at Billy's tomorrow?" He asked. Stan hesitated, then shrugged with a grunt, "Sure kid. Do what you want," He grumbled. Dipper smiled, "Thanks!" He chirped. Billy leaned up and held his fist out, "No more rainchecks?" Dipper fist bumped him with a grin, "No more rainchecks," He echoed with a nod. Billy hummed, "Good."

 

[:•:]

 

Buddy Gleeful winced as more shouting came from upstairs, sipping his ice tea quietly. Mary Gleeful glanced up, then shook her head, hands shaking, "Just keep vacuuming," She murmured nervously. Upstairs, Brayden balled his hands into fists, "You _said_ you would work on it! You have no right to blame me for what I did!"

Gideon's tomato red face puffed out, "I HAVE EVERY RIGHT! You also promised me you would try, and look where we're standing! I haven't seen you in _three years_ , Bray," He shouted, his voice cracking a bit. The elder's fiery eyes softened just a bit, "Now, I am sorry about that. But you and I both know there was nothin' I could do," He said carefully. Gideon screamed, "Yes there was! You could've lied! You could've hidden it better instead of leaving me to grow up without a brother and a best friend!" He yelled tearfully, gritting his teeth.

Brayden winced, opening his mouth to apologize again, but Gideon turned away, "Just because a pretty thing comes along, doesn't mean you get to go right back to being the way you were," He muttered, wiping his eyes angrily. Brayden said nothing, and after a moment turned and walked over to his bed, laying down on his side, facing the wall. Gideon stalked over to his desk and yanked open the drawer, slamming the book down and muttering to himself. A six fingered hand glinted on its cover, black ink reading **2**.


	7. WKH LQFRQYHQLHQFLQJ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper is having mental issues, and he and Mabel try to get in good with Billy and Wendy's friends.

Dipper kicked his feet back and forth, watching Simba sing Akuna Ma Tada upside down, blood rushing to his head. Billy hummed along, then threw popcorn at his TV as the song skipped to the part where Simba grew up. He scoffed, "There is no way that lion sang all the way through his two years of aging." Dipper righted himself clumsily and reached for the bowl, "Lions can't even speak, let alone sing, so this entire movie’s invalid," He stated, shoving a handful of popped kernels in his mouth.

He then yawned, "'M just glad we f'nally got to hang out, movie critiquing or not," He said tiredly, putting his chin his palm. Billy tossed up a piece of popcorn and caught it in his mouth, "Let’s see, so far we've gone through lots of Disney classics. The Little Mermaid, the Jungle Book, Aladdin, Pinocchio, and now the Lion King. If each movie is about an hour and a half, then we've been here..." He looked up, counting on his fingers. He hummed, "Wow, six and a half hours. It’s nearly ten. Ready to go home, Hazel?" He asked the drowsy brunette. Dipper mumbled a response, eyes drooping. Billy couldn't hear it all that well, but it sounded vaguely like, "No. Sleep. Now." 

He chuckled, grabbing the remote and turning the TV off, then scooping up a half asleep Dipper and carting him off to his truck. He laid him in the back seat and drove to the shack, Dipper's murmured protests barely reaching his ears, the boy's speech slurred. Billy smirked at Dipper, who was looking at him through the mirror with half lidded eyes, "Wan...stay. You...friends...bed," He grumbled softly, yawning again. Billy smiled softly, "Not tonight Shorts. Maybe someday, but not now," He mumbled with a shake of his head. Dipper didn't answer; he had fallen asleep.

 

[:•:]

 

Dipper woke up in his own bed, disoriented. Last thing he remembered he was in Billy's car. He sat up and yawned with a mental shrug; he must've carried him to bed. The thought made him blush, just a little. He swung out of bed and smoothed out his rumpled clothes, pulling on his shoes and hat before ambling downstairs. Nobody was in the kitchen, so he just grabbed an apple and wandered into the shop, finding Mabel and Wendy there talking. Stan walked by just as Dipper took a bite of his apple, shoving a duster in the boys other hand and making him almost choke.

"Glad to see you're finally up," He gruffed, "Now get to work." Dipper coughed, banging in his chest as he glared at his Uncle's retreating back. Then he slumped and sighed, content to finishing his apple as he dusted. He hummed 'I Can Show You the World' as he worked, and was on chorus when he was interrupted. Having been standing on the taller stepstool, he yelped when it was suddenly kicked from underneath his feet, and a loud familiar voice started belting out the lyrics.

"I can show you the world! Shining, shimmering, splendid! I can open your eyes!" Billy sang, catching Dipper in his arms bridal style and spinning around a bit with a goofy smile before depositing him on the barrel beside Mabel. Dipper put a hand to his head, "What just happened?" He said dizzily. Billy laughed and Mabel giggled, Wendy smirking knowingly at the blond. Dipper chuckled himself as Billy hefted up the stepstool and literally threw it back in the closet. He dusted off his hands, "It's my day off! I intend to make the most of it," He replied with a wink. 

Dipper pulled out the journal, "Well I was gonna go look for the Poltrenymphs today," He suggested. Billy shook his head with a sigh, "I actually don't feel like running for my life for once," He mused, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. Mabel was spinning around on the globe, arms out, "We could turn Soos into a disco ball again," She tried. Billy sniffed, "We did that yesterday," He whined. Dipper hummed as he flipped through the pages, tapping his chin, "Hey Mabel, do you believe in ghosts?" He asked distractedly. 

Mabel scoffed, "I believe you're a big dork. Ha ha!" She grinned. Dipper didn't even look up, just jabbing his pencil on the globe and stopping it in its tracks. Mabel yelped as momentum send her crashing backwards off of it, and Dipper smirked. Stan then came in again, "Soos, Wendy!" He barked. He gestured lamely at Billy, "You too, I guess. I'm heading out, you guys are gonna wash the bathrooms, right?" Soos nodded firmly, "Yessir!" Billy and Wendy saluted, "Absolutely not," They chorused with identical smiles. Dipper raised an eyebrow; you didn't see that every day.

Stan shook his head and chuckled, "Heh, you two stay outta trouble," He warned mockingly, then left. Immediately Wendy shot up, "Hey guys, what's this?" She gasped falsely, going over to the wall and pulling the curtain Dipper had only seen a few times to the side. She winked, "A secret ladder to the roof!?" 

"Scandalous!" Billy scolded, grinning as he leaned on the counter. Soos fidgeted, "I'm not sure Mr. Pines would be okay with this," He mumbled. Billy went over and poked the ladder tauntingly, and Wendy joined in, causing Soos to make distressed noises. Soos whimpered, "You're freaking me out dudes!" He whined. Dipper had hopped off the barrel, and tentatively touched the ladder, "Whoa, can we really go up there?" He asked. Billy shrugged, "Sure we can." Wendy grinned, abruptly picking Dipper up and placing him on her shoulders, "Roof time! Roof time! Roof time!" She chanted in a deep voice, beginning to climb the ladder with Dipper clinging to her.

Billy followed with Mabel, joining in. By the time both the twins were set down the roof, they were both blushing deeply. Wendy spread her arms wide, "Alright, check it out!" She smiled and went forward towards a lawn chair with an umbrella duct taped to it, a cooler and a bucket of pine cones beside it. Dipper shook off his embarrassment first, smiling as he followed, "Did you guys put all this stuff up here?" He asked, going to peek in the cooler. Billy put his hands in his hoodie pocket, "Red did, but it was my idea to venture beyond the ceiling of the shack," He replied, going and flopping down on the lawn chair. Wendy picked up a pine cone and shrugged, "I may or may not come up here during work...All the time, every day," She finished, and Billy snorted.

She chucked the cone at a semifaded piece of paper colored as a target taped to the totem pole. It hit a bullseye. Dipper and Mabel glanced at one another, then grinned and dove for the pine cones, beginning to throw them too. Dipper threw one as hard as he could, and it flew right on top of a light blue car below. It hit it with a loud thump, and the alarm started shrieking as if offended. Billy started cackling with laughter, "Good one, Shorts!" Wendy giggled, "Jackpot! High five!" She held up her hand.

The sun crowned her fiery red hair, making it really seem aflame, and the breeze caught it, making a few loose strands drift into her eyes, making them twinkle. Dipper felt his cheeks heat up, and he swallowed hard. Wendy smiled, "Well don't leave me hanging."

Dipper shook off his moment of awkwardness, and high fived her. Mabel hummed, "You and Billy have been oddly chummy today. What's up?" She asked suspiciously when Wendy sat on the lawn chair beside the blond's legs. Billy opened his mouth to answer just as a beat up white van squealed into the parking lot. Wendy perked up, "That's what's up," She replied, jumping back up as Billy straightened. An arm waved from the driver's side, "Wendy! Billy!" A voice called, and both teens smirked. Then Billy paused, turning back to the twins, "You guys aren't gonna tell Stan about this, are you?" He asked warily, and Wendy looked on worriedly. 

Dipper met Billy's eyes and crossed his heart with a small smile. Billy made the same motion with a mischievous grin. Mabel shook her head, "We won't tell him," She promised. Then Billy turned and took a running start off the roof, Wendy jumping from the roof to the tree in front of it. The two youngers gasped, rushing forwards just in time to see Billy flip a few times before twisting and landing on his feet in a squat, a hand on the ground to steady himself while Wendy slid down the trees to land beside him. They smirked back at the gawking brunettes, then stood and jogged over to the van and hopped in. Billy rolled down his window, "See ya later, Shorts!" He called as the van squealed out of the parking lot.

"Bye guys!" He yelled. He turned to see Mabel looking at him weirdly. He shrank back, "What?" He asked defensively. Mabel smiled slyly, "You still like Wendy." It wasn't a question. Dipper blushed deeply and puffed out his cheeks, "Wha- I- that is absurd! Ha ha..." He spluttered weakly. Mabel raised her eyebrows, and he caved, "Alright, fine! I still like her! But I made myself swear about to think about Brayden until I absolutely had to, so I relapsed, yes. But it's not like I stay up at night thinking about her," He snapped with a huff. Mabel hummed, eyes softening, "Whatever you say Bro Bro. But I'll just say, there's a bad one in every pair, and I'm fairly sure you got the good one." She then turned and went to go back down the ladder, leaving Dipper to his thoughts.

He fought with himself for the rest of the day, trying to overthink it one minute, then trying his hardest to dismiss it the next. He finally just snatched his unfinished novel Billy gave him and went back downstairs. He fell easily into the fictional world yet again, escaping all his problems and finally being able to relax.

That evening Billy came back and fell into the armchair, making Dipper look up from where he was reading at the table. He closed his novel, tilting his head at the blond, "Hey, where've you been?" He questioned curiously. Billy gave him a tired smile, "Out wreaking havoc with our friend group full of teenage rebellion and angst. Robbie almost died climbing the water tower, and Nate and Lee had an all-out brawl in Thompson's living room. It was a big reunion since Nate, Thompson, and Tambry were all out with their families on vacation," He explained with a yawn.

Dipper raised an eyebrow and chuckled, "Sounds fun. Maybe you could drag Mabel and I along one day," He mused, flipping the page. Billy sat up with a smirk, "You sure a marshmallow like you could handle all of our hardcore teenageness?" He questioned dramatically. Dipper rolled his eyes, "After all we've been through so far this summer? I think I can handle it." 

Billy laid back down, folding his hands behind his head, "Mhm, good point. I'll think about it," He replied softly. Dipper smiled, "Great! Should I-" He paused when he realized that Billy's head had lolled to one side. A quiet little snore came from the blond, and Dipper blinked before closing his book with a soft laugh. He got up and wandered into the hall to the closet across from the bathroom, opening it and taking out one of the old dusty extra blankets and pillows. He coughed as he banged the dust bunnies off with his palm, shutting the door with his foot. He hummed as he reentered the living room, carefully lifting Billy's head to place the pillow under it, then draping the blanket across him. 

He flicked a curled strand of blond hair away from the teen's face, "Eye for an eye. Now we're even," He breathed with a smile, grabbing his book and going upstairs. But he only read for a bit before having to the light off at Mabel's demand. Even after he'd put his book away and tucked himself in, twisting and turning every which way, his mind wouldn't shut up and let him go to sleep. It whirled and bounced between two people; Wendy Blerble Corduroy, and Brayden Arthur Gleeful. After about an hour of comparing and contrasting the two in his mind, as well as weighing the pros and cons of pursuing relationships with either one of them, he realized he was doing exactly what he'd told Mabel he wasn't, along with breaking his promise to himself.

Ice blue and green flashed in his vision, and he winced, "Oh, no."

 

[:•:]

 

The next day Billy had stayed for breakfast since he fell asleep on the armchair, and Stan grumped and complained about it, but he was begrudgingly pleased despite having to make extra. Dipper drunk two cups of coffee and was good to go, and Mabel ate the rest of the Stancakes with Billy in a contest. The blond won by a landslide. It was after lunchtime when Dipper heard the door open, and figuring it was Soos, went upstairs to grab his sketching clipboard. The handyman had asked Dipper the other day to draw him an anime version of himself once he'd found out Dipper liked to draw sometimes. 

He came back downstairs to find Wendy instead, and Mabel starting a random dance party in the middle of the shack. Dipper, being quite familiar with those, edged around to go sit on the barrel. Wendy joined in with the dancing, laughing, "Go, go, go, go!" She chanted happily. Dipper unclipped the sketchbook and flipped it to a new page to seem busy so he wouldn't be dragged into the dance party. He glanced up at Wendy from time to time. 'I am pretending to write something down', he wrote absentmindedly, then letting his mind wander as he stared at the clipboard, not really seeing it and just letting his hand doodle.

He jumped with a squeak when a voice came from over his shoulder, "That's not bad, Hazel," Billy chirped. Dipper blinked, actually looking at his page to see he had drawn a flaming rose going up the side of the paper, little sunbeams coming down from the top of the page. He blushed, "U-uh, thanks," He murmured. Then Billy caught sight of the little quote in the middle of the page and snorted, shaking his head. Wendy's attention was brought to them and she grinned, "You guys want in on this?" She asked over the music Mabel was playing on the MP3.

Dipper shook his head quickly, "I don't really dance," He responded highpitchedly. Mabel stopped to smile widely at him, "Yes you do! Mom used to dress him up in a lamb costume and make him do the Lamby Lamby Dance!" She giggled when Dipper pinned her with a lethal glare. "Now is not the time to talk about the Lamby Dance!" He hissed out through grit teeth. Billy perked up with a sly smirk, "Lamb costume? Did it have like, a tail and little ears?" He asked, snickering, trying to stifle it with his hand. Wendy's eyes lit up, "I want to see it now!" 

Dipper flooded scarlet, "Well, u-um, I...Mabel," He said pleadingly. She just got out her photo album and flipped it open, "Dipper used to prance around and sing a song about grazing. It was ador- ahem, I mean, awesome, heh," She finished at a deadly scowl from Dipper. Billy rounded the counter and stood beside Wendy to look with Mabel at the picture. Billy beamed, "Oh my God, Shorts! It's even got a little bow for a collar! Do you still have it?" He prodded. Dipper pulled his hat down over his eyes, bringing his knees to his chest, "No. I hate all of you." He mumbled, red up to his ears and creeping down his chest. 

Suddenly the clock on the wall dinged, and Wendy's head shot up. She smiled, "Yup, it's quittin' time. The gang's waiting for us Billy," She urged, beginning to walk out. The blond blinked slowly, then nodded rapidly, "Oh, I remember! Alright then." Dipper's embarrassment vanished and he shot to his feet with wide eyes, "Wait! Uh, w-why don't we come with you?" He suggested, rocking back and forth on his heels. Wendy hummed before Billy could answer, "Oh, I dunno. Our friends are pretty intense," She mused, looking to Billy.

The blond shrugged, "I don’t see why not." He placed his hands behind his head. Wendy smirked, "How old did you say you guys were?" She asked curiously. "Thirteen! W-we're thirteen," Dipper blurted, his jaw clenching nervously. Billy raised an eyebrow, and Wendy nodded, "I like your moxie kid. Let me get my stuff and we'll roll out," She said, walking off. Mabel grabbed Dipper and swung him into a huddle, "Since when are we thirteen?" She demanded. Then she furrowed her brow, "Wait, is this a leap year?"

Dipper shrugged her off, "C'mon Mabel, this is our chance to hang out with the rest of the cool kids. Plus, you'd get to flirt with Billy all night," He persuaded. Mabel's eyes lit up and she blushed with a giggle, "I'm in." Wendy then came back with her stuff, and they went outside. A group of teenagers were scattered around the parking lot in front of the van from yesterday, two of them holding up another one upside who was shirtless. The one who was upside downhad short walnut colored hair, a bit of stubble on his upper lip, and a chubby figure. The two holding him up were both grinning, one with a darker complexion and tattoo sleeves, a green trucker’s hat on his head with gold piercings glinting at his ears and a wispy little goatee on his chin. The other had blond hair to his shoulders and a scrawny figure, blue eyes twinkling with delight.

There was another girl behind them leaning on the van, texting rapidly on her phone, only pausing to tuck her uneven magenta and lilac toned hair behind her ear. The darker half was cut closer to her head, and her eyes were outlined with blue eyeliner all the way around. Her entire aura screamed 'Don't fucking touch me I will cut you', and Dipper quickly looked away. The last guy was a lanky guy in skinny jeans with a lot of acne and uneven (probably dyed) black hair. He had fierce brown eyes that were currently locked on the guy hanging upside down, a green jellybean in his hand. The two holding him up were chanting, "In the belly! In the belly!" And the emo kid cocked back to throw the bean, only to have a blue one zoom past his shoulder and lodge itself in the poor guy's bellybutton.

They all turned to look at Billy, who still had his hand out with a smirk. They grinned, "Wendy! Billy!" They cheered, and the two tallest ones dropped the chubby one, and he crumpled to the ground with a cry of pain. The tattooed guy pumped his fists in the air, "Billy! Billy! Billy!" He chanted, and the blond one beside him howled. Billy chuckled, nodding and jerking his thumb back at the two twelve year olds behind them, "Hey guys. These are our friends from work; Mabel and Dipper," He introduced, stepping to the side so they could get a good look at the duo. Mabel bounced on her heels, "I chewed my gum so it looks like a brain! Blah!" She stuck her tongue out to the show them, and all of them raised an eyebrow.

Feeling a dire need to save the situation, Dipper stepped in front of her with a nervous laugh, "S-sorry, she's not much for first impressions," He murmured with a sheepish smile. The emo one leaned against the van, raising an eyebrow, "So are you two, like, babysitting, or...?" He trailed off boredly. Wendy elbowed him hard in the side, "C'mon Robbie, be nice!" She scolded. Robbie snorted and flipped his hair sassily. Billy rubbed his hands together, "Guys, this is Lee and Nate," He began, pointing to the two that had been holding the chunkier one up earlier respectively. They punched each other playfully and laughed, while Wendy pointed to the purple haired girl, "That's Tambry." The girl didn't even look up, "Hey..." She mumbled distractedly. Billy clapped the shirtless male on the back, "This is Thompson, who once ate a run over waffle for fifty cents," He bragged, and Thompson flooded red, "Stop telling everybody that!" He whined nervously.

Wendy went over and punched Robbie on the shoulder, "And this is Robbie. You can probably figure him out." Robbie sniffed haughtily, tuning a guitar, "Yeah, I'm the guy that spray painted the water tower," He said in an extremely snooty way. "Oh, you mean the big muffin!" Dipper blurted before he could stop himself. Robbie looked offended, "Um, it's a giant explosion," He snapped. Lee nudged Nate, "Heh, it kinda does look like a muffin," He snickered, and they started laughing, along with Billy off to the side. Robbie shot Dipper an angry glare, and the brunette shrunk back warily. Wendy noticed, clapping her hands together to gather their attention and break the tension, "Alright lets load up! I wanna actually get to do something tonight!"

They all smiled and clambered into the car, Dipper instinctively grabbing the passenger door handle only to have the door shut by a half-gloved hand. Robbie sneered at him, "Sorry, kid. I get shotgun, alright?" He taunted, and Dipper flushed, "O-oh, okay, yeah," He mumbled, going to the backseat to squeeze in between Mabel and Billy. Thompson, who was driving, turned as he cranked the van, "Hey, before we go, my Mom said you guys aren't allowed to punch the roof anymore, so..."

There was a pause, then all the teens grinned, "Thompson! Thompson! Thompson!" They chanted, smashing their fists into the already dented roof. Thompson gave an unimpressed look with a sigh, beginning to drive off. Dipper took out a sharpie, uncapping it to doodle on his hand, drawing a little triangle with an eye and a top hat. He was adding the bowtie when Billy grabbed his wrist to inspect it, "What is that?" He demanded softly, eyes wide. Dipper blinked in surprise, "Oh, um, I don't really know. I had a weird dream last night, and I don't remember much of it, but I remember whatever this is was in it," He explained as Mabel stole his sharpie.

Billy looked troubled, when his gaze caught the sight of Dipper's fingers fiddling with the stone on his bracelet. Dipper had to do a double take, swearing his eyes had turned red for a moment. But when he looked again, they were the same electric blue they'd always been. The gold flecks scattered in them were more prominent today too. Mabel giggled as she crossed out the faded, 'You Stink!' on the wall, rewriting, 'You look nice today!' above it. She handed the sharpie back to Dipper, "This is gonna blow someone's mind!" Billy raised an eyebrow, and Dipper shushed her worriedly, "Mabel, please!" He hissed sternly. Billy snorted, "What, is she embarrassing you in front of your girlfri-?" He was cut off by Dipper slapping a hand over his mouth. 

He quickly took it back off after a moment with a yelp when he felt something wet and warm slide between his fingers and across his palm. He hastily wiped it on his shorts, "Augh! Did you just lick my hand!?" He scrunched up his nose as Billy smirked, licking his lips, "Sure did. You taste like marshmallows," He teased. Dipper gave him an unamused look, "I hate you," He deadpanned. Billy chuckled, "No you don't." Dipper huffed, crossing his arms, but he smiled.

 

[:•:]

 

Thompson parked and they all filed out, the sun beginning to set behind the trees as they all gathered around the fence of what looked to be an abandoned convince store. Wendy grinned, "There it is; the condemned Dusk 2 Dawn." Lee pressed closer, "Ha, cool!" Mabel stood beside him with a wide smile, "Neato," She said in awe. Dipper got a very bad sense of foreboding off the entire place, and he gulped, "W-why'd they shut it down? Was it like a health code violation or...?" He trailed off, going for nonchalance and failing. Nate scoffed, "Try _murder_! Some people died in there, and it's been haunted ever since," He said seriously. Dipper paled, "A-are you serious?" He spluttered. Wendy shook playfully, "Yeah, we're all gonna die!" She mocked lightly. Billy nudged him, "Chill out, Shorts. It's not as bad as it looks."

Then Nate smirked and hopped up with a grunt, beginning to scale the fence, and Lee followed right after. Mabel gasped in delight, "Me next!" She scrambled up after them, and Tambry and Wendy were next. Dipper bit his lip warily as he regarded the fence with wide eyes. How was he supposed to get up there? He had a very mild fear of heights, just an anxiety about them really, but that fence caused it to prod at him. He let out an undignified squeak as he was picked up and slung on Billy's back like a bookbag. The blond held his knees with a mischievous grin, "Hang on tight Hazel!" He chirped, backing up before taking a running start and literally jumping _over_ the fence while doing a front flip. Dipper let out yelp, but Billy landed steadily on his feet in a squat position, letting Dipper slide off. 

The brunette stumbled and put a hand to his head before plopping down on the ground dizzily, "What just happened?" He asked no one in particular, and they rest of the group cheered and whooped. Mabel helped her brother up just as Robbie climbed down too. The black haired teen hmphed, "So you need him to carry you over?" He sneered as he walked by. Dipper flushed indignantly, but swallowed his retort and followed after the group as they made their way to the front doors. Wendy peered inside with a smile, "Whoa, this place is amazing!" She exclaimed. Robbie smirked and nudged her out of the way, going to open the door. He pulled and yanked, but then frowned when they didn't give, "I think it's stuck."

"I-I could give it a try," Dipper suggested with a small smile. Robbie whirled with a scowl, "Oh yeah, I can't get it, but Junior here is gonna break it down like Hercules," He mocked. Dipper's smile fell and his bright expression stuttered, but then Wendy spoke up, "C'mon man, leave him alone. He's just a little kid," She muttered. Dipper's face flooded pink, and he bristled. He drew himself up and stalked over to the side of the building with a scowl. Billy smirked and crossed his arms as they watched Dipper scramble up the trashcan to the roof with wide eyes, "You've done it now. He's pissed," He mused. Robbie and Wendy gave him questioning looks, and Billy winked, "The kid's a force to be reckoned with when angry."

They all exclaimed as Dipper stomped over the roof to the air duct, crashing his fists into the grate. Mabel looked on with worry, "Dipper take it easy Broseph!" She called. He ignored her, punching it again, finally caving it in with a grunt and crawling inside. There was a moment of tense silence that Robbie broke, "Who wants to bet he doesn't make it?" He asked smugly. Billy grinned, "Ten bucks," He retorted, and they shook on it. Three seconds later, Dipper kicked open the door from the inside. Robbie scoffed, slamming the money in the blond's waiting hand. Dipper held the doors open for them with a grin, and Mabel bounded in first. Lee followed after with a laugh, "Good call inviting this little maniac." Nate nodded in agreement, "Dr. Funtimes!" He cheered and high fived the boy. 

Tambry merely grunted as she passed, and Wendy gave him a fist bump with a grin that made him blush. Billy passed him next, stealing his hat and ruffling his curls, "Nice work, Starchild," He praised, and Dipper grinned, then shook his head as Billy plopped Dipper's hat on his head and went inside. He looked up as Robbie passed, but the teen merely turned his nose up with an annoyed huff, stalking past. Dipper paused, then scoffed, rolling his eyes and following him into the store as well, the door closing with a ding. Thompson gulped as he looked around, "Do you guys think this place is really haunted?" He asked, his voice shaky. Lee rolled his eyes at the heavy set male, "Nah, chill man." 

Wendy shuddered, "It's even creepier than I imagined," She muttered as she walked off down an aisle, Robbie and Dipper following. Lee, Nate, and Mabel went down the aisle next to it, and Tambry and Billy went down the last. Dipper paused to wipe off a newspaper. 'September 12th, 1995' it read. He hummed and replaced it on the shelf. Lee nudged Nate, "Hey, where do you think they keep the dead bodies?" He asked spookily. Nate laughed and shoved him, "Ha, shut up man!" Dipper perked up when Wendy's voice piped up again, "Hey guys! Come check this out!" She yelled. Dipper jogged over to where her voice was coming from, seeing her examining a light switch. She smiled over her shoulder at them, "You think these still work?" 

She flicked them all up and the lights flickered on. They all grinned and Mabel whooped, "Jackpot!" Dipper smiled, but then faltered, "Sooo, what do we do now?" He asked, a bit confused. He jumped when Billy clapped a hand on his shoulder, "Anything we want," He replied easily.Dipper grinned. 

Then he yelped as Mabel shot him in the back with a cosmic brownie, holding the wrapper with a giggle. Nate smirked, "Food fight!" He shouted, grabbing an opened bag of skittles and pelting Lee with them. Billy let out a war cry and grabbed a loaf of bread and tore it open, beginning to aim for the face as the others laughed and dodged. Dipper grabbed a box of cereal and scrambled on top of the aisle, running and dumping it on the teens below with a laugh as they all grabbed different foods and made makeshift weapons with them. Billy yelped as a piece of Trix went down the back of his hoodie.

He whirled to see a giggling Dipper above him, "Hey, that's cheating, Dip!" He scolded, aiming a piece of bread at him. It whapped him in the face and Dipper spluttered while Wendy snorted with laughter. The fight continued, soon turning to soda, which led to Nate deciding they should blow one up, making Lee get him a roll of Mentos. They all sat in a circle as it sprayed up, mouths open like they were catching snowflakes. Then Thompson complained about his clothes being all sticky, so Robbie hit him with a water ballon, which launched an all-out war once again. Dipper and Mabel ran squealing around one of the aisles, and Dipper ran into Mabel as she stopped with a gasp.

Her eyes twinkled, "Look! Smile Dip!" She bolted over to the little stand holding the brightly colored packets, picking one up and ripping it open, "I thought these were banned in America!" She exclaimed. Dipper watched her warily, "Maybe they had a good reason," He said, before something wet crashed into his head. He squealed and turned around to see Billy sticking his tongue out at the brunette before scrambling away, "Come get me, Shorts!" Dipper laughed and ran after him, leaving Mabel alone with the sugar rush inducing candy.

He chased after Billy, only to find that he had disappeared. He frowned in confusion, then yelping when he was thrown up into the air and caught on white clothed shoulders, Billy's cackling filling his ears as he spun around with Dipper slung across his shoulders like a scarf. The brunette squeaked, clinging to Billy's hoodie as the blond began to climb up the shelves, crossing on top of them before letting Dipper sit up on his shoulders. He plopped down next to Wendy, who had stolen a box of ice cream and was grinning at the two. Billy carefully set Dipper down and plopped down beside the box. Dipper sat beside him, and Wendy tossed him an ice cream.

Down below Dipper heard Nate yell across the store, "C'mere man! We got it ready!" Thompson bolted towards him, "Whatever it is I'll do it!" He yelled back. Billy chuckled as he opened his own Popsicle, putting his other hand in his hoodie pocket. Dipper laughed through his nose as he put the pop in his mouth. Wendy grinned, "Dipper, this night is like, legendary," She told him. The boy perked up, "Really?" He asked, and the red head gestured to the rest of the store, "Just look around!" She chirped. Billy motioned with his chocolate Popsicle down below them, "The guys are bonding, Tambry has _never_ looked up from her phone this long, and Sweaters is goin' nuts for that Smile Dip."

Dipper looked down to see Thompson on all fours while the rest of the guys stuffed ice down his ass, and Tambry glanced up from her phone to look at them and roll her eyes before going back to texting. He didn't even want to look at Mabel. Wendy gave the female brunette a worried look from across the room, "I think she's hallucinating. That stuff was banned, right?" She muttered. Billy nudged Dipper, leaning down to whisper to him, "You know, Red had doubts about you two coming along, but I knew you'd prove her wrong. You're pretty mature for you age, Shorts, don't change that," He murmured. Dipper gave him a bewildered but pleased glance, taking his ice cream out of his mouth with pop, "Thanks, and I'll try not to," He replied. 

He then gave his ice cream a strange look, "Is this strawberry or Neapolitan?" He mumbled curiously. He then shrugged then put it back in his mouth, biting off the end. Billy suddenly shot to his feet, "HEY, would you look at that over there, I gotta go," He blurted, jumping down from the shelf and hurrying off. Wendy snickered and shook her head with an amused look at Dipper's confused face. His head jerked up at the shout from Lee, "Hey guys! We're out of ice!" Dipper stood up and ditched his ice cream, "I'm on it!" He called back, clambering down from the shelves and jogging over to the freezers. He slowed his pace and shuddered as a dark feeling of foreboding began to descend around him the farther back he went. He didn't like it.

He quickened his pace, hoping to just grab the ice and get back to the others. Back to safety. He grabbed the handle of the freezer and pulled, yelping as his stupid bracelet cut him again. He hissed as blood beaded on the shallow cut on his palm, blindly grabbing for the ice. He was seriously going to have to get that lapis sanded down. He looked up and froze, hazel eyes widening impossibly. Black claws scratched along the insides of the freezer, a glowing blue shape above that same horrible eye from last time. The blackness grinned at him, the iris deepening red as its pupil slitted like a cat. It began to pull itself closer, " _ **TrUsT iN mE, wE sHaLl TaKe CaRe Of YoU~**_ " It crooned, reaching one of its many blackened hands towards him.

Its claws brushed his cheek, and he let out a piercing shriek and slammed the freezer shut, dropping the ice and letting it spill onto the ground. He put his back against the door as if to prevent it from getting out, breathing hard as his heart tried to punch his ribs out of place. His wild eyes went to his bracelet, the blue stone glinting in the light, laughing at him. Two cuts from the stone, two visions of...whatever the hell that was. It couldn't be a coincidence.

Footsteps came rushing in his direction, and the entire group appeared around him. He forced his hysteria down and gulped. Lee raised an eyebrow, "What was that? I thought I heard some lady screaming back here." Dipper was a bit too shaken up to be offended by the comment, but Nate's remarked did not skate completely over his head. "You freakin' out, kid?" He mocked with a laugh. Dipper brought his hands behind his back, clenching and unclenching them, "U-um no, I'm cool, everything's cool," He responded quickly. Robbie stepped forward and nudged the ice with his foot, "Then what's all this about?" He challenged. Forgetting his terror in a moment of annoyance, he felt a very strong urge to give the teen a high five. In the face. With a chair. 

"That's, uh..." He trailed off, unable to find a feasible excuse. So he found a distraction instead. He pointed at something behind Robbie, "Hey look, Dancy Pants Revolution! The game that tricks people into exercising!" He exclaimed, and everyone turned. Lee and Nate lit up as they saw it, "Oh yeah! Let’s go!"

"Yeah!"

"Awesome, lets!"

"Wait for me!"

They all went off to go look at the videogame, and Dipper chuckled nervously, "Heh, yeah. L-let's all go play that..." He glanced back at the freezer behind him. Nothing. He let out a breath, turning back around to meet Billy's chest. He stumbled back with a squeak, and the blond narrowed his eyes with crossed arms, "Spill it, Hazel." He demanded. Dipper gulped, "W-what are you talking about- spill- there’s nothing to spill- ha, everything’s fine- I'm totally fine!" He blurted, then cringed at his own obviousness. Billy raised an eyebrow, "I thought we agreed no more secrets," He shot back. Dipper opened his mouth, then closed it again, biting his lip before sighing. He scuffed his feet on the floor, "I saw something," He admitted quietly.

Billy was silent, which he took as a sign to continue, "It was all black with three rows of fangs, and had like, seventeen different pairs of arms and it was glowing bright blue and it had one big eye placed right in the middle of it and it was just staring right through my soul and I can still feel it _watching_ me with that look like- like it wanted to _eat_ me and-"

"Dipper!"

His jaw snapped shut and he realized that he'd been ranting and Billy had grabbed his shoulders and was shaking him gently. The boy swallowed and looked up into the concerned blue eyes of his friend, "I’m sorry," He whispered. Billy sighed, "It's alright, and you’re fine. Have you seen this thing before?" He asked worriedly. Dipper nodded, "In the shower," He answered. Billy blinked, "In the shower?" He confirmed slowly. Dipper nodded, bringing his wrist up to his chest, "It spoke to me. It happens every time I cut myself on my bracelet." He replied quietly, staring absently at the stone that had sliced him.

Billy grabbed his wrist, then abruptly let go when Dipper froze, taking the boy's fingertips gently and placing them on his own palm to look at the bracelet. His eyes glinted as he took in the lapis, rolling it between his forefinger and his thumb slowly. His lip curled, "You got this from Gleeful, didn't you?" He sneered. Dipper blinked at him, "Yes actually. It came with one of my roses." With that sentence, Billy's posture changed. His expression looked contemplative, then smoothed over, "Brayden Gleeful is not someone you should be receptive to. He's like his brother in ways you can't tell, and is in fact, where Gideon got some of his bad habits from. He," He paused to yank the bracelet off Dipper's wrist, snapping the clasp, and Dipper gasped, "Enchants things to make them work in his favor. Rather shotty magic, but magic nonetheless."

Dipper brought out his other hand to rub his wrist, wincing at where the clasp had cut into his skin, not enough to break it, but enough to hurt. Billy's brow furrowed as he looked at the smear of blood on his thumb from where he'd been holding the stone, then he caught sight of Dipper's other hand. His eyes widened, "Jesus Christ Shorts!" He yelped, ditching the bracelet in favor of snatching boy's hand. Dipper's own eyes widened too as he saw his palm dripping blood down his arm from the deep cut there. He gazed at it absently, "It wasn't that big a few minutes ago," He said dazedly. Billy glanced at him then shook his head, reaching underneath his hoodie to grasp the yellow tank top below it. He grunted as he tore the hem off, taking it in between his teeth as he cleaned Dipper's arm off with a tissue. He swore quietly as it soaked up way too quickly, leaving the brunette's arm still stained red as he tied the strip of cloth around the wound.

Dipper winced, "You just ruined your shirt..." Billy shrugged, "I have ten thousand different tank tops, and fifteen of them are yellow. I'll live," He replied simply, letting go of Dipper's hand. Dipper flexed his bandaged hand, smiling weakly, "Why is it that you're always having to play nurse with me?" He asked with a little laugh. Billy tilted his head, "I don't know," He paused, then his normal cocky demeanor came back with a smirk, "But I can play doctor pretty well," He said with a wink. Dipper stared at him, "Did you just...?" He spluttered, laughter bubbling up in his throat. Billy grinned, and Dipper let out a burst of laughter, giggling behind his hand. Once he'd calmed down, he sighed and rolled his eyes, shoving Billy lightly, "Dork. C'mon, the others are waiting." He said, walking towards the video game.

Billy chuckled, then glanced down at the jewel covered bracelet in the floor. He narrowed his eyes at it, bringing up his boot only to slam it back down on it, crushing every gem into fine glitter. He sniffed and followed after Dipper, who was standing next to Wendy with a grin, watching Thompson fail at playing Dancy Pants. 

"Go, go, go, go, go!"

"Dance! Hurry up!"

The machine and the group cheered Thompson on, and Dipper snickered when Thompson nearly slipped on his own sweat. He smiled, glancing around, happy with the atmosphere, when his eyes skated over the doors. He did a double take, eyes widening as he saw everyone's reflection turn to stare at him, eyeless, bony, sockets filled with shadows. He swallowed down a whimper, determinedly turning his head back to Thompson, "It's not real. In your head. Overactive imagination, that’s it," He mumbled to himself, clenching his fists. But the gnomes weren't, and neither was almost getting strangled by wax Lizzie Borden, so why was this different? Because he wanted to impress the gang, that was his petty excuse. But it worked; he steeled himself and forced himself to relax even as unease trickled back into his body.

After a few more minutes everyone dispersed, and Dipper wandered off to find Mabel. He found her near convulsing on the ground amidst mounds of pink Smile Dip and broken sugar sticks. Her eyes were dilated, pupils so small her could barely see them, and she had her mouth crammed with the powdered candy, making it look like she had gone rapid, a half-eaten sugar stick clutched too tightly in her hand. Dipper's eyes widened and he gasped, running over to her, worry clouding his expression. He grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her, "Holy heck, Mabel! How many of these did you eat!?" He squeaked. She shuddered, "Eleven...teen..." She trailed off with a gurgle, a dopey smile on her lips among the sugar. Dipper rubbed his temples as he let go of her, groaning, "This...is not helping."

He gave his twin an exasperated look. Leave it to Mabel to get high off of freaking _candy_. His head jerked up when he heard Robbie's voice, "Hey guys! Come check this out!" He gave his sister one last concerned glance when she giggled hysterically, then sighed, "I'll be back," He murmured, knowing she probably couldn't hear him as he walked off to see what the fuss was about. He walked over to see the rest of them (minus Thompson) gathered around the cash register. He raised his eyebrows when he saw body tape laid out on the ground, and Lee nudged Nate, "So the rumors about this place we're true!" He said excitedly. Dipper gulped harshly, paling. Robbie threw something at Lee, "Dude, I dare you to lie down in it," He taunted with a grin. Billy rolled his eyes with a chuckle when the taller hit Nate, "Good idea, go lie down in it," Lee urged the tattooed teen with a smug smile.

Nate scoffed but started forward, and Dipper's stomach dropped to his shoes as his heart shot up to his throat. Nate grinned and did a spooky pose, "Look, I'm a dead body!" He mocked with a laugh, his foot about to set down in the outline. Dipper's mind was screaming at him, and he jolted forward just a bit, "Wait!" He blurted, blushing when everybody turned to stare at him. He rubbed his neck, "Maybe we should, uh, not do that," He tried anxiously. Lee smirked, "This guy's scared," He sang, condescending. Dipper froze, then took a deep breath, "All I'm saying is, why tempt the fates, ya know? Isn't this the way most horror movies start? I mean, what if this place is really...haunted?" He said the last part quietly, unsurely. 

There was a beat of silence, then, "Aw boo! C'mon man!" Nate complained, and there were murmurs of agreement. Robbie flicked nonexistent dust off his jacket sleeve, "Yeah, take it down a notch, Captain Buzzkill," He spat venomously. Normally Dipper would've had a sarcastic comeback, but being as frazzled as he was, he just shrunk in on himself, "B-but I thought I was Dr. Funtimez," He stammered. Robbie scowled at him, "Well you're _acting_ like Captain Buzzkill! Right?" He looked to the rest of the group for agreement, and everyone but Billy reluctantly nodded. Even Wendy rubbed her arm awkwardly, "Lil' bit." Glancing around, Billy shrugged, "I dunno, Shorts has a point. Dumbass teenagers come in and start messin' stuff up and all of a sudden somebody comes in with a chainsaw and slaughters them all. I've seen it before."

Nate snickered, "Yeah, because you're weird," He retorted with an eyeroll. Billy grinned and tipped an imaginary hat at him, "Why thank you!" He exclaimed with a smirk. Then he sobered, "But seriously, even if it's not haunted, that's still rude man. Lie in their spot of death and mock them, yeah, then this place will _actually_ be haunted," He responded matter-of-factly, shoving his hands in his hoodie pocket, the gold outlines of the bricks on the bottom shining dimly in the bleached lights of the store. Robbie rolled his eyes, "You, I get. But this kid? He's going a little too far," He sneered, curling his lip up at Dipper, as if offended by his very presence. Dipper bristled, hands curling into fists as an angry flush crept up the back of his neck. Tambry tsked, "Status update: Trapped in store with insane nine year old."

Dipper drew himself up and stalked forward with an angry growl, "I am _not_ a nine year old!" He barked, and Billy gave him a warning look, "Shorts," He called carefully. Dipper ignored him, standing before the outlines with a determined expression, "I'm thirteen!" Billy straightened as Dipper turned around. He fell back into the outline, arms spread out, "Technically a teen," He finished with a glare in Robbie's direction. The blond hissed, "Damn," He grumbled, and Dipper realized his mistake too late as the tape around him began to glow. His hazel eyes widened, "Oh no."

He quickly scrambled up and away from the shining lines of the tape, gulping as he looked around frantically. Suddenly Tambry's head jerked up, and she opened her mouth in a soundless gasp before dissipating into nothing but an aqua colored light. Everyone gasped as her phone clattered to the ground, and Dipper hesitated before going over and picking it up as if it were a very large spider. He swallowed and read the screen out loud, "Status update: Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!?!?!!!" Static then crackled above their heads, and the blocky TV above the cash register came on, showing an empty store and a panicked and terrified Tambry banging on the glass. Everyone huddled together and screamed in horror, and Billy gulped, "Ya just had to prove yourself, didn't you!?" He shouted at Dipper.

The brunette paled, "I blame peer pressure!" He yelled back breathlessly, to which the teen shook his head with a scoff. Wendy ignored them both, "Tambry! Can you hear us!?" She shouted. Tambry didn't react, just continuing to bang on the screen and look around her in fearful confusion. Lee started to breathe heavily, "What're we supposed to do, man!?" He demanded, looking at Nate. The dark skinned male shook his head frantically, "I dunno, man, I dunno!" Robbie let out a choked noise, "Look, let’s just go already!" He exclaimed, trembling slightly. Then Dipper gasped, "Thompson!" He exclaimed as the teen disappeared in the same fashion as Tambry, reappearing inside the game screen. He blinked in bewilderment, "Huh?" Then he yelped as the dance arrows began to fall down on him, stabbing him repeatedly. He cried out in pain, finally just curling up in a ball on the bottom of the screen.

"You're a dance machine!"

"No, you're a dance machine! Ouch!"

He began to sob, and Wendy cringed. Robbie shook his head, "Forget him, let’s go!" He cried, going for the doors. The doors rattled and finally stilled with a click, and Wendy grabbed them and yanked, grunting, "Guys, it’s locked!" Suddenly she jumped out of the way with a squeal as Billy came rushing past with a war cry and smashed a chair against the doors. The chair broke and the wooden pieces clattered to the ground. "Outta my way!" Robbie yelled, hefting the cash register up and hurling it at the door. The doors began to glow, and the cash register passed through harmlessly. Dipper took out the journal, "Okay, that is obviously _not working_!"

He flipped frantically through the pages, finding his bookmarked slot, "Whatever is doing this must have a reason! Maybe if we can figure out what that is, th-then they'll let us out," He suggested, showing the page on ghosts to the group. Robbie rolled his eyes, "'U-uh, they'll let us out!' Yeah, that makes a lot of sense," He retorted snidely. Wendy hugged herself, "Maybe he has a point," She said, concerned and anxious. Lee scoffed as his brows furrowed, "Oh right, because I'm sure the ghost wants to talk about its feelings!" He snarked, eyes darting everywhere nervously. He abruptly vanished into streaks of turquoise light, and Dipper jumped as he heard something start speaking behind him. He whirled and backed away as Lee appeared in the bowl of cereal on the front of the cereal box, the toucan above him giggling madly, "I’m BONKERS for eating you alive!" It chirped happily, bringing down its spoon and slicing Lee in half.

They all flinched at the resounding screech of agony, and Nate cried out for him. The tattooed teen took off his trucker hat, wiping his brow nervously, "Okay, I’m with you, kid! A hundred percent, man!" He said hurriedly, looking at Dipper pleadingly. Dipper's words died on his tongue as a deep voice resounded behind them, " **Welcome, trespassers, to your graves.** " Bill sucked in a breath, "They got Sweaters," He breathed. Dipper whirled to see Mabel floating the middle of the store, a deranged grin on her lips and her eyes glowing an unnatural blue. She cackled, kicking her feet in delight as all the rest of the group screamed, backing away. Wendy gulped, "Look, we're super sorry for trespassing in your store!" She shouted with a nervous smile. Dipper nodded quickly, "Yes, very sorry. Can we just go now, and leave forever?" He asked tentatively, and everyone else nodded hurriedly.

The ghost in Mabel's body tilted its head at them, "Well...okay, you're free to go. But before you go, hot dogs are half off, you gotta try some!" It said enthusiastically, and Robbie and Nate screamed, running for the now open doors. The doors slammed back shut in their faces. Ghost Mabel sneered at them, "Just kidding about the hot dog sale!" It spat. Nate grew angry, glaring hotly at the floating adolescent, "Just let us out of here already!" He snapped. Ghost Mabel scowled, "I don't like your tone," It snarled darkly, snapping its fingers. Nate disappeared and reappeared as a hot dog in the steamer, and he let out a scream of horror.

Ghost Mabel cackled, rising up once more, "It begins!" It howled, and things began to fly across the room and orbit the glowing girl. Dipper yelped as gravity suddenly reversed, sending the rest of them crashing to the ceiling. Robbie had fallen on the other side of the store, but Wendy and Billy had fallen on top of the little brunette. Wendy scrambled up, and Billy tugged the boy up with him. The blond looked around worriedly, "What do we do now, Dip? We still don't know what it wants!" Dipper eyes widened, "DUCK!" He shouted, tackling Billy back down to the ground just before the slushy machine smashed into his head. Billy blinked owlishly at the brunette above him, blowing out a breath, "Thanks," He breathed.

Dipper rolled off him, "Thank me after we go home," He grumbled, getting back to his feet. They both looked up when Wendy's voice cut through the whirling air around them, "Quick! In here guys!" She shouted, holding open the slide to a cabinet, and Billy got up and ran over, sliding in Dukes of Hazzard style, Wendy following, and Dipper having to squeeze himself in beside Billy and the wall. Wendy shut the slide and there was a moment of tense quiet, and Wendy broke it, "What do they want from us?" She whispered fearfully, and Dipper turned, even though he couldn't see much in the cabinet, "Revenge, I suppose? But I don't know what we did," He answered softly. Billy huffed out a breath, "Well, why was each person taken? Maybe there's a pattern," He suggested.

Dipper nodded and his brow furrowed, "Okay, um, Tambry was texting, Thompson was playing video games, Lee was being sarcastic, and Nate was being an impertinent jerk." He listed them all on his fingers, and Wendy looked over at him. She shook her head, "Yeah, but those are all just normal teenage things," She whined, flinching when something hit the cabinet. Dipper paused, his eyes widening, "Wendy, say that again!" Billy glanced at him, "Normal teenage things? Shorts, what does- hey!" He exclaimed as Dipper shoved the slide up, "Of course! Stay here!" He yelled as he squirmed his way out of the cabinet and sprinted across the ceiling, dodging flying debris. He lifted his chin as he stopped, "HEY!" He shouted.

He cringed when Mabel's head twisted all the way around like an owl's, grinning maniacally at him, raising him up in a blue aura. Dipper steeled himself, "IM NOT A TEENAGER!" It was instantaneous. Everything stopped. Mabel's eyes dimmed and returned to their normal brown, two glowing figures appearing holding her hair. Dipper was dropped to the floor with a grunt, and he rubbed his hip with a wince, wyes widening as he saw two transparent looking, slightly overweight, old people. They wore aprons that bore nametags of 'Pa' and 'Ma'. Dipper cocked his head to the side curiously. The man named Pa smiled widely, "Oho! Well why didn't ya say so?" 

They both let go of Mabel, and she crashed into the pile of rubble below with a yelp, groaning from somewhere underneath it. Pa rubbed his head, "How old did you say you were?" He asked. Dipper cast a glance behind him at the watching pair inside the cabinet, sighing. He'd let peer pressure cloud his judgment once today, and he wouldn't let it happen again, so he swallowed his pride and looked at his shoes, "I’m...twelve. Technically not a teen," He muttered resignedly. Ma shook her head with a disapproving huff, "When we we're alive, teenagers were such a scourge on our store!" Pa nodded in agreement, "Always sassafrassing customers with their boomy boxes and disrespectful short pants!" Dipper tugged at the hem of his shorts self-consciously.

Pa continued, "We decided to up and ban them! But they retaliated with this newfangled rap music," He sneered. Ma clutched her hands to her chest, "The lyrics were so hateful! It was so shocking we were stricken down with double heart attacks. That’s why we hate teenagers so much! Don't we, honey?" She cooed, and Pa hummed, putting and arm around her waist and bumping noses with her. Dipper bit his lip, "Not to be rude, Mister and Missus... But all teenagers aren't the same. Some are respectful, and I know for a fact most of my friends don't even like rap music!" That was lie, he'd known these people for four hours at most. 

Ma sniffed, "But that one wore eyeliner, and another was always on her phone, and the other two were so loud and always swearing!" She ranted, and Pa put a hand over hers to calm her down. Dipper sucked on his teeth, "But they're my friends! Can't _I_ do something to pay for _their_...grievances?" He said it awkwardly, rubbing his arm. Pa looked thoughtful, "There is one thing... Do you know any funny little dances?" Dipper blanched, gulping, "Um, i-is there anything else I can do?" He asked anxiously. He recoiled when Pa grew in size and turned orange, fire erupting around him, " **NO!** " He roared, making the walls rattle. "ALRIGHT!" Dipper bellowed back. He sighed, shoving a hand through his curls, "I do know...The Lamby Lamby Dance," He replied reluctantly. Then he brightened, crossing his arms, "But! I can't really do it without a lamb costume," He pointed out happily. Pa grunted and snapped his fingers, and Dipper was poofed into the lamb costume.

He deadpanned, "Welp. There it is." He blushed furiously and took in a deep breath when he realized he didn't have anything but his underwear on underneath the damn thing. He bit his lip and, praying his voice wouldn't crack too badly, he sighed and began.

" _Well! Who wants a lamby, lamby, lamby?  
I do, I do!   
So go up and greet your mammy, mammy, mammy!  
Hi there, hi there!  
So prance, prance, prance around the daisies!  
Don't, don't, don't you forget about the baby!_"

He finished on his knees with a wink, and swore loudly inside his mind because he could feel- _feel_ Billy's freaking smirk burning into his back. Pa reverted back to his original form with a serene smile, "That was some fine girly dancing' boy. You're friends are free," He said, snapping his fingers. Dipper sighed when he felt his original clothes poof back on, "Well I don't think you need to worry about us coming back, so-" He cut himself off when he saw that there was nothing there. A cup then flew over his head, and he blinked before gravity righted itself, yelping as he crashed to the ground again.

Everything else followed him, and he hurried over to help Mabel up from where she was sprawled on the ground. She groaned with a whimper, "Ugh, I’m never gonna eat or do anything again," She mumbled, putting a hand to her head. Dipper hummed as he stooped to pick up a leftover bag of Smile Dip, "Hey, there’s still some left." Mabel shot up and smacked it out of his grasp, "Evil!" She cried. Billy and Wendy crawled out of the cabinet, and everyone else stood up with multiple groans and whines. Nate stumbled, "W-what happened after everything went crazy?" He asked dazedly. Wendy grinned wider than Dipper thought was possible.

"You won't believe it! The ghosts appeared, and Dipper had to-!" She cut off and Billy set a hand on her shoulder and glanced at Dipper, who was looking at his shoes dejectedly. He'd known this was coming, and he would...he would be okay if they ditched him or made fun of him, because he saved them. It would be alright. However, his head shot up when Billy interrupted Wendy, "Dip just grabbed a bat and started beating em down left and right! It was insane, beautiful, honestly," He said earnestly. He winked discreetly at Dipper, and the brunette beamed at him. Nate laughed, "Alright! Dr. Funtimez!"

Billy turned to Dipper while they others chattered animatedly, crossing his heart with a small smile, and Dipper returned the gesture with a grin. Then they all filed outside, getting back in the van as the sun began to rise. Wendy sighed, "Well, I'm probably scarred for life," She admitted, and Billy snorted as he passed, "Who's not?" He snarked before climbing into the back. Dipper rolled his eyes at the blond, "Yeah, it was pretty crazy. You should've seen what we had to deal with _last_ week. Ugh," He groaned and Wendy chuckled. She nodded, "I think I'll just go stare at a wall for a while a rethink everything. Next time, let’s just hang out at the shack," She suggested. Dipper blinked, "Next time?" He asked, surprised. Then he smiled, "Yeah, let’s hang out at the shack!" He agreed happily.

He got in the van and shut the door with a slightly confused frown, "Next time..." He echoed quietly. Then he shook his head and climbed into the back between Billy and a green looking Mabel. She moaned in pain, clutching her stomach, "What kind of sick joke is this?" She grumbled. Dipper rolled his eyes with a chuckle, laying his head back and closing his eyes. They shot back open when he felt something heavy and warm fall onto him from the side. Billy's head was laying on top of his, the blond's side leaning on him. His eyes were closed, his mouth slightly parted with light rumbles that weren't quite snores, but were close enough to get Dipper to smile.

He rolled his eyes fondly, grateful for the teen's body heat as they drove off to drop everyone off, his own eyes drooping. Next thing he knew, everything was dark. Then he was being shaken awake, Mabel's voice floating to his ears. His eyes fluttered open, and he yawned, seeing they were outside the shack, but when he went to get up, he found he was restricted. Billy had wrapped his arms around the boy in his sleep and was now holding him like a teddy bear. Dipper sighed and went to pry the blond's arms off him, only to have Billy's hold tighten like a python, muttering in his sleep.

Dipper looked up, "Um, Mabel? Wendy? Little help," He called. Both girls popped their heads in the back and grinned at what they saw. Dipper squirmed, "He's squashing me, help!" He whined. Wendy giggled, "Oh my God." A flash went off and Dipper groaned when Mabel put away her camera. Wendy shook her head, "Okay, alright, I'll help." She edged onto the seat in front of Billy, grabbing his arms and pulling just as Dipper tried to push. They froze when the sleeping teen let out a deep, almost feral snarl, relaxing when Dipper stopped moving, his embrace closing until it was suffocating. Dipper coughed, "Okay, that didn't work," He said hoarsely. Wendy raised her eyebrows, "Really though," She mumbled. Then she smirked, "BILLY WAKE UP!"

The blond snapped up with a growl, "WHAT?!" He roared, glaring tiredly at Wendy. Dipper poked his arm, "Uh, dude?" He piped up tentatively. Billy turned and gazed at him with surprise, "Shorts!?" He squawked. Dipper nodded with an awkward smile, "Can you, ya know, let me go now?" He prodded. Billy's surprised expression fell and he shut his eyes and again and laid back on the brunette, "No. I have claimed you as my personal teddy bear," He mumbled sleepily. Dipper spluttered and laughed, shoving him off since his hold was loose now, "Quit bein' a dork. I gotta go, see you tomorrow though, Billy," He chirped, hopping down and walking out to catch up with Mabel. 

The blond groaned and fell dramatically across the rest of the seat, "What just happened?" Wendy snickered, "Your personal teddy bear just rejected you." She stated matter-of-factly, smirking when Billy scowled at her. Dipper and Mabel made their way across the lawn as the van sped away, and Dipper jumped ten feet in the air when he heard a yell and a crash, whipping his head around to see the TV come flying out of the living room window. Stan poked his head out sheepishly, "Uh, I couldn't find the remote."

Later that night, Dipper was staring up at his ceiling, thinking hard. Wendy... He groaned and scrubbed a hand down his face. He glared at the wooden beams, "I don't understand. How did I just _stop_ liking her, just like that!? Is she just...not attractive to me anymore? Ugh, forget it," He grumbled irritably, turning over on his side. He fell asleep with blond hair in mind that night, red tresses long forgotten.


	8. GLSSHU YV. PDQOLQHVV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper feels girly, and takes matters into his own hands. Billy begins to overthink things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God help these children. Song for this chapter:  
> I'm Not Here For Your Entertainment by P!NK

A few days after the whole ghost incident at Dusk 2 Dawn, Dipper was outside with Mabel, inspecting the little moving rocks from the journal which where skittering around on little stick legs in the bowl Dipper had caught them in, bumping into each other and the walls of the container, flipping over and flailing their stick legs frantically. Dipper made notes in the journal on them, finding they weren't actually in there, and finished up the page with a sketch of one of the little guys, the one Mabel had named Georgette.

He had no idea what classified them as male or female, so he just assumed they were nonbinary. He snapped the journal shut just as his and Mabel's stomach growled loudly in unison. Mabel giggled, "Looks like it’s time to feed the monsters!" Dipper smiled at her, "Do you need to quote Mom every time that happens?" He asked, amused. Mabel stood and helped him up, "Yep!" She popped the 'p' happily and they walked back inside. Tyler Cutebiker was lifting up two shirts, weighing them it seemed, "Puma shirt? Panther shirt? Puma shirt...? Panther shirt?" He muttered to himself. The twins passed him and went to bother their Grunkle, who was standing at the cash register. Mabel laid across the counter dramatically, "Grunkle Stan, let’s go eat!" She urged. Dipper grabbed his shirt and puffed it out as if grabbing his gut, "We're hungry," He moaned in despair, collapsing dramatically to the ground, Mabel following with a groan of her own, clutching their stomachs with little groans.

Stan rolled his eyes at the two, "Yeah, yeah, fine. As soon as this yahoo makes up his mind, we'll leave." He jabbed his elbow in the direction of Tyler as the twins stood back up, counting his profits before tucking them back in the register and slamming it shut. He sniffed, "I'm okay with locking him in if you are," He said bluntly. Dipper paled, "I don't think that's a good idea," He said. He kneaded his lip between his teeth for a moment, then lit up, "Hold on, I have an idea." He then walked over to Tyler and spoke to him quietly. The cutoff wearing man turned red and hastily scrambled over to the counter, slamming the money for both shirts down before hurrying out with his purchases. Dipper walked back over to the other two with smile, pleased with himself. Mabel raised an eyebrow as Stan quickly counted Tyler's money, "What'd you say to him?" She asked curiously. Dipper shrugged, "I just told him that his 'friend' Manly Dan had taken an uncertain interest in mixed breeds of jungle cats lately." He shook his head, "He doesn't even know how obvious they are. It’s so apparent they're dating, everybody knows."

"THEY'RE WHAT!?" Stan yelped, gray eyes wide. Dipper flinched, "Okay, apparently not _everybody_ knew," He mumbled. Stan shook his head, "I'm good friends with Manly Dan! Tyler I can believe, but Dan... I would've thought he'd have told me." He looked dejected, but not disgusted. Mabel tilted her head, "So you're not upset that they're dating? Cuz most people your age get offended," She said carefully. Stan scoffed, "What've I got to be offended for? Their life, their hearts, not my business or my problem," He replied with a sniff. He then sighed, "Besides, my... Someone I used to be very close to was like that. I loved him like a brother anyway, until we had a falling out." He then shook his head and rounded the counter, "But it was long time ago, c'mon. Let’s go eat." The twins glanced at each other curiously, but followed him out to the car.

 

[:•:]

 

They made it to Greasy's diner without wrecking into anything, which Dipper considered quite the feat considering Stan was driving. They went into the diner, and Dipper's eyes automatically zeroed in on a pair of gold flecked blue ones. Billy perked up from where he sat at one of the torn up booths, raising the hand he'd been using to reach for the syrup to wave at them, "Hey Shorts! Sweaters!" He called with a grin. Stan ambled over with grunt, "What am I, chopped liver?" He grumbled, sliding into the booth opposite the blond. Billy snorted, "Nah, but you're starting to look like it old man," He teased snidely. Stan scoffed and rolled his eyes with a fond chuckle. 

Billy slid over so Dipper could sit beside him as Mabel sat next to Stan, and the brunette boy glanced at the freaking _giant_ stack of pancakes. Dipper raised an eyebrow, "I thought you were broke?" He said incredulously as Billy put his forkful in his mouth. The teen hummed and swallowed, "Oh I am. But I watched Lazy Susan's cats last week and she owed me, so I came here for breakfast," He explained with a shrug. Dipper tilted his head, "I didn't know you liked cats," He wondered aloud. Billy grinned, "I hate them, actually! That’s why I get free food." He stuck another forkful of pancake in his mouth. 

Lazy Susan ambled over, and Stan perked up, "Lazy Susan! There's my little ray of sunshine! Where were you last night?" Stan purred, wiggling his eyebrows. Billy choked, banging his chest with his fist as he spluttered, and Dipper hastily handed him his drink. He downed half of it a panted, laughing hoarsely, and Dipper rolled his hazel eyes at the dork. Susan smiled, "I got hit by a bus!" She chirped happily, and Dipper raised his eyebrows. Mabel was looking back and forth between the two adults with mischievous eyes Dipper knew all too well. Stan grinned, "Ha ha! Hilarious!" He replied just as cheerfully. Susan giggled, "Thank you! Now what're y'all having?" She asked. Stan glanced at the menu, "You do split plates, right?" He asked. The old woman hummed, "Maybe...wink." She said, lifting up her closed eyelid caked with blue eye shadow, and replacing it back down. Dipper decided that was the weirdest thing he'd seen all day, and he'd just been taking notes on rocks with stick legs and no genitals. 

Stan smiled, "Great, we'll split one fourth of the number seven, plus a free salad dressing for the lady, and a plate of ketchup for the boy," He reported, and Dipper held up a napkin to catch Billy's spit take as he choked again, saving Mabel and her second favorite purple sweater. Billy coughed, straightening to look at Stan disbelievingly, "One _fourth_ of a fucking plate? Is that even a thing?" He demanded, yelping when Mabel reached over and flicked him. The blond rubbed his arm where Mabel had clipped it, "Sorry Mabes. You should start a swear jar." He muttered. Dipper looked up, "I agree though. Seriously, salad dressing?" He said, crossing his arms. Mabel pouted, "Yeah, c'mon Grunkle Stan! I want pancakes!" She whined. Billy nodded, "Yeah, why don't you order a plate for Mabel and you to share, and I'll share with Hazel?" He offered. Stan looked briefly confused, "Hazel?" He asked, befuddled. 

Dipper sighed and raised his hand, "That would be me. He's weird about nicknames. Apparently he still hasn't found mine," He explained. Then he turned his head to face the blond, "And I don't wanna steal your food, man. You live off Ramen noodles and off brand sprite, I won't do that to you," He told him. Billy rolled his eyes, "Do you always have a working morale compass the size of Russia?" He grumbled, and Dipper scoffed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a sign hanging above a video game called 'Manliness Tester' in the corner. 'FREE PANCAKES' it read, and Dipper brightened. He smiled, "Pancakes are on me! I’m gonna win em by beating that Manliness Tester," He stated confidently (sort of). All three of them blinked at him.

"Manliness Tester?"

"Beating?"

"You?"

Stan and Mabel looked at each other, then burst out laughing, making Dipper shrink in on himself. Stan cackled, banging his palm on the table, "He says- He says he's gonna- ha ha!" Mabel put her head on the table as her shoulders shook, and Dipper felt an annoyed flush creep up the back of his neck, "What? What's so funny?" He demanded, and Mabel looked up, brown eyes twinkling with mirth, "No offense Dipper, but you're not exactly Manly Mannington." Dipper drew himself up, "Hey, I am too Manly Manny, or whatever you said!" He retorted, crossing his arms. Billy rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "Sorry Braveheart, but I have to agree with them. Your marshmallowness just kinda overpowers the rest of you," He admitted sheepishly.

Dipper flinched, then rolled his eyes, "Great to see even my best friend isn't on my side," He muttered bitterly, and Billy's eyes widened. Stan snorted, "Face the music, kid. You've got no muscles, you smell like baby wipes, and let’s not forget last Tuesday's _incident_ ," He said pointedly. Dipper's face erupted in heat, but before he could reply, Mabel looked up, "Not to mention you've been getting roses from-" Billy slapped a hand over her mouth just as Dipper shouted, "HEY, would you look at that over there!" Brayden did _not_ need to be brought up right now, not in this conversation, and definitely not in public, and Dipper glared discreetly at Mabel. 

Dipper hopped off the booth to get away from Stan's curious stare, hurrying over to the tester, "I'm gonna prove you all wrong!" He called back, standing before it. Suddenly the room darkened, and he realized he was being stared at, and his palms dampened nervously as he gulped. ' _They're watching you, they're going to see you fail, they'll laugh for weeks-no, months! They'll hurt you, go sit back down and shut up, they can't see you if you make yourself small enough-_ ' Dipper was snapped out of his growing panic attack by Stan's voice, "Quit stalling!" He barked. Dipper gulped, "Right. Okay Dipper, chill out. They're not watching, you are alone," He whispered to himself, taking the lever in his fist and pulling as hard as he could. The light began to slowly move up past Wimp, and over Middle Aged Woman, edging over Barely Possible. Dipper shook his head a bit, "Not watching, not watching, not watching," He chanted softly. 

Suddenly a chill passed over him and his palm twinged, racing through the rest of him. His eyes widened when the man painted onto the machine warped and turned black, that horribly familiar single, blazing blue iris gazing at him, the jagged row of fangs below it stretching into a grin. Claws inched over the wood towards him, " _ **I aM wAtChInG, LiTtLe TrEe...**_ " It sang, echoing around him and rattling in his ears. He released the lever in surprise, falling back with a yelp. He rubbed his eyes harshly, blinking back up, and it was gone. He'd let go just before the machine had judged, falling back to Wimp, spitting a certificate at him that read, "You're a cutie patootie!" In baby pink letters. Figures.

Dipper stood with an angry growl. That wasn't fair! He'd gotten rid of the bracelet, he shouldn't be seeing that stupid thing anymore, whatever it was. To save face and make sure he wasn't taken to the mental ward, he glanced around with a nervous smile, "Ha, it must be broken," He said weakly. He was nudged out of the way by Billy, who cracked his knuckles on his thighs before standing before the machine. The blond sniffed, rolling up his sleeves, "It’s about to be," He grumbled, gripping the handle. Dipper warily watched him, and the teen jerked back with a grunt, and the lights all lit up as Billy stumbled backwards into Dipper, who caught him. Billy swore and looked at the handle in his hand, "Whoops," He murmured sheepishly. The entire game shook violently, and pancakes exploded out of the top, and Dipper paled, "You really did break it," He muttered. 

Everyone cheered, and Billy stood with a grin as he jogged back to his table and stood on the booth with his arms spread wide, "Pancakes for everyone!" He boomed with a smirk. Mabel sighed dreamily, and Dipper spluttered when a pancake landed on his head, but he froze when he heard Stan's voice, "Yeesh, how am I related to _that_?" He grumbled. Dipper paused, then ripped the breakfast food off his head, tearing the paper certificate to shreds before stalking out of the diner, hurt and fuming. Billy noticed, and he hastily scrambled down, "Ah geez. Shorts! Hey, come back Starchild!" He called, jogging out after him. Dipper was walking down the street, muttering to himself, and staggered away when he turned to see the two cops from last week running around half naked in the spray of the fire hydrant. 

"What the h-" He stammered as he stumbled, almost falling but being caught by familiar arms. Billy pushed him lightly into standing position, and tilted his head at him, "Hey, you just up and left! I thought you were hungry," He said. Dipper shrugged him off and kept walking, shoving his hands in his vest pockets, "Lost my appetite," He mumbled, kicking a rock dejectedly. Billy kept up with him, "Well you could've at least stayed to ask Stan-" He was cut off when Dipper whirled on him, "Would you just leave me alone!?" He shouted, angry, eyes shining wetly. Billy stopped to blink at the brunette, who huffed, "I don't need to ask Stan anything," He hissed, turning on heel and stomping away. 

The blond then shook his head, "Whoa, hey! Hold up a minute! Is this about what Stan said at the table? Shorts, they were just teasi-" Dipper's fists clenched, "I don't care! Just...go away!" He snapped, then running off into the trees. Billy started after him, "Dipper!" He called. Then a lady stopped him, "Let him go. He looks like he's had a rough day, he just needs some time," She urged with a small smile. Then she bit her lip, "Would you mind showing me where the post office is? Before you go look for him, that is..." Billy kneaded his lip between his teeth, casting a worried glance at the forest, then sighing, "Sure. I need to talk to Jeff anyway."

 

[:•:]

 

Dipper puffed as he bench-pressed the stick he'd found on the forest floor, "...two, three, four, f-five-" He dropped it to his chest, panting. Why did he pick up such a big stick? He tossed it away and peeked underneath his shirt, sighing, "No chest hair yet," He mumbled. He took out the bag of beef jerky some random guy had given him earlier while running from the half naked cops through the trees (well, he'd more or less just threw it at Dipper and darted off screaming, "I'll never steal again! My eyes!"). His eyes roved over the bold letters that screamed 'YOU'RE INADEQUATE!' on the cover, and he blew out a breath, "You said it brother. I need help," He grumbled, popping the bag open and putting a small piece in his mouth.

He yelped when the ground began to shake, and little forest animals began to skitter towards him, leaping down from trees and rushing past him with frightened titters. Large, stomping footsteps began to come towards him and he screeched, then coughed, "Wait...hold up," He muttered, adjusting his posture and deepening his voice to a manly yell that resulted in a coughing fit. His eyes widened when he saw a large furry creature that looked like a mutated cow with goat legs come tromping through the trees, a dirty bandana wrapped around its skull, a golden nose ring protruding from its wide nostrils. It let out a loud roar that had Dipper's ears ringing, then blinking when the thing yawned and grabbed a random buck that hadn't run away fast enough, using it as a backscratcher before tossing it away with a grunt.

The buck got up and pranced off on shaking hooves, and the monster turned in Dipper's direction, making the brunette squeak and hide behind the log he was next to. The monster knocked it out of the way, and Dipper held up his hands, "Please don't eat me! I haven't showered in like a week! I'm all bones, bones and fat, no meat at all!" He yelped out, scrambling backwards like a crab. The thing jabbed a think finger in his direction, "You!" He boomed, and Dipper flinched. The monster smiled and pointed to the bag on the ground, "Gonna finish that?" He finished, at a normal volume.

Dipper blinked, then lowered his hands, "Uh, no. Knock yourself out man," He said unsurely, tossing the cow-thing the bag of jerky. It tore into it, and Dipper dared to venture closer, "I can't believe it." Yes he could. "A half human, half animal hybrid. Are you some kind of, um, minotaur?" He asked, remembering a book he'd read recently on the ancient Greeks. The minotaur looking thing pause in its eating and snorted, "I'm a MANotaur! Half man! Half...uh, taur!" He bellowed, driving his fist into the ground and making it tremble. Dipper staggered but regained his balance as he stood, "So did I like, summon you, or...?" He trailed off as the manotaur stood again, "The smell of jerky summoned me! JERKY! Ha ha!" He cried, smashing a boulder on his head. Then he sniffed the air around Dipper, "I smell...emotional issues," He said with wide eyes. 

Dipper sighed, "I've got problems, Manotaur. Man related problems," He admitted. Manotaur sat down next to Dipper, motioning for him to continue. Dipper sat with a sigh as well, “Well, it’s just that my own Uncle called me a wimp, and my best friend called me a marshmallow. Well, he’s _been_ calling me a marshmallow- but that’s not the point! The point is, I flunked this manliness game thing, and now… Well, hey, you seem pretty manly. Mind giving me some pointers?” He asked hopefully. The Manotaur snuffed and stood, then knelt back down, “Very well, climb atop my back hair, child,” He urged.

Dipper raised an eyebrow, but sighed and did so anyway. Once he was settled, Manotaur took off loping through the trees, and Dipper got smacked in the face more than once, by branch and an angry bird. He let out a scream when the Manotaur lept over a wide chasm that had clichéspiky rocks below, but the monster just laughed and continued on to climb the mountain ahead of them. 

If Dipper was hurting Manotaur from how tightly he was hanging on, he didn't show it, choosing instead smash his shoulder through the mountain side, making a Manotaur shaped hole. They rolled inside, and Dipper tumbled off his back with a yelp, landing on his butt with a grunt. He looked around to see many other Manotaurs walking around. They were yelling, wrestling, lifting weights, arm wrestling, drinking questionable brown substances; doing manly stuff. Dipper stood with a grin, "Whoa! This place is awesome!" He exclaimed excitedly. Manotaur nodded and began leading Dipper across the room, "The gnomes live in the trees, the merpeople in the water, cuz they're _losers_! But we manotaurs crash in the Man Cave!" He shouted proudly as he picked up a mallet.

He swung it hard, hitting the gong behind him and rattling Dipper's brain to garner the attention of the other manotaurs. He straightened as they gather round, "Beasts! I have brought you, a hairless child," He explained, waving his hand at Dipper. The brunette coughed awkwardly, "Uh, sup?" He murmured, averting his eyes with a light flush at the attention. The original manotaur pointed at the crowd, "This is Pubetor, Testosteror, Pituitor, and my name is Chutzpar. And you are?" He turned to Dipper after naming a few of the crowd, and the boy shifted, "M-my name's Dipper," He replied, taken aback when he received a round of booing in return.

He quickly straightened, "The...Destructor?" He said it like a question. The manotaurs nodded to one another in approval, "That's better," They mumbled. Chutzpar tried to gain their attention again, but failed, so he hit the gong again, annoyed. He nodded when the all quieted, "Dipper the Destructor wants us to teach him the secrets of our manliness," He explained, and Dipper suddenly remembered why he was here.

He tugged down his shirt to show his chest, "I need your help! Look at this, guys! Look at this!" He said, gesturing to his baby smooth chest. Pituitor raised an eyebrow, then raised his hand, "I must confer with the High Council," He muttered, then they all turned into a circle, and muttered for a moment, but Dipper caught some of it. "Human...don't like him." Then the one on the left got in another's space, "I DONT LIKE YOUR FACE!" He roared, and they all pounced on each other, tumbling and punching and screaming insults like gladiators. One pair knocked over the air hockey table, and Dipper stifled a giggle, "I like these guys," He said appreciatively.

They all calmed back down and huddled again, then Pituitor turned back around, "After a lot of punching, we've decided to deny your request to learn our manly secrets," He stated bluntly. Pubetor screamed, "DENIED!" And socked himself in the nose. Dipper looked a little put off, and his smile fell, "Denied?" He asked quietly. Then he kneaded his lip in between his teeth for a moment, seeming contemplative, before looking up with a smirk and crossing his arms, "Okay, that's fine with me. Obviously you guys think it would be too hard to train me. Or maybe, you're not _man_ enough to try," He challenged. Pituitor drew himself up, "Not man enough?" He echoed, eyes narrowing. Chutzpar cast a glance at Dipper, "Destructor," He hissed warningly, but Dipper wasn't fazed. 

Pituitor stomped forward, "Not _man_ enough!? I have three Y chromosomes, six adams apples, pecks on my abs, and fists for nipples!" He boomed, showing them off. Dipper made a slightly disgusted face, before smoothing it back over, "Seems to me you're just too scared to teach me. Hey, do you guys hear that? Huh, it sounds like- bock, bock. Oh, that's weird- bock- it sounds like-" He clucked loudly and stepped back, "Yeah, that's right, a bunch of chickens!" He snapped, leaning back with a smug smile. The manotaurs gasped, and Pubetor turned into the group, "I feel all weird," He grumbled. Testosteror nodded, "He's using some sort of, uh, brain magic." 

They muttered some more, and Dipper crossed his fingers, praying this would work. They turned back around, "After a second round of deliberation, we have decided. We shall help you become a man," Pubetor admitted, and Dipper grinned as all the others started to chant, "Man! Man! Man!" Dipper laughed triumphantly, "Awesome! Thanks guys, whatever it is, I will not let you down," He promised with a determined nod. Chutzpar grinned and clapped him on the back, “Good! The first challenge is the Pain Hole!” Dipper’s eyes widened, “Wait, WHAT!?”

 

[:•:]

 

"Look lady, you're getting us hopelessly lost," Billy snapped irritably. He'd tried to shake off the woman after taking her to the post office, but she'd attached herself to his arm like a leech. "I'll help you find him! He's probably cooled off by now, he can't stay mad at you forever. My little sister never can either." She'd assured him. He hadn't bothered to correct her, but still, it had been an hour and they were no closer to finding the kid.

Billy was starting to get worried. He really didn't need to retrogress his plan right now, he was already behind, and Shorts was his key, he was sure of it.Yet this woman was being hopelessly obvious in her attraction for him, and successfully distracting him and getting them completely lost. The woman simpered, "Oh no, I know where we are now. We're a _long_ way away from anybody," She mused.

Billy let out a grunt as he was shoved up against the nearest tree. He blinked owlishly at the woman who was biting her lip seductively at him. She trailed her finger along the hem of his hoodie, "We're so far no one can hear me scream~" She whispered suggestively. Billy felt a twinge of annoyance, and a twinge of discomfort in his lower back, but he smoothed his expression into a smug smirk, placing his hands lightly on her hips, "As tempting as that sounds," He purred, hands tightening on her waist. _Like sticking a fork through your eye_. Billy leaned forward and the woman's breathed hitched, "We really need to find Dipper," He finished, then quickly stepped around her while her hold was lax. 

The woman let out an offended noise, finally seeming to be tired of chasing the rabbit (not that she could call it that), and crossed her arms, "Find him yourself. God, nobody pays attention me nowadays," She grumbled as she stalked off. Billy snorted and rolled his eyes, "Nice to meet you too," He muttered as he trumped through the underbrush again. He paused when he heard a scream off in the distance. His eyes widened, "Dip," He breathed, then automatically whirled on the heel on his combat boots and raced off into the forest. 

 

[:•:]

 

Dipper panted as he heaved the wagon filled with the entire High Council of manotaurs up the mountain. His hand was heavily bandaged, but it just made him more determined. He'd done twenty other trials already. He grit his teeth every time his grip slipped, "Call me a wimp again, WHY DON'T YOU!?" He roared, and pressed on with a grunt, making the manotaurs cheer loudly. He finally made it to the top of road, and he stopped, leaning over to pant for breath. He'd taken his shirt off, and it was now tucked in the back pocket of his shorts, and Chutzpar got out of the wagon to give a high five. Dipper raised his hand weakly, only to stumble when Chutzpar quickly moved, "Rule number six: real men do not high five! We chest bump and head butt! Try it, Destructor, come on!" He urged, leaning his head down. 

Dipper hesitated, then squeezed his eyes shut and slammed his head against the manotaur's with a shout, then staggered away with a groan, clutching his forehead. Pituitor laughed and slapped something itchy against Dipper's chest. He looked down dizzily to see it was glued on chest hair. His brow furrowed and he puffed out his chest proudly, following the rest of them with a war cry to the next challenge. Straight to the river, filled with slumbering crocodiles. Dipper gulped, but then glared, rushing forward with a grunt and leaping barefoot into the mess of deadly reptiles. He flipped from head to head, sharp teeth barely missing his ankles until he made it to the other side. The group cheered again in approval, and Dipper grinned. 

Chutzpar lead him to the gorge, and they jumped it, Dipper ecstatic that he did it with little hesitation or fear, and following them back into the Man Cave to stare at some posters ("Because everyone needs motivation," Chutzpar had said), then moved on to drinking out of fire hydrants, learning how to spit, and more. Half an hour later, Dipper was extremely pleased with himself, lounging in the manotaurs community public hot springs with a smile. He sighed, sinking a little deeper into the water that was doing wonders for his now sore limbs. He grinned shyly, "Guys, I gotta say, these last couple hours have been...well, I just feel like-like there's really been some growth here," He admitted, leaning his elbows on the outside if the tub.

"I have a growth!" The youngest one Dipper had met piped up. The brunette snorted, "Clark, you are hilarious today! All of you have been just awesome, taking me under your wing like this, and being so supportive," He said earnestly. Chutzpar swatted at him playfully, "Oh stop," He said mockingly. Dipper laughed, "I'm serious! I really feel like I'm becoming a man here." Chutzpar sat up, teasing gone, "Not yet, Destructor. One final task remains, the deadliest one of all," He warned. Dipper straightened and put on a scowl, "I've survived forty nine other trials," He started, then slamming his fist down in the water, "Whatever it is, BRING IT ON!" He cried, and they all yelled and laughed in approval.

Chutzpar helped Dipper out of the Hot Spring and gave him a change of clothes, which wasn’t really _clothes_ at all; it was just a loincloth and a bunch of temporary tattoos. He changed into them anyway, shoving his natural discomfort to being this exposed down, and slapping on the tattoos before following Chutzpar out into the throng where everyone was waiting. He lept up onto the stand in the middle of the crowd, and the first row of manotaurs knelt down to let the second row bang bones on their horns to the sound of drums.

Dipper stood up tall and clenched his fists, and Chutzpar nodded, "Behold our leader, Leadertaur!" He proclaimed, and Dipper watched as an old manotaur dressed in robes with a staff came ambling out of the shadows. He blinked, then leaned to Chutzpar, "So, is he like the oldest, or wisest?" He trailed off uncertainly. Chutzpar glanced at him incredulously, "No. He's just the offering." The old manotaur held up a hand, "Greetings, you-!" He was cut off as a snout came out of seemingly nowhere and bit him nearly clean in half, bringing him back up to slurp the rest of him down. Dipper gawked and clutched his throat with a wince.

The one known as Leadertaur was a black manotaur the size of the mountain itself, fiery red eyes gleaming out of a moss covered face with scars plastered over its face, shoulders, and chest. It snorted at Dipper, leaning down, " **So you wish to be a man?** " He asked deeply, his voice a rumble that shook the ground. Dipper shook away his shock and cleared his throat, letting out a loud roar and banging on his now tattooed chest. "YEAH!" The rest of the manotaurs shouted in approval, and Leadertaur sniffed and straightened.

" **Then you must do heroic act, and go to highest mountain** ," He gruffed, then plunged his fist inside his own chest and pulled out a long, thin bone with a growl, letting it clatter at Dipper's feet. It was a spear. Leadertaur huffed, " **And bring back head of...The Multibear!** " He bellowed, and Dipper tilted his head to the side. "Multibear... Is that some sort of bear...?" He said uncertainly. Leadertaur nodded, " **He's our sworn enemy! Conquer him, and your mansformation will be complete,** " He explained. Dipper toed the spear with his barefoot, "Conquer? I dunno, man..." he trailed off as every single person that's ever called him weak or a wimp came to mind to scream and laugh at him. His lip curled back into a snarl, and he picked up the spear with shout.

"I SHALL CONQUER THE MULTIBEAR!"

"Shorts?"

Dipper went rigid, and all the manotaurs gasped. He whipped his head around to Billy's form standing in the hole Chutzpar had made earlier. The brunette narrowed his eyes as the blond stepped forward and began walking towards him. The manotaurs all shifted back and even Leadertaur looked unnerved, "Y-you're not welcome here!" He said, semi firmly. Billy ignored him, "I've been worried sick about you, Hazel! This is where you've been?" He asked, looking around with a sneer.

Dipper straightened, "How did _you_ get here?" He questioned, perhaps more harshly than he'd meant to. Billy stopped and raised an eyebrow, "I know your voice from a mile away, Dip. It wasn't that hard to trace." Billy tilted his head at him and Dipper winced. Then he glared, "I thought I told you to leave me alone," He snapped. Chutzpar's eyes widened, "Destructor," He began warningly, reaching for the boy. Dipper shrugged him off, and Billy looked taken aback, "You've been gone for a little over two hours, everyone's been worried," He answered. Dipper bared his teeth, "They shouldn't be, I can take care of myself!" 

He hopped down from the stand with the spear in hand, going for the same hole Billy had stepped through, "And now I'm gonna conquer the Multibear. See if you can call me a marshmallow then," He grumbled, snarling when Billy moved to block his way. Chutzpar spluttered, " _This_ is your best friend!?" He stammered. Dipper glanced at the manotaur, "Yeah, but not for much longer if he doesn't _move outta my way_ ," He replied threateningly. Billy shook his head, "I can't let you do this, Shorts. At least not alone, let me come with you," He said softly. Dipper scowled, "I wasn't asking for your permission," He hissed, and the manotaurs sucked in a breath. Dipper shook his head, passing him, "And no, you're not. What did we talk about, Billy? Trust. Right now, you're not really giving me any."

Billy opened and closed his mouth for a moment, then sighed a stepped aside, "Fine. I can't stop you, but I'll wait here for you. Then we'll go finish watching the Lion King, alright?" He said softly, but firmly, leaving no room for argument. Dipper paused, then smiled, "Thank you." Pituitor spoke up, "Uh, do you have to stay here-?" Billy snapped his gaze back, "Quiet!" He barked, and they all flinched back. Dipper didn't notice, as he was already out of the hole and climbing up the mountain. 

Dipper grunted and swung the spear over his back so he could climb with both hands, and he soon made it to the gaping maw of a cave at the top of the mount. He took the spear and took a deep breath, eyes lidding dangerously as he made his way carefully inside. He kicked a bone away with his foot with a frown, "What even is a Multibear?" He mumbled quietly, but it echoed around the cave, and before he knew what was happening, a pile of fur with several different pairs of eyes and mouths rose up in front of him, the one at the top wearing an eyepatch with several gray furs scattered about its face. Dipper gulped, "Oh. That's a Multibear."

It snuffed, "Bear heads, silence! Shush!" The top head hissed, smacking a head on the right that kept roaring at Dipper. It whimpered and quieted. He sniffed and turned back to Dipper, "Child, why have you come here?" He rumbled. Dipper shook off his hesitation and narrowed his eyes, "Multibear, I seek your head!" He barked, aiming his spear. Multibear snarled at him, "This is foolish. Turn back now, or die!" Dipper let out a war cry and ran forward, and Multibear growled, "So be it!" He ran forward as well, all his heads roaring. He swiped a paw at Dipper, but Dipper ran up the wall and back flipped behind him, landing in a crouch. Multibear roars and whirls, kicking a pile of sharpened bones at the boy, who rolled behind a rock just in time to not get killed.

He panted, gripping the spear tightly, "C'mon Dipper, focus!" He chided himself. He lept out from behind the rock with a grunt and launched himself at the bear, scrambling up its body and dodging snaps from its various snouts. He hefted himself up behind the top head and pressed the body of his spear against its throat, pulling hard. It choked out a hoarse gasp of surprise and went down. Dipper stood on its stomach, raising his spear, "A real man shows no mercy!" He proclaimed, and Multibear sighed. He closed his eye, "Very well, warrior. I accept my fate. But will you grant this old magical being one last request?" He asked tiredly. Dipper's face flickered in surprise, and he lowered his spear just a bit. He rubbed the back of his neck, "Uh, sure man. What is it?" He asked.

Multibear gestured with his snout(s) at the boombox over in the corner, "I wish to die, listening to my favorite song. The tape's already in there, you'll just have to press play," He explained as Dipper carefully got off him. Dipper kept a wary eye on the bear, fearing this may have been a trick, but he wandered over and pressed play anyway. His eyes widened impossibly as music began to fill the cave- he knew this song! He caught the case of the tape out of the corner of his eye, and picked it up, clutching it, "You listen to Icelandic pop group BABBA?" He questioned softly. He turned around, "I-I love BABBA," He muttered weakly. Multibear looked surprised, "I thought I was the only one. All the manotaurs made fun of me because I know all the words to the song Disco Girl," He explained. Dipper grinned.

"You mean, Disco girl!"

"Comin' through!"

"That girl is you!"

They laughed and Dipper rubbed his arm, "This is great! Finally, someone who understands-" He cut himself off as he felt the spear graze his ankle. His smile fell, "Oh. I guess I have, um, kill you now? Or I'll never be a man?" He said questionably. Multibear sighed, "I accept my fate," He repeated, bowing his head. Dipper felt his morale code begin to rise up to throttle him. This was an innocent beast, labeled, scorned, and because his taste in _music_ , was shown to be a bad guy. He didn't deserve to die. Yet Dipper had been ready to end his life without even knowing him, going off only what he'd been told. He berated himself mentally; he knew better than that. So with a deep breath, he stabbed the spear into the ground, and offered his hand to the Multibear.

"I'm not gonna do it. You're a pretty cool guy, Multibear, and you didn't do anything wrong. The manotaurs shouldn't be so rude to you," Dipper stated firmly as he helped the bear up. He gave Multibear a concerned look, "Are you gonna be okay up here? I mean, I just tackled you to the ground and choked you out," He said with a wince. Multibear smiled and nodded, "Thank you for sparing me, young warrior. I suppose I am in your debt," He rumbled, then trundled back over to his pile of fabrics and collapsed onto them and abruptly started snoring. 

Dipper shook his head with a chuckle, then going to stand at the opening of the cave. He stared down and felt anger boil up to the surface of his skin. The manotaurs had tricked him. He growled and grabbed the spear.

 

[:•:]

 

Billy gazed boredly at the manotaurs, getting more anxious by the minute. If Shorts was dead... He shook his head, he couldn't think like that. His eyes flicked back to the opening just in time to widen. Dipper flipped down and landed on his feet, stalking towards the stand once more. His eyes were dark, and his knuckles flushed white with his small hands in fists. It gave Billy chills. He smiled in relief, "Dip...!" He trailed off as Dipper stomped right past him, leaping onto the stand with much more agility than he'd had a few hours before. 

Leadertaur raised his eyebrows and Dipper stood tall with a scowl, "I refuse to go through with the final task!" He barked, slamming the spear down at Leadertaur's hooves. The manotaurs gasped, and Leadertaur growled, " **You were told to bring me the Multibear's head! That is the price of manhood!** " He boomed. Dipper glared, "Well then listen up Leadertaur! You too Chutzpar, Pubetor, and...I forgot what your name was...Beardy? Yeah, you too! You sent me to kill an innocent beast that has done nothing to harm you, claiming that it is my price to becoming a man! But you know what I think? I think you're all just a bunch of self-centered _jerks_!" The manotaurs gasped again, and Dipper huffed.

"So maybe I don't have muscles, or hair in certain places, and sure, sometimes when a pop song comes on the radio, I let it play, because gosh darnit top forties are in the top forty for a reason; they're catchy!" He took a deep breath and regained his train of thought. Chutzpar raised his eyebrows, "Destructor, what're you saying?" He asked uncertainly. Dipper scowled again, "I'm saying that you may be manly but you're cowards! I won't kill the Multibear just because you dislike him for petty reasons such as choice of music," He spat. Leadertaur stood abruptly front his chair, shaking the mountain, " **Watch yourself, little human!** " He snorted, getting in Dipper's face. The brunette bared his teeth right back, and Leadertaur snorted in anger, " **As of now, your choices are kill the Multibear or never become a man!** "

Dipper rolled his shoulders back with a sigh, "Then I guess I'll never be a man," He retorted simply, then hopping off the stand and walking through the shocked crowd that parted for him like Moses and the Red sea. He went back into the Hot Springs room and changed back into his clothes, walking back out to find Billy standing frozen where he was, all the other manotaurs still watching him. Dipper sighed and grabbed the blind's wrist, "C'mon, let’s go home," He grumbled, tugging Billy out of the hole and down the path of the mountain.

They walked in silence, Billy seeming to be in some sort of trance as Dipper pulled him towards town, walking down the street. Suddenly Billy hissed and quickly tugged Dipper into an alleyway. Dipper let out a surprise shout, and Billy slapped a hand over his mouth, "Shush! That lady, across the street, she has it out for me now," He muttered, gulping. Dipper tugged the blond's hand off his mouth, "Why?" He whispered back. Billy groaned quietly, "She was hanging all over me, claiming she was gonna help me find you, so she led me out to the forest because she wanted to have sex with me, but I turned her down and now she hates my guts. She came back with a fucking _crossbow_ , who just randomly has a crossbow for people that turn them down!?" Dipper was so confused by the end of Billy's rant that he couldn't decide which question to ask first.

He finally decided on one, "Sex?" He said the word awkwardly, it rolling strangely off his tongue. Billy rolled his eyes and waved his hand dismissively, "Intercourse, fucking, making love, coitus, you know," He mumbled distractedly. His eyes snapped over to Dipper when the brunette shook his head slowly with an incredulous expression. The teen paled, "Oooh my God, you don't know. Of course you don't know what it is, you're twelve! I'm an idiot, I am such an idiot, I should not have said that..." Billy whispered loudly to himself. Dipper tilted his head, "What is it?" He asked curiously. 

Billy gave a little 'why me' laugh with a groan, scrubbing a hand over his face. He opened his eyes and glared a little bit, "We are not going to have this conversation." He stated bluntly. Dipper crossed his arms with a huff, "You're the one who brought it up! Now you have to tell me," He shot back. Billy shook his head with a whine, putting his face in his hands. Dipper frowned, "We did talk about _trusting_ me, right?" He asked with a small pout. Billy let out a strangled sound, "No, look Shorts. Ugh, this isn't about trust, okay? This is too embarrassing and you shouldn't be hearing it from me. Maybe Stan or somebody, but not me." He glanced up at Dipper's pouting face, and hesitated, then caved with a groan.  
He knelt down and grabbed Dipper's shoulders, "Okay, fine! Has anyone told you where babies come from?" He began rushedly, trying to get it all out as his face painted red. 

Dipper blinked, "I-I got the really cliché stork story, but I started to doubt it when I saw babies in the hospital, but I never really delved into where they actually came from. An entire network of birds carrying children across the globe seems a little farfetched, right?" Billy shook his head with a sigh, "Yeah, no. That's bullshit. Look, you really wanna know?" He asked, eyes pleading with him to say no. Dipper raised an eyebrow and nodded. Billy gave a moan of despair, but told him. Dipper and Billy's faces both started to go red the more the blond talked, especially when he elaborated on gay couples like Tyler and Dan. Dipper sunk down to the alleyway ground when Billy finished talking, putting his face in his hands, "Nevermind, I lied. I didn't wanna know."

Billy nodded with a heavy sigh, "Thought so. Now come on, we've got a movie marathon to finish." He offered Dipper his hand, and the brunette took it with a soft laugh, "And that lady wanted to do that with you? Geez," He snorted with a chuckle. Billy blinked, then laughed in surprise, "You never cease to amaze me, Hazel."

Dipper coughed a little, "And, um, thanks. For ya know, believing in me," He mumbled. Billy smirked, "Well, I was pretty sure you would've impaled me if I didn't so..." He laughed when Dipper shoved him. Then his blue eyes softened, "Did you mean what you said? About me being your best friend?" He asked softly. Dipper smiled back, "Of course! Do you not want to be my best friend...?" He trailed off unsurely. Billy's eyes widened and he hastily shook his head, "No, I do! I really, really do. It's just...been a long time since anyone has called me a friend, let alone a best one. It's nice." They smiled at each, one's thoughts oblivious to the other's confused ones. Billy looked back forward with a furrowed brow, because for the first time in thirty years, his heart was beating.

 

[:•:]

 

They were walking past Greasy's diner, still talking and laughing when Dipper jumped at the sound of banging. "Dipper! Hey Dipper and Billy! It's me, Mabel! I'm looking at you through the glass!" Said girl shouted, grinning at them as her breath fogged up the window. Dipper raised an eyebrow, then nodded and motioned for her to sit down. Billy followed the brunette inside and sat with him on the other side of Mabel and Stan. Mabel was bouncing in her seat excitedly, "Did you see me through the-?"

"Yes." The boys chorused with affectionate eyerolls. Dipper sighed, and Mabel noticed, "So where were you two all day?" She asked curiously. Dipper bit his lip, "I ran in this half humanoid, half cow things called manotaurs, and I started hanging out with them. But then they told me I had to do this horrible thing to prove myself, but I said no. It wasn't right to hurt something for no reason like that," He muttered, a bit bummed now. He'd never be a man now, but he'd decided he was okay with that. He didn't need to be manly to be himself, and that was really all he needed to be. Stan grunted, not looking up from his pie, "You were your own man, and stood up for yourself," He grumbled, shoveling it in still. Dipper blinked in surprise, "H-huh?" He stammered.

Stan glanced up, "You did what was right even though no one agreed with you. Sounds pretty manly to me, but then again, what do I know?" He mumbled, swallowing loudly. Dipper blinked, then smiled, "Thanks Grunkle Stan. Though someone did agree with me." He nudged Billy with his elbow, and the blond swatted at him, "Yeah, yeah. Don't get a big head about it, Shorts," He mumbled, but he was smiling just a little with a tinge of pink on his cheeks. Then his eyes widened and he hit the table a couple times with his palm, "Oh wait! Dipper you didn't tell them about what you did! You guys should've been there! He was back flipping off the cave walls and fighting stuff with nothing but a spear and a loincloth. Then he gives this completely awesome inspirational speech and stuns them all into silence before we left. It was insane; truly beautiful," He praised, and Dipper blushed, looking down shyly.

"Aw, it was nothing. A swift kick to get me going from the Pain Hole, and training with them was like a breeze." Dipper smiled when Billy ruffled his hair. Mabel suddenly gasped and leaned forward as Stan looked up, "The Pain what?" He echoed, and both Billy and Dipper shuddered. Mabel then pointed at Dipper, "Doth mine eyes deceive me? You have a chest hair!" She exclaimed, and Dipper quickly looked down and pulled his collar down. A short little black curl peeked out from his skin. He grinned with a shocked laugh, "Ha ha! Yes! I really do! Take that, man tester, and you too Pubetor!"

Stan looked up again, "Pubetor?" It seemed like he was just confused with their entire conversation. Dipper then let out a yelp when he felt the hair pulled from his chest, and Mabel stuck it in her glittered up art book, "Scrapbookortunity!" She chirped. Dipper first raised an eyebrow, "One, ow, and two; why would you put that in your scrapbook? It's gross." Mabel shrugged with a smile, but didn't answer. Dipper frowned at his smooth chest and sighed, "Aw man," He mumbled. Stan smiled, "Don't worry kid, if you're anything like me there's plenty more where that came from!" He ripped open his night shirt to display his gorilla-haired chest to the other three at the table. 

Dipper shielded his eyes with a disgusted laugh, "Aw, gross! That’s disgusting Grunkle Stan!" He complained, and Mabel and Billy giving similar sentiments. Then Billy grinned, "Or you could be like me and just get your armpits and pubes," He said, pulling up his hoodie and the tank top underneath to show his caramel colored torso, an outlined four pack and pecs to match showing with little to no peach fuzz. Mabel paused in her ogling to ask, "Pubes?" Billy gestured to the line of thin blond curls starting just above his zipper, "Dick hair," He replied bluntly, and dodged Stan's throw of his fork at him with a giggle.

Dipper made a wretching noise, and Mabel groaned, "Ew," They chorused with identical incredulous smiles. Billy laughed and Stan rolled his eyes and joined in. Dipper hummed as he saw Wendy come in with her brothers, stealing a piece of Stan's pie, much to his Uncle's displeasure. He squeaked when a cherry fell before it reached his mouth, sliding down his shirt. He lifted up his shirt a little, "Oh, gross! Mabel, can you hand me some napkins?"

A thin line of red had striped Dipper's torso, the cherry tumbling to an innocent stop on the button of his shorts. Dipper plucked it up and popped it in his mouth with a discontented grumble. He bit the hem of his shirt in his teeth to hold it up as he dabbed at the mess on his stomach with the napkins. Billy coughed uncomfortably and stood, averting his eyes, "I gotta, um, go...talk to Red," He mumbled, hurrying off to where Wendy was sitting.

Dipper raised an eyebrow and tossed the napkins, but let the blond go. Wendy blinked when Billy motioned her over to the booth in the corner, but followed after him anyway. She sat across from him, and before she could open her mouth, he was off. "I can't do this, Wendy! He's driving me nuts!" He hissed in panic. The red head blinked again, and then shook her head, "What do you mean? Dipper? What's he doing?" She asked quietly. 

Billy dragged a hand down his face with a groan, "He's teasing me and he doesn't even know it! First with the chocolate milk, then the fucking _Popsicle_ , and now the loincloth and the freakin' _cherries_ ; not to mention the talk we had in the alley," He whispered in despair, shaking his head. Wendy held up her hand, "Whoa, wait. What talk did you have in an alley?" She asked incredulously. Billy tinged pink, "THE Talk." He responded bluntly. Wendy's eyes widened and she put a hand over her mouth, "Oh my Lord, are you serious? He didn't know-"

"No! And I made the stupid mistake of mentioning that lady who was trying to jump me in the woods. Him, being the cute, curious, idiot he is, asked what it was."

Billy ran his hand through his hair with a deep sigh, "I like Dipper. A lot, and I want to keep him pure and clean until he's older- say twenty. But Wendy, how can I do that when he brings every filthy thought I have to mind!?" He demanded quietly, eyes wide and pleading. Wendy blew out a breath and tapped her fingers on the table, "That...is a problem. But tell me this first; do you care about him enough to wait, to wait until he's ready? Billy, you and I both know he's got some serious trust and anxiety issues, and you fuck up once- that's it. So, do you care about him, I daresay even love him, enough to put your 'sinister plans' on pause?" She did air quotes around 'sinister plans' with a light blush.

Filthy thoughts about Dipper...that's a new one, not something she heard everyday. But it seemed to strike a nerve within Billy, and he went to respond but froze, rage and terror flickering on his face for a brief moment before bewilderment overcame it all, "I..." He didn't finish. Wendy sighed and stood up, "Well I suggest you figure it out. If the answer is yes, then go for it. If it's no, then stay away from him for a while; clear your head. Because if you hurt him, Rephic, I will hurt _you_."

Wendy waltzed off without a second glance backwards, and Billy was struck by how much she reminded him of someone else. Billy clenched his hands into fists; why had he been so prepared to say yes? It infuriated him. He wasn't supposed to start believing lies he hadn't even got to tell yet. But when he glanced up across the diner and met the concerned hazel eyes of the boy in question, he nearly fell over in surprise when his heart lurched near painfully. 

Billy kept his balance and unthinkingly smiled back, his eyes softening when Dipper relaxed and motioned him back over. He got up and slid back into the seat beside Dipper with one thought in mind; the best lies are half-truths, right?


End file.
